


Howlr

by partialtopotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Depression, Drarry, Epistolary, F/F, F/M, Ginny has a personality, Humor, LGBTQ Themes, Light BDSM, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Not Epilogue Compliant, Phone Sex, Post-Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Professor Harry, Rimming, Romance, Sexting, Smut, Spanking, Switching, THIS IS NOT A NON-MAGICAL AU, Textfic, Texting, dating app, pansy x ginny, text!fic, they don't know they're falling for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-05 02:21:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 47,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11568318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partialtopotter/pseuds/partialtopotter
Summary: Howlr is the new dating application enchanting Witches, Wizards and Everyone in between. Are you looking for the one or a one-night stand; it’s all here folks. Howlr is sponsored by Weasley Wizard Wheezes, the same team that brought us the Spellular just two years ago. Ginny Weasley, famed chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies, swears by the app, ‘guaranteed to make sparks fly,’ she says. The magic awaits you!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi readers, I am so excited to share this work with you. This fic was inspired by a Tumblr post from synonym4life.  
> post link:synonym-for-life.tumblr.com/post/162440497356/if-harry-ever-set-up-a-muggle-dating-profile-his
> 
> She also happens to be my beta and the light of my life!
> 
> READER NOTES: 
> 
> This is a text fic so here are some different things to keep in mind:  
> 1) the name that appears before the text is the person talking  
> 2) When there's a new day there is a line break  
> 3) Everything is from Harry POV and the person he's talking to appears in bold before each new chat. 
> 
> That's about it, Friends!
> 
> Reviews are always craved and welcomed!

SATURDAY

**Contact: Gin**

 

Harry: Convince me.

 

Ginny: What?!?! Really? Finally! Damn it Harry this better be about what I hope it's about because if it isn’t I will throttle you.

 

Harry: If someone tried to read back our texts, they wouldn’t understand a word.

 

Ginny: Skip to the important part. It’s too early for this shit.

 

Harry: It’s noon. I waited until noon.

 

Ginny: *Closing eyes* zzzzZZZZZZ

 

Harry: Fine. Wait, come on Gin.

 

Ginny: There’s nothing I can say that I haven’t already said. Howlr’s great! The queer wizarding populous is dreadfully low and still very shy. With the app, at least you know, yeah? And you’re always talking about how you wish someone could get to know you for you without the whole ‘I saved the whole bloody world’ thing getting in your way. Closet cases do Howlr anonymously all the time.

 

Harry: Don’t people just use it to hook up?

 

Ginny: Yes… but tbh Harry that’s not such a bad idea for you. Besides, I thought I was going out with a hook up and they ended up being my soulmate.

 

Harry: Pansy Parkinson?

 

Ginny: I can hear your tone from London.

 

Harry: Good.

 

Ginny: This is the happiest relationship I’ve ever been in. This is the happiest I’ve ever been. period.

 

Harry: …

 

Ginny: Don’t be offended.

 

Harry: How could I not be offended?

 

Ginny: I’m gay. Don’t take everything so personally.

 

Harry: *Clap hands * You. Are. Bi. *Clap hands * You enjoy sex with men!

 

Ginny: Who doesn’t like having sex with men, Harry? YOU of all people should know that? :b

 

Ginny: Anyway, it’s my identity. I prefer sex with women, I’m not romantically interested in men anymore and am monogamous with a woman. I choose the label ‘gay.’ How other people interpret that label is not my job to give a fuck about.

 

Harry: Fair... but Parkinson? You fight constantly and break up every three months.

 

Ginny: I can’t explain it. She pisses me off more than anyone but she also makes me giddy, horny and terrified all at the same time. Sometimes I think I’m addicted to the way she makes me feel.

 

Harry: Ok. What do I do?

 

Ginny: Most people start with downloading it.

            Step one, turn on your spellular

            Step two, go to appstore

            Step three, Howlr – download app

 

Harry: Ha Ha

            What do I put in my profile? It has to be good, right? I obviously won’t have a picture.

 

Ginny: Just be yourself, Harry. That’s the point of this, yeah? You’re a simple guy. Don’t overthink it.

 

Harry: Why does it feel like you’re trying to end this conversation?

            Parkinson just woke up, didn’t she?

 

Ginny: Potter, stop texting my girlfriend. She is otherwise occupied.

 

\---

 

**Howlr Profile: Prongs**

 

 

Welcome back Harry!

 

Your Profile

Screenname: Prongs

[photo unavailable]

Bio:

Anyone who’s interested, message me by replying to this question: ‘If you ever met a very famous person, what would you say to them?’

 

_You have a new message from Greenviper_

_\---_

**Howlr Profile: Greenviper**

 

Screenname: Greenviper

[Photo unavailable]

Bio:

I would say I enjoy long walks on the beach but salt water wreaks havoc on my hair and the last time I did that, I ended up having a four-hour conversation with a mermaid that turned out to be a washed up clean sweep and a pair of old pants.

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: I do know a very famous person and he’s an arsehole. So, I’d probably say ‘Hey, arsehole.’

 

Prongs: What a brilliant response.

 

Greenviper: I try.

 

Prongs: Truly.  It’s perfection.

 

Greenviper: You are easily impressed.

 

Prongs: Your profile also made me laugh.  True story?

 

Greenviper: Unfortunately

        Fairy dust and Ogden’s…non-advisable combination.

 

Prongs: You don’t say.

 

_Greenviper is typing_

\---

 

Prongs: So… your screenname?

 

Greenviper: Yes, I have one of those. You do too, you might have noticed.

 

Prongs: WOW!

            The sass. Just, WOW

 

Greenviper: Too much?

 

Prongs: No. Just don’t be surprised when I return the favor. Sarcasm is my parseltongue – skill acquired at birth.

 

Greenviper: So, you’re English?

 

Prongs: Ha. Guilty.

 

Greenviper: Are you Potterera?

 

Prongs: ????

           Am I what?

           Bloody hell … You’re not obsessed with Harry Potter are you?

 

Greenviper: First of all, bite your filthy tongue. I could care less about the boy hero. It’s just a saying. Don’t get your wand in a twist. It means you were at Hogwarts at the same time as him. I’m not a huge fan of the system but everyone on here uses it. You must be new.

 

Prongs: Oh…

            Yeah. First day.

 

Greenviper: First day, huh? And already you’re talking to me. How auspicious for you.

 

Prongs: Someone thinks highly of themselves.

 

Greenviper: If you could see me, you’d agree.

 

Prongs: Oh My God.

 

Greenviper: You like it.

 

Prongs: Sure.

            Speaking of looks…

 

Greenviper: Subtle, Prongs.

 

Prongs: Haha it’s not like that. I just want to know your pronouns. I’m pan so I don’t know if it’s not in your bio.

 

Greenviper: ???

                   You’re talking to a wizard.

 

Prongs: An extremely handsome Wizard…apparently.

 

Greenviper: So you shag witches?

 

Prongs: And women and non-gendered fellows…people.

 

Prongs: Bad time not to respond, mate.

            Right, well nice talking to you I guess.

\---

 

Greenviper: Sorry, I went to brunch.

 

Prongs: Ok

 

Greenviper: One-word response. That’s a good sign.

 

Prongs: Just a convenient time to put down your spell phone, that’s all.  

 

Greenviper: You’re paranoid, Prongs.

 

Prongs: Not really. Just always been good at puzzles. But this one isn’t a hard one to solve. I think you freaked when you found out I was pan and you needed time to figure out if you were ok with that.

            Glad to have made the cut, I guess.

 

_Greenviper is typing_

\---

 

Greenviper: You know what? You clearly grew up in the muggle world and had access to an LGBT community that doesn’t yet exist in the wizarding world. I’m a pureblood, I can’t just look things up on the enterpet device. I didn’t even know what ‘pan’ meant. I had to message three different friends and my ex. You are a judgmental arsehole. Have a nice life! 

 

Prongs: Shit. I’m sorry. I have a really short fuse when it comes to prejudice and sometimes I assume the worst. I guess you can say I’m not quite over the war.

 

* * *

 

SUNDAY

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: I did grow up in the muggle world but my family is super homophobic. I only know so much about the queer community because one of my best friends, who’s brilliant by the way, bought me a shit ton of muggle literature about it when I first came out. So I’m a total hypocrite, ok?

 

\---

 

Prongs: Come on, please don’t ignore me.

 

\---

 

Greenviper: I thought it was clear that I no longer had any interest in continued correspondence with you. See: ‘have a nice life.’ You fucked up, Prongs. Move along.

 

Prongs: I promise I’m not usually this much of an arse. Give me another chance.

* * *

MONDAY

 

Prongs: My screenname works so easily. You get to call me ‘Prongs’ but what do I call you? Green? Viper? If I call you Viper, you have to own a leather jacket. It’s a rule.

 

Greenviper: Don’t make me block you.

 

* * *

 

TUESDAY

**Groupchat: Golden Trio**

 

Ron: Why are you staring at your spellular like it sprouted wings?

 

Harry: I’m not.

 

Ron: Well could you stop NOT doing it at dinner? You know Mum hates them at the table.  I think she’d ban them from the whole house if George hadn’t invented them.

 

Harry: Probably. Your Dad’s obsessed, though!

 

Ron: I know. He messages me non-stop!!!!

 

Harry: Me too. He’s always sending me pictures of muggle shit and asking me what it does.

 

Ron: Smh

 

Harry: It’s cute.

 

Hermione: Stop texting. I feel left out.

 

Ron: Why don’t you join the conversation. Live dangerously Hermione. Release the lion.

 

Harry: I feel like I’m missing something.

 

Ron: Mione’s scared of Mum.

 

Harry: No judgement on this end.

 

Hermione: I am not scared, Ronald. I am simply trying to keep a low profile.

 

Ron: Ever since Ginny and Pansy moved in together, Mum’s been really pushing the marriage and kids bit. Worried about grandchildren or some rubbish like that.

 

Harry: Oh shit… I think she sees us.

 

\---

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: Did you go to family dinner?

 

Harry: Yeah

 

Ginny: Did Mum really throw Ron’s spellular out the window?

 

Harry: I believe her exact words were “The gnomes can have it!”

 

Ginny: Brilliant!

           

Harry: RIP

 

Ginny: I can’t believe I missed that!

 

Harry: How was your match, btw?

 

Ginny: Bloody fucking fantastic! We Won!

 

Harry: Course you did. Congrats.

 

Ginny: Ta! It’s just pre-season but we’ve got a good team this year. How’s Howlr?

 

Harry: UGH!

 

Ginny: Oh no.

 

Harry: The only person worth talking to stopped messaging me.

 

Ginny: The only person worth talking to… or the only person you talked to.

 

Harry: …

 

Ginny: You always do this. You put all your eggs in one basket.

 

Harry: I do not.

 

Ginny: Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Ginny Weasley, your former basket!

 

Harry: Cruel.

 

Ginny: Accurate.

 

Harry: I just had a good feeling about this bloke. He was funny and sassy and used words like auspicious.

 

Ginny: There are plenty of other queer fish in the rainbow sea, my friend.

 

Harry: So you say. Oh and what the fuck is up with this potterera shit?

 

Ginny: Fuck.

            Sorry, should have warned you.

 

Harry: You think?

 

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

Prongs: If it makes you feel better, I had to look up auspicious.

 

Greenviper: Why would your idiocy make me feel better?

 

Prongs: Ignorance loves company?

 

Greenviper: You do know that’s not the aphorism, yes?

 

Prongs: Yes…

            I can’t believe you’re talking to me.

 

Greenviper: Well, you’re tenacious.

 

Prongs: You’re doing this on purpose?

 

Greenviper: Indubitably.

 

Prongs: Hah! I knew that one.

 

Greenviper: Says you.

 

Prongs: Viper, you wound me.

 

Greenviper: If by some miracle I decide to continue correspondence with you, you may refer to me as Hydra.

 

Prongs: You don’t have a leather jacket, do you?

 

\---

 

Prongs: Why Hydra?

 

Greenviper: It was almost my name.

 

Prongs: HAHA really?

 

Greenviper: Have I missed something?

 

Prongs: It’s not exactly a common name?

 

Greenviper: It’s a family name. At any rate, who wants to be common?

 

Prongs: *Raises hand nervously in the back of the class* I do. Some of my filthiest fantasies are about a normal life.

 

Greenviper: The house, the crup, gnome infestations.

 

Prongs: A cute Slytherin boy by my side…

 

Greenviper: How do you know my house?

 

Prongs: I’m sorry, how could I not know your house? You must think I’m really dumb. 

            Let’s start with ‘Greenviper!!!’ Then we can make our way to ‘Hydra;’ you were almost named serpent at birth.

 

Greenviper: You know your mythos.

 

Prongs: I’m a wizard.

 

Greenviper: You’d be surprised.

                  I’m to bed. I have an early morning.

 

Prongs: Cheers.

 

\---

 

**Groupchat: fab four**

 

Harry: HE TALKED TO ME!

 

Ron: Good on you, mate.

 

Hermione: I told you, perseverance. That’s the key!

 

Ginny: You’re a 3rd year girl.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so overwhelmed by the support and love I've received from all of you readers! It really made my week and is 100% the reason why I wanted to get the next chapter out so quickly. 
> 
> I really need to thank @synonym4life this week because they beta'd the heck out of this chapter, even adding some brill lines of their own. How did I get so lucky? who knows? but I'm not going to question it! 
> 
> NOTICE: when I first uploaded this chapter, some really funky things were happening. It has been fixed! My deepest apologies for not catching in time for some of you!
> 
> xxx, PTP

THURSDAY 

 

**Groupchat: Fab four**

 

Hermione: Thanks again, Harry. Dinner was exquisite, as always! I look forward to your next culinary creation.

 

Ron: Yeah mate, it was great. Friendly suggestion though BIGGER PORTIONS. Throw in a carb or two.

 

Hermione: Ron!

 

Harry: I almost made rice but Ginny’s in training.

 

Ginny: Yeah, don’t be so bloody selfish.

 

Ron: So her Royal Highness of Lesbos graces us with her presence for the first time in weeks and she gets to pick the menu? We all know you’re only here because your gfs out of town.

 

Ginny: Guess it’s settled then. Harry likes me best.

 

Ron: Not likely. You broke his heart.

 

Harry: WOW!

 

Hermione: *Copy and pastes to chat* I apologize for his lack of tact. We’re working on it.

 

Ginny: Fuck off, Ron.

 

Ron: Rather ‘off’ than a Parkinson.

 

Harry: Ha. Good one!

 

Ron: Ta. We good, mate?

 

Harry: Course.

 

Ginny: ‘Mum, Ron was talking to me about Gran’s ring the other day. I think he’s finally ready to propose!’

 

Ron: You wouldn’t.

 

Ginny: Wouldn’t I, though.

 

Hermione: Ginny, why?!?!!?!

 

Ginny: Nothing personal, Grang. Collateral damage.

 

Harry: Grang?

 

Hermione: Pansy’s rubbing off on you.

 

Ginny: Yeah she is.

 

Ron: Nope. I’m out!

 

Hermione: He’s gagging in person.

 

\---

 

**Howlr Messenger:**

 

Prongs:  [click to download photo]  

            Doesn’t it look delicious?

 

Greenviper: Be honest with me, what happens when I open this attachment?

 

Prongs: You see the incredible ginger-soy salmon I made for dinner and fall in love with me?

 

Greenviper: Oh.

 

Prongs: Shit…did you think?

 

Greenviper: I didn’t know what to think, that’s why I asked.

 

Prongs: LOL. It’s not a dick pic!!!

 

Greenviper: I’m relieved.

 

Prongs: Don’t you mean disappointed. ;)

 

Greenviper: Everything about ^ message is embarrassing for you.

 

Prongs: Have you opened it yet?

 

Greenviper: No.

 

Prongs: Open it, open it, open it!!!!

 

Greenviper: You’re a child.

                   It’s going against my better judgement to say so, but that actually looks pretty good.

 

Prongs: Well it tasted delicious! “Zagat rating 31 out of 30” “Can’t wait to see what he cooks next!”

 

Greenviper: Are you trying to seduce me with glazed fish?

 

Prongs: Is it working?

 

Greenviper: Depends. What did you pair it with?

 

Prongs: …Beer from my fridge.

 

Greenviper: See, now you’ve ruined it.

 

Prongs: Damn it.

 

Greenviper: If you weren’t so tragically plebian, you’d have known to pair it with a full-bodied white.

 

Prongs: Forgive me, Hydra. I have sinned.

 

Greenviper: Do you seek atonement?

 

Prongs: I do.

 

Greenviper: Splendid. I accept offerings in the form of well-lit dick pics.

 

Prongs: Hahahaha     

 

Greenviper: I’m waiting.

 

Prongs: Oh, you’re serious?

 

Greenviper: I’m curious.

 

Prongs: Oh, I can’t really do dick pics at all. If it got out, the prophet would…Merlin, I don’t want to know what the prophet would do.

 

Greenviper: Tease.

                    You really are famous, aren’t you? 

 

Prongs: Yeah

 

Greenviper: Shame.

 

Prongs: It really, really is.

 

 

* * *

 

FRIDAY

 

**Howlr Messenger:**

 

Greenviper: Do you know why I abhor muggle shops?

 

Prongs: Are you shopping right now?!?

            It’s the middle of the work day.

 

Greenviper: I don’t judge what you do on your lunch break.

 

Prongs: It’d be hard to…I eat lunch.

 

Greenviper: How wonderful for you. You are an example to us all. May I continue my lament about muggle shops?

 

Prongs: Whinge away.

 

Greenviper: You can’t owl-post your purchases after each store.

 

Prongs: Merlin forbid you carry a bag.

 

Greenviper: No one wants to carry a new Armani around Mayfair, Prongs. 

 

Prongs: Is ‘Armani’ supposed to mean something to me?

 

Greenviper: I’m going to do you a favor and pretend you were joking.

 

Prongs: Probably for the best.

            Anyway, I’m sure you could ask the cashier to have it shipped to your house.

 

Greenviper: What a novel idea, I didn’t think of that. How incredibly fortunate I am to have been graced with your profound wit.  

 

Prongs: I’m going to change your name to Sass Queen.

 

Greenviper: I already asked the incompetent muggle to deliver it to my home but she informed me that it would arrive midday tomorrow. When I explained to her that I needed to wear it this evening, she said there was nothing else she could do.

 

Prongs: It’s hard to believe you survived such adversity.

 

Greenviper: And the title of Sass Queen truly belongs to _

 

Prongs: New suit, huh? Hot date tonight?

 

Greenviper: Wouldn’t you like to know.

 

Prongs: Actually…

_Greenviper is typing_

_\---_

 

Prongs: Are you still in Mayfair?

 

Greenviper: Why?

 

Prongs: I have a present for you.

 

Greenviper: Christ, you didn’t follow me here did you?

                   I don’t want to meet.

                   I’m apparating out of the city, so there’s no point in you coming!

 

Prongs: Oh My God, I can read the anxiety in your messages. I didn’t follow you. I’m in bloody Scotland.

           

Greenviper: Ok.

 

Prongs: Go into Burberry, a bloke like you knows where that is.

 

Greenviper: I’m surprised you do.

 

Prongs: Ha Ha. Grab something and go into the third men’s fitting room. Your present is waiting.

            I know how it sounds, it’s not what you think.

 

Greenviper: Just so you’re aware, this is really creepy.

 

Prongs: I know.

            Are you going?

 

Greenviper: I swear, if I walk in and you’re sitting there cock out, I’ll hex your bollocks off.

 

Prongs: I should be so lucky.

            Sorry, that was a joke.

            Come on, I’m not tricking you. Trust me.

 

Greenviper: I don’t know you.

 

Prongs: You wound me.

 

Greenviper: Alright, I’m in the cubicle. There’s nothing here.

 

Prongs: Muggle protections. Do a Revelio.

 

Greenviper: Oh. This is really considerate.

                   Thank you.

 

Prongs: Don’t swoon too hard over there, wouldn’t want me getting the impression that you actually like it.

 

Greenviper: What? I said it was considerate, didn’t I?

 

Prongs: Sorry. Did I overstep?

 

Greenviper: No. You didn’t.

                   You’ve done well, Prongs.

 

Prongs: Yes! You’re totally gushing all over Mayfair right now.

 

Greenviper: I do not gush.

 

Prongs: You’re about to burst into song.

 

Greenviper: You’re delusional.

 

\---

 

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Harry: Those books on gender and sexuality are the gifts that keep on giving!

            Literally.

 

Hermione: I’m glad you like them! I think they’re the only books you’ve read that I’ve given you these past eleven years.

 

Harry: Not true. I devoured Quidditch through the ages!

 

\---

 

**Contact: Gin**

Ginny: Harry!!!

            Are you still at Hogwarts?

            Damn it, Potter! ANSWER ME!

 

Harry: Hello Ginny, how was your day? Mine was lovely thanks for asking.

 

Ginny: I need a favor.

 

Harry: I’m already home.

 

Ginny: NOOO!!! I hate you. You’re so inconsiderate. This is why I dumped you.

 

Harry: What the hell?

 

Ginny: I was trying something out. Still too soon?

 

Harry: Oh yeah.

 

Ginny: It’s been two years!

 

Harry: Ginny… give it another go.

 

Ginny: NOOO!!! I hate you. You’re so inconsiderate.

 

Harry: Am I really? Because Kreacher was doing me a favor today and I asked him to pick up those caramel cauldron cakes from Madam Puddifoot’s you love so much.

 

Ginny: Harry! YOU HAVE THE INNER EYE, I SWEAR!

           

Harry: Not really. You always crave sweets during training.

 

Ginny: Are you calling me predictable?

          Never mind. I don’t care. Put on some trousers, I’m coming through the Floo.

 

\---

**Contact: unknown**

 

Unknown: Potter!

 

Harry: Who is this? How did you get this number?

 

Unknown: It’s Pansy, you absolute dolt! Is Ginevra there?

 

Harry: Oh.

          Yeah, she passed out on the couch about an hour ago.

 

SheSnake: Did you give her cakes?

 

Harry: How did you know?

 

SheSnake: Because you’re weak, Potter, and we can all smell it on you!

 

Harry: Welp, it’s always nice talking to you…

 

SheSnake: I need your floo address to collect my gf.

 

Harry: I’ll bring her home in a minute.

 

SheSnake: Fine. See that you do.  

 

* * *

 

 

SATURDAY

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: You ratted me out to Pansy! What kind of Percy-like git are you?

 

Harry: YOU gave my number to Pansy!

 

Ginny: Touché.

            She made me do so many broom pull-ups I think my arms might fall off.

 

Harry: She tried to give me over to Voldemort.

 

Ginny: BOO!!!

          You’re no fun today.

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: I’m enjoying my gifts.

 

Prongs: I’m glad.

 

Greenviper: Your underlined bits in particular. They’ve proved to be very explicative.

 

Prongs: Oh God.

            What have I done?

 

Greenviper: You went to Hogwarts, yes? You should know not to give a Slytherin this much power.

 

Prongs: Just tell me what you know.

 

Greenviper: Not a chance in Knockturn, Prongs.

 

Prongs: You are getting way too much joy out of this.

             I can’t even see you and I know you’re evil smirking.

 

Greenviper: Exceeds expectations. How’d you know smirks were my specialty?

 

\---

 

Greenviper: Chapter Title: “Rediscovering old Crushes: why we didn’t recognize them”

 

Prongs: Please don’t do this.

 

Greenviper: A note in the margins: “Those stupid eyes. That damned hair.”

                   Whose stupid eyes, Prongs? Should I be jealous?

 

Prongs: I’m done talking to you.

 

\---

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Harry: Pub? Need a drink.

 

Neville: Can we go to Hannah’s?

 

Harry: Course.

 

Neville: Cheers. See you at 3 brooms in 10.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: I couldn’t stay mad at you, Darling!

 

Greenviper: Does this mean you’re done pouting?

 

Prongs: Have you stopped teasing?

 

Greenviper: I’ve only just started.

 

Prongs: Ugh!

 

Greenviper: You’re the one who gave me access to your most secret desires.

 

Prongs: Ha. Most secret desires? Not even close.

 

Greenviper: *Raises eyebrow* Do elaborate, Kink boy.

 

Prongs: Give me a second to organize my thoughts.

            There’s a lot of them.

 

Greenviper: Thank, Salazar.

 

* * *

 

SUNDAY 

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: Did you read the prophet this morning?

 

Harry: I never do.

 

Neville: They think we’re dating.

 

Harry: Hahaha that’s the best one yet. Save it for me, will you?

 

Neville: It’s already framed in my living room.

 

Harry: lmfao Really?

 

Neville: Had to. I’m shagging the boy who lived!

            Gran would be so proud.

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: I’m sitting in this adorable muggle café reading one of your books and I made myself a new acquaintance.  ‘This Bridge Called My Back’ is one of my waiter’s favorite books on the subject.

                  He’s very cute.

 

Prongs: Hey, don’t use my romantic gesture to pull other blokes?

 

Greenviper: Too late.

                Oh, and just so you know, unlike some, I don’t need props to pull.

                                                             

Prongs: Are you admitting I’ve pulled you?

 

Greenviper: I’m intrigued.

 

Prongs: :D

 

Greenviper: Then again, waiter boy does have libidinous lips.

 

Prongs: What makes lips whatever-you-just-said? I could have them.

 

Greenviper: If you had them, you’d know.

 

Prongs: I’ve been nothing but kind to you.

 

Greenviper: Worry not, dear Prongs. I could never seriously consider dating a muggle.

 

Prongs: … Why?

 

Greenviper: I’ve nothing against them, on principle, but relationships are meant to be about candor and trust. With the Magical Statute of Secrecy, it makes that impossible. I’m aware many couples have done it in the past but being a wizard is a huge part of who I am, it’s a part of everything I do. It is unlikely that anyone could understand or connect with the real me without it.

 

Prongs: Wow.

 

Greenviper: What?

 

Prongs: I’m just surprised. I thought this conversation was going to a very different place.

 

Greenviper: Was I about to get another lecture?

 

Prongs: …. Maybe. :/

           Glad I didn’t have to, though. I’ve never thought about it like that before. 

           

Greenviper: You know, an open-mind extends in all directions.

 

Prongs: Like what? Sympathizing with death eaters?

 

Greenviper: No. Like being self-aware enough to recognize that being on the right side doesn’t mean you’re always right.

 

Prongs: Christ, you’re right!

 

Greenviper: Obviously.

 

Prongs: Seriously, thank you. I feel like sometimes we forget that.  

 

\---

 

**Groupchat: Fab four**

 

Ron: Harry, mate, you’ve been holding out on us!

 

Hermione: Frankly, I’m hurt.

 

Ginny: I mean, honestly, first Dean, now Neville. Which one of my ex’s are you going to bugger next?

 

Harry: Parkinson ;)

 

Ginny: She's not my ex.

 

Harry: Not yet ;) ;) ;)

 

Ginny: Even attempt to bugger Pansy and you lose your dick, Potter!

 

Harry: I’ll still have fingers.

 

         Are you, Ginny Weasley, implying you need male anatomy for a satisfying sexual experience?

 

_Ginny is typing_

 

Harry: Potter out.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, the Beta and I were both traveling last week and didn't have time to fic. This chapter is twice as long, however, so you can't be too mad! 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to my Beta and friend, synonym4life!!! Readers, she's just the best! I am at all times impressed by and in debt to her and her brilliance. 
> 
> Thank you for all of the REVIEWS AND LOVE! I love seeing what you all think and it makes me feel eternally fluffy!

 

MONDAY

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: Aww! You chose Prongs as your screenname? Creepy but sweet.

 

Harry: Wtf, Gin. How do you even know that?

 

Ginny: Just came across your profile.

          It is so dull, btw.

          It’s a Circe ordained miracle you got that boy to talk to you.

 

Harry: Why are you on Howlr? You and Parkinson break up again?

 

Ginny: We haven’t broken up in a year. I really wish people would stop bringing that up.

 

Harry: Sorry.

         So… why Howlr?

 

Ginny: If you must know, Pansy and I use it for threesomes.

 

Harry: Oh…you’re one of those.

 

Ginny: Hush you.

           Check Howlr!

\---

 

**Howlr Profile: Prongs**

 

Welcome back Harry!

 

Your Profile

Screenname: Prongs

[photo unavailable]

Bio:

Anyone who’s interested message me by replying to this question: ‘If you ever met a very famous person, what would you say to them?’

 

_You have a new message from TheRealGing_

_\---_

 

**Howlr Profile: TheRealGing**

 

 

Screenname: TheRealGing

 

Photo (1)

 

Photo (2)  
  


Photo (3)  
  


Photo (4)

 

Photo (5)

 

Bio:

Adventurous couple seeking third for a good time. Yes, I play for the Harpies. Yes, she’s the model you saw on the cover of Witch Weekly. We KNOW we’re famous! If you lead with that, I promise you we won’t respond. Only queer applicants need apply. Please and thank you!

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

TheRealGing: Hey sexy! ;)

 

Prongs: You two are insane!

          How many hits does that profile get a day?

 

TheRealGing: Not that many, actually. It’s a heavily warded profile. We screen the site and select who gets to see our profile. Then we wait for them to bite. All of those selected have been interested, though. :b

 

Prongs: Shocker.

 

TheRealGing: Say it. I know you want to.

 

Prongs: Parkinson would kill me.

 

TheRealGing: Come on, Harry! The Harpies lost today, I could use the ego boost.

 

Prongs: Ok, here goes. Sorry Parkinson.

            I mourn the loss of that arse each day. I will never have an arse as perfect as yours again. You’ve ruined me for all other bums!

 

TheRealGing: HAHAHA Damn straight!

 

Prongs: I remember taking that picture. It’s been so long! Your gf deleted it from my spellular.

 

TheRealGing: FIND NEW WANK FODDER, POTTER! AND STOP HITTING ON MY GF BEFORE I CASTRATE YOU!

 

Prongs: I cum in peace.

 

TheRealGing: You’re dead, Potter.

 

Prongs: Worth it. That was a great line.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: "Say what you will about his tactics, but at least when he was in charge you didn’t have entitled homosexuals making political demands. Can you believe they have the wizengamot discussing the idea of marriage contracts?”  

       Please remove me from this fucking place! You were the only person I could think to scream my feelings into the void at.

 

Prongs: WTF. By ‘he’ do they mean fucking Voldemort?!?!

 

Greenviper: Don’t even type the name. And yes, yes they do.

                  Ooh it just got better, “back in my day, they did all the shirt lifting in private and disease took care of it eventually.”

 

Prongs: OH MY GOD! Where are you? I’m worried about you.

 

Greenviper: You’re worried about me? How… quaint.

 

Prongs: I’m not kidding. Get out of there.

 

Greenviper: Can’t. Obligatory familial luncheon.

 

Prongs: Oh. Not out to the family yet, then?

 

Greenviper: Oh, I am.

 

Prongs: Fuck. Ouch.

 

Greenviper: Yes, they’re a treat.

 

Prongs: Like treacle, heavy on the tart.

 

Greenviper: Light on the compassion.

 

Prongs: Mmmm, scrummy.

           A flavor I’m all too familiar with.

 

Greenviper: Yes, I remember you mentioning your family was homophobic as well.

 

Prongs: They’re only really family by blood but yeah, they’re pretty much all the ‘phobics’.

            Hey, quick Q if you’ve got an A.

 

Greenviper: …Yes?

 

Prongs: Why are you at a family luncheon on a Monday afternoon?

 

Greenviper: Funny you ask, Prongs. As it turns, we have to work around the Azkaban visitation schedule.

 

Prongs: Holy shit.

 

Greenviper: Fuck. Why did I just tell you that?

 

Prongs: My trusting demeanor and irresistible charms.

 

Greenviper: Don’t do that.

 

Prongs: What?

 

Greenviper: Try to be cute. I’m having a crisis.

 

Prongs: Haha I don’t care that your bigoted family is in Azkaban. Dead chuffed about it, if I’m honest.

 

Greenviper: Hmm

 

Prongs: Trust me, I know better than anyone that you’re not the family you grew up with. It’s down to choices that show who we are.

            From what I can tell, you’ve made better ones than they did.

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Greenviper: You don’t know me.

 

Prongs: I’d like to.

 

Greenviper: I have to get back to this.

 

Prongs: Oh, alright. Later then.

 

\---

**Contact: Andromeda**

 

Andromeda: Go over it for me one more time, Harry. Put an old lady’s nerves to rest.

 

Harry: No problem.

         I’m picking up Teddy from Wiz-Kid when I get off work at 5.

        Tomorrow I drop him off at 8:30 before Auror Training and pick him up at 6:00.

        On Wednesdays and Thursdays he gets a packed lunch because he doesn’t like school lunch.

        Oh and his bedtime is 7:30 on school nights but we both know I’m not going to stick to that.   

 

Andromeda: Very well. I feel as if I’ve missed something.

                 Oh bother, that’s going to eat at me all night.

 

Harry: Please don’t let it. The only thing you need to worry about is your recovery.

          I’ve had Teddy for the weekend loads of times. Everything will be fine!

 

Andromeda: A weekend is very different from a fortnight, Harry Potter.

 

Harry: So you’ve told me.

 

Andromeda: Mind that sass. You know how I feel about it.

                  The last thing I need is Teddy picking up your cheek.  

 

Harry: Sorry, Ma’am.

  
\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: Care to donate to the ShagforaLife campaign?

 

Harry: Pardon?

 

Ginny: All proceeds go to Ginny Weasley, who has been shagging her insatiable gf all day to stop her from murdering the chosen one.

 

Harry: Sounds like a real hardship.

 

Ginny: Ungrateful arse!

 

Harry: Technically, it was your arse that got us into this mess.

 

Ginny: Godric, don’t mention my arse. It’s so sore!

 

Harry: TMI

 

Ginny: :b

 

**\---**

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Harry: Teddy is my everything! We were watching the Series of Unfortunate Events movie, he turns to me and says “It’s good, I guess, but it would be better if it was like the books.”

 

Hermione: I knew I liked that boy.

 

Harry: I know right! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

 

Hermione: Put Teddy to bed, Harry. It’s 9:30.

 

Harry: Don’t tell me what to do. I’m a grown up.

 

\---

 

**Groupchat: Fab four**

 

Hermione: There’s a storm a coming!

 

Harry: ???

 

* * *

 

TUESDAY

 

**Groupchat: Fab four**

 

Harry: Guess who woke me up at 5 this morning!

          Teddy – “My hair’s pink Harry, you know what that means!”

           Me – “I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?”

          Teddy – “Put on your robes, it’s time for a Handsome party!”

          Me – What’s that?

          Teddy – It’s just like a normal party but everybody’s pretty.”

 

Harry: I’m exhausted but Merlin he’s cute.

 

Ron: Oh god… it’s started!

 

Ginny: The Tedtextnado is upon us once again!!!

 

Harry: Ted. Text. Nado???

 

Hermione: [Ted-text-nado] Noun

  1. A tempest of messages sent from our beloved Harry Potter when in the presence of an equally beloved Teddy Lupin.



 

Ginny: Could I have it used in a sentence, please?

 

Hermione: Teddy wakes Harry up at 5am, therefore we all must wake up at 5am. #survivingthetedtextnado

 

Harry: You’re all arseholes.

 

Ginny: TAKE COVER!!!!

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: So…you’re ignoring me again, huh?

            Look, Hydra, it’s not my fault YOU told me some personal shit about yourself and now you’re feeling insecure about it.  I told you I don’t care about your family.

\---

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Harry: Knowledge from the school of Teddy – “Healers can’t fix brooms. Fact!”

 

Neville: He’s not wrong.

 

Harry: “If your cup is full then you haven’t drinkin anything yet. Fact!”

 

Neville: ***** Boom* Mind. Blown.

 

Harry: “Dragons don’t know how to eat toads. Fact!”

 

Neville: Learned more today than all of second year of DADA, tbh.

 

Harry: Ha. Right?

         I told him he was a genius and he responded, “Well, I know a lot of everything.”

 

Neville: Show me the lie.

 

* * *

 

WEDNESDAY

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: I don’t know who you are if that’s what this is about. No offense but a male Slytherin at Hogwarts the same time as Harry Potter with parents in Azkaban is not exactly a story that applies to one person in particular.

 

Greenviper: You are so thick sometimes.

 

Prongs: He speaks.

 

Greenviper: For now.

 

Prongs: Stop sulking.

 

Greenviper: Shan’t.

 

Prongs: Ha. I bet you’re cute when you’re this pissy.

 

Greenviper: Indisputably. Do pretend you have a brain, Prongs.

 

Prongs: Touchy.

 

Greenviper: You know what would make me feel better?

 

Prongs: Hydra, Hydra, Hydra…I know you’re gagging for it, but I already told you I can’t send you a dick pic.

 

Greenviper: I’ll stop responding again.

 

Prongs: Sorry.

 

Greenviper: Tell me something personal about yourself. Level the pitch a trifle.

 

Prongs: What do you want to know?

 

Greenviper: Occupation?

 

Prongs: Nice try.

 

Greenviper: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

 

Prongs: Right. You don’t know that there’s limited jobs in the wizarding world? Even fewer that leave you famous?

           I’ll answer any question you want that won’t reveal who I am.

 

Greenviper: Longest relationship?

 

Prongs: Only ever really been in one, to tell you the truth. It was about three years.

 

Greenviper: How long ago?

 

Prongs: 730 days give or take a few minutes.

 

Greenviper: Was it a bad breakup?

 

Prongs: Yes and no. She’s still one of my best mates but it sort of messed me up at the time.  I wasn’t really in a great place after the war and she got me through it… She also went about some things the wrong way.

 

Greenviper: Are you going to make me ask?

 

Prongs: She asked her ex-boyfriend, a mutual friend, to seduce me a week after we broke up.

 

Greenviper: Excuse me?

 

Prongs: She felt I was taking too long to figure out my sexuality.

 

Greenviper: Did your friend actually do it?

 

Prongs: She’s not the kind of witch you just say no to.

 

Greenviper: Fuck.

 

Prongs: Yup

 

Greenviper: Did it last at least?

 

Prongs: No. I’ve just told you we broke up.

 

Greenviper: With HER ex, you certifiable simpleton. 

 

Prongs: Oh. LOL no! He and his boyfriend were only on a break at the time. He was not pleased when he found out we hooked up.

 

Greenviper:  I bet.

 

Prongs: I wasn’t too invested anyway. He wasn’t really my type.

 

Greenviper: And what, may I ask, is your type?

 

Prongs: Worried you don’t fit the mold?

 

Greenviper: Don’t flatter yourself, I was merely curious.

 

Prongs: Sure.

           He was too nice. I just told you about my ex gf, yeah. I’ve always liked them a bit mean.

 

Greenviper: Should I be offended?

 

Prongs: HAHAHA Well, I definitely fancy you… so you can take that as you’d like.  

 

\---

 

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Harry: I know you all think I talk about him too much but the best thing just happened. I think I might cry!

 

Ginny: LOL I knew you couldn’t make it a full day. Ron you owe me ten galleons!

 

Ron: You’re not really going to make me pay that, right?

 

Ginny: Uhh, course I am.

 

Ron: But you’re rich.

 

Ginny: Bet’s a bet.

 

Harry: Oi, my story!

 

Ron: Right, go on mate.

 

Harry: So it’s spirit week at Teddy’s school and today they’re supposed to dress up like a witch or wizard they admire. I walked in his room and he looked just like me.              Metamorphed himself a little scar and everything.

 

Hermione: That’s impressive magic.

 

Ginny: It’s fucking adorable is what it is!

 

Ron: Damn. I might cry.

 

Ginny: *Cough* loser *cough*

* * *

 

THURSDAY

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: Hey.

 

Harry: Oops

 

Ginny: Lol why Oops?

 

Harry: You only ever start a conversation with ‘hey’ when I’ve done something wrong.

 

Ginny: It’s nothing you’ve done per say, but we do need to talk about it.

 

Harry: Oh god! It’s going to be horrible.

          Let me sit down.

 

Ginny: Are you done being dramatic?

 

Harry: … Out with it then.

 

Ginny: I know you were just joking but the Pansy/Ginny break-up bit is really starting to get to me.

 

Harry: God Gin, I’m sorry.

 

Ginny: Let me finish.

         You aren’t the only one who does it. No one in the family takes Pansy and my relationship seriously and it really pisses me off. It was the same with quidditch. No one believed I was good enough until I got on the Harpies. I don’t want to have to wait until Pansy and I are married or something for people to start treating us with respect.

 

Harry: You’re thinking of getting married?

 

Ginny: So not the point, Harry.

          The opposite of the point, you prat.

 

Harry: Right. Sorry.

 

Ginny: It shouldn’t take a Ministry ceiled piece of parchment to validate my relationship in the eyes of my family. I say I love her, that should damn well be enough. Percy’s only been dating Audrey for five months and she already gets invited to family dinner.  

 

Harry: I’m really Sorry, Gin. I don’t know what to say.

 

Ginny: Perfect. Cause I need you to DO something.

 

Harry: Ride or die, baby.

 

Ginny: Lol Talk to my twat of a brother. If I say something, it’s a ‘thing.’ If you say something – it’s gospel.

 

Harry: I think you’re overestimating my power, but I’ll try.  

 

Ginny: Course you will.

 

Harry: I’ll do it when they’re both over tomorrow. Hermione has way more pull than me.

 

Ginny: Bleh! I don’t want to think about Hermione pulling anything.

 

Harry: I hate you! Why would you do that to me? You didn't need to take it there!

 

Ginny: My brain only goes in one direction. You know this.

 

Harry: I Remember. Fondly.

 

Ginny: ;)

 

Harry: Just for the record, I never doubted you would make it in quidditch.

 

Ginny: I know. That’s why I came to you.

 

\---

 

**Contact: SheSnake**

 

Harry: So help me, Parkinson, if you hurt her…

 

SheSnake: Was that your crack at a threat, Potter?

 

Harry: Need I remind you that I defeated the darkest wizard of all time.

 

SheSnake: I’m shaking in my Balenciaga’s.

 

Harry: You should be. I’m terrifying. Like a Horntail.

 

SheSnake: Ha. A whelp, maybe.

 

Harry: I’m serious, Pansy.

 

SheSnake: Oooh, Pansy is it?

             Not that it’s any of your concern, Potter, but you needn’t worry. You know better than I, so I’m told, that Ginevra is the heartbreaker in this relationship.

 

Harry: You’re delightful.

 

SheSnake: Thanks for the laugh, Scarhead.

 

\---

 

**Contact: Papa W**

 

Mr. Weasley: Molly wanted me to make sure you and Teddy were coming round for dinner Sunday.  

 

 

Mr. Weasley:  Also, what is this? Some form of torture, I suspect.

 

Harry: Wouldn’t miss it.

          And I can’t quite tell, zoom out.

 

Mr. Weasley:  

 

Harry: Oh, it’s an eyelash curler. Muggles use them to make their eyelashes look longer or something.

 

Mr. Weasley: Fascinating! The things these muggles come up with without magic.

                 Thanks again, Harry.  

 

* * *

 

FRIDAY

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: What’s on the menu this evening?

 

Prongs: Uhh, curry take-away from down the street.

 

Greenviper: I’m disappointed. What would the Zagat say?

 

Prongs: Give my apologies to my fans.

            In my defense, it’s hard to cook with a five-year-old running around.

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Greenviper: Not that it’s necessarily a problem, but you’ve never mentioned you had a kid.  

 

Prongs: ‘Not that it’s – necessarily – a problem?’

 

Greenviper: If there’s a women married to you at the other end of said kid, we have a problem.

 

Prongs: : )

           I’m his godfather. His parents died in the war. I’m not even usually his primary caregiver but his Gran is in hospital for the next week, so I get to look after him.

 

Greenviper: What a development, Mr. Prongs.

                So you’re good with kids, then?

 

Prongs: I guess. This one seems to like me.

 

Greenviper: Wait, you got a five-year-old to eat curry?

 

Prongs: Oh yeah, I started him young. Can’t get enough of the stuff.

 

Greenviper: I’m not going to lie to you, Prongs, this dad thing is really doing it for me.

 

Prongs: LOL!!! And you called me kinky?

 

Greenviper: Oh for Melrin’s sake, not like that!

 

Prongs: Do you want to call me Daddy, Hydra?

 

Greenviper: I meant, imagining you being paternal. For example, taking care of another living being, bedtime stories, dad arms! All things listed, I find very attractive.  

 

Prongs: I’m glad you think so.

 

Greenviper: Talk to me more about it.

 

Prongs: I miss the old days… when he used to sleep on my chest.

 

Greenviper: God, that’s cute. Keep going.

 

Prongs: Sometimes I genuinely miss changing nappies.

 

Greenviper: That’s it, Prongs. Talk dirty to me.

 

Prongs: HAHAHA You’re sick.

           I’m into it.

 

\---

 

Prongs: So if not a daddy kink, what kinks do you have?  

 

Greenviper: WOW

 

Prongs: I don’t do coy well.

 

Greenviper: Clearly.

               Are we really doing this?

 

Prongs: Could be fun.

 

Greenviper: Fine. I’ll play, but you go first.

 

Prongs: You are kinky, right? I’m not about to scare you away, am I?

 

Greenviper: I would be surprised if you managed that with this particular conversation.

 

Prongs: Ok. I switch but I’m pretty dominant and I’m not really into sadism. I mostly like the rigging side of bondage. Sensory play is always fun. And I have a bit of a toy kink too, but it’s not like I need them to get off.

 

Prongs: Please respond. I’m blushing so hard right now.

 

Greenviper: I just wanted to see how long I could make you sweat.

 

Prongs: Wanker.

 

Greenviper: Not yet.

 

Prongs: Can I watch? ;) jkjk

           Your turn.

 

Greenviper: I’ll divulge this; if nothing else about us works, we’ll always have the sex.

 

Prongs: How auspicious for me.

 

Greenviper: Indeed.

 

Prongs: Tell me what you like, Hydra.

 

Greenviper: You’re in a mood.

 

Prongs: Do you disapprove?

 

Greenviper: Not in the slightest.

 

Prongs: Pour yourself a couple fingers of Ogden’s. Have a drink with me.

 

Greenviper: Where’s your sprog?

 

Prongs: Soundly tucked away.

 

Greenviper: Lucky you.

 

Prongs: Very.

 

Greenviper: I have my drink. What now?

 

Prongs: Bring it to the living room. Sit down on your no-doubt expensive armchair and drink it down in one.

 

Greenviper: Done.

 

Prongs: Good boy.

 

Greenviper: Christ.

 

Prongs: You liked that, huh?

            You still want to be good for me?

 

Greenviper: Yes.

 

Prongs: Then take off your trousers and do exactly as I say.

 

Greenviper: Fuck, Prongs.

 

Prongs: Oh um, don’t call me Prongs in this context.

          ‘Sir’ would be better.

 

Greenviper: Fine. Get on with it, Sir.

 

Prongs: Right.

           Put your hand in your pants and stroke your cock. Put on a show for me.

 

Greenviper: You’re good at this.

 

Prongs: Don’t sound so surprised.

           Tell me how it feels.

 

Greenviper: It feels like I’m not going to last very long.

 

Prongs: Then let go of your cock. You don’t get to come until I tell you you can.

 

Greenviper: You’re killing me.

 

Prongs: Slide your hands slowly up your chest. Feel every inch of yourself. Play with your nipples until you squirm, then pinch them until you scream. That’s what I would do if I were there. You’ve promised beauty and I have a feeling you’re not exaggerating. I bet I get hard just looking at you.

           I’m hard right now just thinking about you.  I get hard thinking about you a lot if I’m honest. About how I want to kiss that smart mouth of yours until it’s raw. Maybe slap you around a bit…I hope you’re still not touching your cock.  

 

Greenviper: I haven’t.

 

Prongs: Liar.

 

Greenviper: You’re smarter than you write.

 

Prongs: Spank your yourself for me.

 

Greenviper: Is that what you would do if you were here. Spank me?

 

Prongs: No. My hands would be too busy.

 

Greenviper: Do tell.

 

Prongs: One holding you steady as the other slowly slipped inside you. One finger at time.

 

Greenviper: I'd arch my back, keening

 

Prongs: I’d Twist and scissor in your hole as I wrapped my mouth around the swollen head of your prick.

 

Greenviper: Whimper.

 

Prongs: Massage that spot inside you until I taste pre-come on my tongue.

 

Greenviper: Grab tight to your hair. Frustrated. Desperate.

 

Prongs: Until you’re begging for my cock.

 

Greenviper: ‘For the love of all that’s filthy, please just fuck me.’

 

Prongs: ‘You know I can’t say no when you’re like this.’

 

Greenviper: Thank, Salazar.

 

Prongs: Thrust into you hard and deep.

 

Greenviper: Wrap my legs around your waist.

 

Prongs: ‘Get yourself off.’

 

Greenviper: ‘I’m going to come.’

 

Prongs: But you didn’t ask permission

 

Greenviper: ‘Please, Sir!’

 

Prongs: ‘Come for me, Hydra’

 

\---

 

Greenviper: Fuck…that was… Christ.

 

Prongs: Even you can’t think of an eloquent thing to say. I’ll consider that a personal victory.

 

Greenviper: To be plain, I didn’t think you had it in you.

                But do know this, if you ever ask me to call you ‘Sir’ in person, you’ll find yourself extremely disappointed.

 

Greenviper: You still there? Or did you fall asleep?

 

Prongs: I think we should meet.

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Greenviper: Don’t ruin this.

 

Prongs: I didn’t think I was.

  



	4. Chapter 4

MONDAY 

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Are we alright?

 

Prongs: I told you, Hydra, we’re fine. I’d rather just leave it, ok?

 

Greenviper: You’ve just seemed less responsive than usual.

 

Prongs: … Sorry I’m not attached to my Spellular. I DO have a life outside of this bloody dating app.

 

Greenviper: That was reassuring.

 

Prongs: I wasn’t aware it was my job to reassure you. Shall I bill you hourly or will a flat rate do?

 

Greenviper: You’re behaving like a petulant child.

 

Prongs: This from the man who uses the silent treatment as a threat.

 

* * *

 

TUESDAY 

 

Greenviper: I’ve decided to be the better person and forgive you for yesterday’s blunder.

 

Prongs: How big of you.

 

Greenviper: I’m sure you’ll find everything sized to your satisfaction, yes.

 

Prongs: Was that a dick joke?

            It was beneath you.

 

Greenviper: I’m aware. However, I thought it might appeal to your common sense of humor.

                  See the lengths I go to get you back? I’d grown accustomed to my virtual admirer.

 

Prongs: Virtual admirer? Is that what I am? I mean I could be your boyfriend but apparently that would ‘ruin’ things.

 

Greenviper: Weren’t you the one who said we should just leave it?

 

Prongs:  Are you in a relationship or something? Are you married?

 

Greenviper: Merlin, no. Don’t be ridiculous, Prongs.

 

Prongs: Well then what are we doing here? We’ve talked almost every day for over a month. We’re compatible in more ways than one, yet you don’t want to meet? How the hell am I supposed to take that?

 

Greenviper: Less like a hippogriff, for a start.

 

Prongs: I got on Howlr because I wanted to start an actual relationship and I see that with you. I like you, Hydra, I really do but I don’t just want to be the bloke who occasionally gets you off.

 

_Greenviper is typing_

\---

 

Prongs: Right. Good talk.

 

\---

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Harry: I think you were right…

 

Ginny: Obviously!

        About what genius are we speaking?

 

Harry: Me and my baskets.

 

Ginny: Oh no. What happened with Hydra?

 

Harry: Isn’t really interested. Just wants a flirty pin pal or something.

        I bet he’s just some 60 year old wizard, jerking off into a banana peel.

 

Ginny: Come now Harry… I’m sure he has a proper Fapping Fanny.

 

Harry: No. He’s too old. He doesn’t even know they make those.

 

Ginny: Poor dear. You should send him one…YOU have two! ; )

 

Harry: Yes...two…that’s the reasonable number I have. :/

 

Ginny: ROFL!! Your toy collection is out of hand!

 

Harry:  Precisely, that would be the point of all the toys.

 

Harry: Get it?!? I have so many that I don’t need to use my hand?!?

 

Ginny: Oh, I got it.

         You need to get laid. Immediately.  

 

Harry: ***** Hangs head * I know.

 

Ginny: MSG. OTHER. PEOPLE. ON. HOWLR.

 

Harry: Fine.

 

Ginny: Good boy.

         Does that take you back?

 

Harry: Shut up.

 

\---

 

**Howlr Profile: Prongs**

 

Welcome back Harry!

 

Your Profile

Screenname: Prongs

[photo unavailable]

Bio:

Anyone who’s interested message me by replying to this question: ‘If you ever met a very famous person, what would you say to them?’

 

_You have a message from Patientpuff_

_You have a message from Slyther-intoMe_

_You have a message from MagicWood69_

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Patientpuff: I’d probably say ‘Hi’ cus they’re still people right?

 

Prongs: Correct!

 

Patientpuff: hsp

 

Prongs: Oooh I know this one…

           No, I don’t. I have no idea what that means.

 

Patientpuff: Lol it means House? Sex? Potter era?

 

Prongs: Hmm… 1. Secret 2. Male 3. Uh huh

 

Patientpuff: Ur a sneaky little bloke aren’t you? With all ur secrets.

 

Prongs: Haha I guess

 

Patientpuff: I want to cum on your toes and lick them all clean.

 

Prongs: Woah, where did that come from?

 

Patientpuff: Then you’d fuck me till I bleed, Grandpa

 

Prongs: NOPE!

 

\---

 

**Contact: Roonil Wazlib**

 

Ron: HELP!!!

 

Harry: What have you done now?

 

Ron: You don’t want to know.

 

Harry: …

 

Ron: But you’ve got to know to help me.

 

Harry: The suspense is killing me.

 

Ron: Well, you know Hermione’s been traveling for work a lot lately. So I was having myself a bit of a wank and I got carried away and now I think I’ve ruined a set of her old Hogwarts robes.

 

Harry: WERE YOU WEARING THEM?!?!

 

Ron: NO! I was using a daydream potion and you need a physical representation … and sometimes she puts them on for me and it just REALLY WORKS OK!?!?

 

Harry: She’s going to kill you.

 

Ron: Or worse… SHE’LL NEVER WEAR THEM AGAIN!

 

Harry: Calm down. Let me get Teddy fed then we’ll come help you.

 

Ron: This is not for the eyes of babes.

 

Harry: Don’t worry, I’ll bring his potions practice set and leave him down stairs.

 

Ron: So he can blow up my house?

 

Harry: Priorities.

 

Ron: Fine. Bring gloves…

 

Harry: Merlin, what am I about to walk in on?

 

Ron: The skirt zipper got caught on my… you know.

 

Harry:  Bloody hell.

 

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Slyther-intoMe: Dtf

 

Prongs: Huh?

 

Prongs: I looked it up. No thank you.

 

\---

 

**Contact: Roonil Wazlib**

 

Ron: Thanks for earlier, mate!

 

Harry: Yup.

 

Ron: I know it was… I just really appreciate it.

 

Harry: Ron. If you are truly grateful, we will NEVER speak of this evening again.

 

Ron: Deal.

* * *

 

 

WEDNESDAY 

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

MagicWood69: Send pix!!

 

Prongs: Sorry, I know it’s kind of weird to have a blank photo on a dating app but it’s for my privacy. If we hit it off I’m fully prepared to meet, though! :)

 

MagicWood69: They don’t need to be of your face. XD

 

Prongs: It’s like 9am.

 

**\---**

 

**Groupchat: Golden Trio**

 

Harry: Why has my four poster been transfigured into a bunk bed?

 

Hermione: I thought it might make things more comfortable when Ronald comes to live with you.

 

Ron: Oh no…

 

Hermione: Oh yes!

 

Harry: How’d you find out?

 

Hermione: Where to start? I was going to surprise Ron because I’d been away but for some reason, I couldn’t get my skirt’s zip up.

 

Ron: Oh God!

 

Hermione: I thought it was odd, but did a fastening spell and let it go. Then I found a stain on my prefect’s badge.

 

Ron: HARRY YOU FORGOT THE BADGE!?!

 

Harry: I was traumatized!

 

**\---**

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: It’s all well and good to say you fancy me loads when you haven’t even met me, but what happens when we meet in real life and I’m the opposite of what you expected?

 

Prongs: Are you suddenly going to not be the person I’ve been talking to since June?

 

Greenviper: Of course not.

 

Prongs: Then it won’t be an issue.

 

Greenviper: You can’t know that for sure and I can’t be expected to rely on your flimsy Gryffindor instinct, can I?

 

Prongs: I’m a Hufflepuff.

 

Greenviper: Don’t insult my intelligence.

                Though, I suppose you get points for knowing not to try for Ravenclaw. Wouldn’t that have been a laugh.

 

Prongs: Yes, HAHA. You think I’m dumb. My side’s splitting.

 

Greenviper: You’re sensitive today.

 

Prongs: And you’re an arse every day. Are we just stating facts now or…

 

Greenviper: I was under the impression that you liked them mean.

 

Prongs: Yes. I do. And I liked you until you weren’t interested in pursuing a real relationship.

 

Greenviper:  Already in past tense, I see.

 

Greenviper: And I never said I didn’t want a relationship. That’s the thing with you bloody Gryffindors, you plopped on this earth severely lacking the critical thinking skills necessary to see a view different than your own. Not all of us jump head first into heartbreak without looking back and that’s ok, Prongs.

 

Prongs: You’ve never even said you like me back.

 

Greenviper: You are a complete dunderhead, so much so that I worry it might be contagious. I do not say ‘I like you back’ because I am not a randy fourth year trying to score a lush date to the Yule Ball.

 

\---

 

Greenviper: In any case, it’s obvious to anyone with an IQ greater than 95 where I stand in this. I would not be trying this hard if I weren’t interested.  I generally needn’t put in any effort at all.  

 

Prongs: Ah, Hydra!!!! : D

 

Greenviper: You’re a sap.

 

Prongs: Uh huh <3

* * *

 

THURSDAY 

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: Hey Hydra

 

Greenviper: Yes, Prongs?

 

Prongs: Fancy going to the Yule Ball with me? I promise not to cop a feel.

 

Greenviper: I’m already regretting this.

 

Prongs: No take backsies

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: Is it true you felt up my brother?

 

Harry: Hermione told you?

 

Ginny: I mean I knew you wanted to marry into the family, Harry…but Ron? You can do better.

 

Harry: Eh. I’ve settled before.

 

Harry: Jesus, Gin, how did you know where I was? You didn’t have to hit me.

 

Ginny: Did.

 

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: So just to be clear, we are postponing the ‘meet up’ discussion to appease your Slytherin sensibilities but there will be one eventually, yes?

 

Greenviper: Somebody learned some new words.

 

Prongs: Hydra…  

 

Greenviper: Yes, it is a POSTPONED discussion.

 

Prongs: Thank Merlin, now I can stop looking at these other ghastly profiles.

 

Greenviper: Yes, please discontinue that course of action immediately.

 

Prongs: Somebody’s jealous!

 

**\---**

 

**Group chat: Fab Four**

 

Ron: Hey Harry, we’re all meeting at 3 brooms tomorrow night to celebrate your Birthday! The theme is muggles!! Kiss kiss, see you there. Bye!

 

Harry: No we’re not. I have Teddy.

 

Hermione: We’ve sorted that all out. He’s going to spend the night with Bill, Fleur and Victoire. He loves her!

 

Ginny: Everyone’s already said they’d come, so you can’t back out now.

 

Harry: You waited until the last minute to tell me on purpose, didn’t you?

 

Ginny: Oh yeah.

 

Hermione: Absolutely.

 

Ron: Right in one.

 

Harry: Honestly, I’d rather just spend my birthday with the kid. I only have a few days left with him.

 

Hermione: You WILL spend the day with him! You took the day off and you’ll drop him off at Shell just a few hours before bedtime.

 

Ron: And pick him up in the morning after you’ve slept off your hangover.

 

Harry: I don’t know.

 

Ginny: No, Harry. The correct response is ‘Thank you.’

 

Harry: *Grumbles* Thank you.

 

Ron: Right, well that’s all we needed to discuss.

 

Hermione: Ronald…

 

Ron: Ugh…fine!

        Ginny, you can invite Parkinson if you’d like.

 

Ginny: She was already coming. It’s a public bar, Ron, you don’t get to decide who I bring to it.

 

Harry: *Hermione voice* Ginevra…

 

Ginny: Thank. You. Ron.

 

Hermione: Look at that, Harry. Our babies are all grown up.

 

Harry: Where did the time go?

 

Hermione: Nowhere! I can still pinch those rosy cheeks.

 

Ron: I hope you’re talking about me.

 

Harry: I hope you’re talking about his face.

 

Hermione: ;)

 

\---

 

**Contact: PropertyOfSeamus**

 

Dean: Lo Harry

 

Harry: Are you allowed to be messaging to me?

 

Dean: Sure

 

Harry: …Ok

 

Dean: I was actually wondering if I could bring Seamus to your party tomorrow night?

 

Harry: I don’t know, Dean, is he going to punch me in the face again?

 

Dean: Nah, I’m pretty sure we’re past that.

 

Harry: Pretty sure?!?!

 

Dean: That’s what I said. : )

 

Harry: He doesn’t hate me anymore?

 

Dean: Look, mate, all I can do is promise he won’t punch you.

 

Harry: No curses either.

 

Dean: You have my word.

 

Harry: Then…Sure, bring him long!

 

Dean: You’re the best!

 

Harry: No, SEAMUS is the best!!! Please delete that message before he sees it and tries to spell my hair green again!

 

Dean: Oh yeah…Sorry about that.

* * *

 

FRIDAY 

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Are you busy this evening?

 

Prongs: I’m going up the pub with some of my mates…Sorry.

 

Greenviper: Which pub?

 

Prongs: Three Broomsticks

 

Greenviper: Why in the name of magic…

 

Prongs: Mate’s got a crush on the bar-woman there.

 

Greenviper: Abbott?

 

Prongs: That’s the one.

 

Greenviper: Hmm…Everyone deserves love, I guess.

 

Prongs: OH MY GOD! You are sooo judgy!

 

Greenviper: We can’t all be as virtuous as you, Lion Spawn.

 

Prongs: Was my house really that obvious? I was a hat-stall, I’ll have you know.

 

Greenviper: I can always tell your lot.

 

Prongs: How?

 

Greenviper: I was in love with one all through Hogwarts. Far too much time staring at your wretched table has given me an acute awareness of all things crimson and gold.

 

Prongs: Now I’m jealous.

 

Greenviper: Haha trust me, you REALLY don’t need to be.

 

\---

 

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Ginny: Text right before you leave Shell.

 

Harry: Not to be dramatic but if I walk into this pub and 30 people shout ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ at me then I’m going back in time and choosing death.

 

Ginny: Dark.

 

Hermione: Top of the list of things that aren’t funny.

 

Ron: I call your broomstick.

 

\---

 

Harry: I’m on my way.

 

\---

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: Where are you? You left me talking to Hannah 20 minutes ago and I’m terrified of running out of interesting things to say!

 

Harry: Not possible. She’s the only other person I know that has as big a hard-on for plants as you.

 

Neville: We are not dendrophiliacs!

 

Harry: That you even know the word speaks volumes.

 

Neville: Come on, Harry. I can’t mess this one up.

 

Harry: Look, I didn’t want to tell you this because I thought it would make you nervous but I know for a fact that Hannah changed her schedule so she could work this party and see you.

 

Neville: It’s a big party, she probably just wanted the tips.

 

Harry: Or she wanted to not serve anyone all night and just talk to your incredible arse!

 

Neville: You think?

 

Harry: I mean, I thought we really had something but I know how to surrender when the game is won.

 

Neville: We’ll always have the prophet.

 

Harry: *Groans * Stop flirting with me and talk to her, you helpless git. She looks upset.

 

Neville: Right.

 

Harry: Go get her, Fitbottom!

 

Neville: Excuse me?

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: You know what time it is?

 

Harry: … Yes?

 

Ginny: Shot-o-clock!

 

Harry: I was going to say 22:30 but…

 

\---

**Contact: PropertyofSeamus**

 

Harry: Your boyfriend just challenged me to a duel.

 

Dean: I’ve been in the bathroom less than a minute.

 

Harry: Yup.

 

Dean: I’ll come get him.

 

Harry: Much appreciated.

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: What’s that in your hand?

 

Harry: I don’t have anything in my hand.

 

Ginny: Wrong answer, Potter!

 

\---

**Groupchat: DA**

 

Ginny: Mates, if you’re at Harry’s party then it is up to us to make sure he gets brilliantly pissed tonight! I don’t EVER want to see him without a drink in hand and I don’t want him paying for one either. He saved you lot, show some respect!

 

Harry: NO!

 

George: Challenge accepted.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: HI-DRAAAA!

 

Greenviper: Oh how I was hoping for a message like this!

 

Prongs: Ppl keep bying me shots. Rude 2 sa no I think

 

Greenviper: Why are people buying you shots, Prongs?

 

Prongs: NOPE! Mm onto you. Stop trying to be snecky and figure who I am

           Sneeky*

 

Greenviper: HAHA how pissed are you?

 

Prongs: My mates keep buying me shots

 

Greenviper: So I’ve heard.

                Drink two cups of water.

                Get it from the Hufflepuff. I don’t trust your friends.

 

Prongs: Yes Sir!

 

Greenviper: The Dom in you is going to hate that in the morning.

 

Prongs: Switch, remember ;b

 

Greenviper: I don’t even want to begin to interpret that emoticon

 

\---

 

Prongs: I drink the water, Viper

 

Greenviper: Clearly not enough.

 

\---

**Groupchat: The Lesbians**

 

Harry: Geta room!

 

Pansy: Sure, Potter. Then maybe you can join us in it.

 

Ginny: Yes!!! He’ll let us peg him!

 

Harry: Is this real

 

Pansy: It’s your birthday, after all.

 

Ginny: This best night of my life!

 

Harry: No…Nope…badidea trick!

 

Pansy: Good choice, Potter. Ginevre, I KNEW you still wanted him!

 

Ginny: NO. I want to see the 2 you together   

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: I’m in truoble

 

Harry: I bet

 

Ginny: And I’m really drunk

 

Harry: That 2

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Have you sobered up at all?

 

Prongs: Kinda little bit

 

Greenviper: … Anyway, I have a present for you.

 

Prongs: Oh Viper u rembered!

          Wait what?

          How didu no

 

Greenviper: Know what?

                 I made you a gift to repay you for the books. I Really did enjoy them.

 

Prongs: O rite!!! K pres time!

 

Greenviper: I have alcohol poisoning from reading your messages.

 

Prongs: Sry

 

Greenviper: It’s in the wizards toilets, first stall. Message me when you get home and I’ll tell you how to use it.

                  Get a friend to side-long you home! Not a Gryffindor! You lot always drunk-splinch yourselves thinking you can out-nerve statistics! Again, I recommend Abbott. There is only one reason to invite a Hufflepuff to a party and it’s not to be the life of it.

 

Prongs: LOL Fine, Dad!

 

Greenviper: Stop that, you’ll give me a boner.

 

Prongs: U DO HAVE A DADDY KINK!

 

\---

 **Howlr** **Messaging:**

 

Prongs: To bottles and ear somthn?

 

Greenviper: Drink the blue bottle first. It’s a sobering potion!

 

Prongs: Thank you!

           Oh MY GOD. My messages are so embarrassing.

 

Greenviper: That, they are.

 

Prongs: What’s with the earpiece and the second potion?

 

Greenviper: The earpiece is a Wheezes product. It lets us talk to each other as if it were a spell phone call except it alters the sound of our voices in case we know each other. I'm pretty sure it's intended for prank calls but I thought it could serve us just as well.

 

Prongs: Wow. That’s so exciting! Can we do it now?

 

Greenviper: Yes. Just put it in your ear.

 

Prongs: Ok!

 

\---

**Howlr Call:**

 

Draco: "Prongs?"

 

Harry: "You don’t sound anything like you do in my head."

 

Draco: "Well that's because I don’t actually sound like this, you idiot."

 

Harry: "That sounds more like you. Ha."

 

Draco: "I almost got to hear you laugh just now."

 

Harry: "Now who’s sappy?"

 

Draco: "You’ve just felt a little surreal. This… Even if I’m not hearing the real you, this feels good."

 

Harry: "It really does! I’m kind of freaking out on this end."

 

Draco: "That’s cute. What are you doing exactly?"

 

Harry: "For starters, my foot won’t stop shaking and my heart’s racing and my face is red."

 

Draco: "So you’ve turned into a – "

 

Harry: "A fourth year, trying to score a lush date to the Yule Ball? Yes."

 

Draco: *Laughing*

 

Harry: "Hydra?"

 

Draco: ‘Hm?’

 

Harry: "What does the other potion do?"

 

Draco: "You’re about to turn even redder."

 

Harry: "Oh god."

 

_BUZZ_

 

\---

**Contact: Fleur**

 

Fleur: Harry, I don’t mean to do this on your birthday but Teddy woke up screaming and he hasn’t stopped for the past two hours. He won’t tell us what’s wrong. He just keeps asking for you.

 

Harry: I’m on my way!

 

\---

**Howlr Call:**

 

Draco: "Prongs, are you there?"

 

Harry: "Yes. I’m really really sorry but we’re going to have to do this another time. T- Something’s wrong with my godson and I have to go get him. *Muttering* I knew he was too young to stay the night."

 

Draco: "Of course you must go! Let me know he’s alright when you can."

 

Harry: "Ta. Later."

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: Crisis averted.  I really am sorry about ruining your plans for tonight.

 

Greenviper: There will be others nights.

                Is your godson ok?

 

Prongs: Yes. He just lost his first tooth and was worried the tooth fairy wouldn’t find him at his sleepover.

 

Greenviper: That’s painfully adorable.

 

Prongs: I know! He wouldn’t calm down until I took him home and laid down in bed with him.

 

Greenviper: Are you still there!?!?!

 

Prongs: Course… Trying to avoid another meltdown, thanks.

 

Greenviper: Stop texting me and go to sleep or the tooth fairy won’t come!

 

Prongs: Ha ha. I already put a couple galleons under his pillow.

 

Greenviper: Are you SURE you’re a wizard? Honestly, it’s a wonder they allow you to function without assistance.

                 Seriously, GO TO SLEEP. She’s not going to wait all night for you.

 

Prongs: Wait… Are you telling me that the TOOTH FAIRY is real?!?!?!

 

Greenviper: For wizards, yes! And she gives a lot better than galleons. Do not ruin this for that precious child!

* * *

 

SATURDAY 

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: I took a peak at the tooth fairy.

 

Greenviper: She doesn’t like it when you do that.

 

Prongs: So I’ve learned.

 

\---

**Groupchat: DA**

 

Ginny: Look at this great shot I got last night: 

 

         #FineArt

 

Harry: It was better live!

 

Dean: Why!?!?!

 

Seamus: Am I allowed to fight THIS ex?

 

Dean: Be my guest.

 

Ginny: Hahaha I’d like to see you try, Finnigan!

 

Pavarti: Someone better provide me with some footage.

 

Lavender: Babe, I got you!

 

Neville: My old screen saver was shit anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Beta's bril and I love her...Like a lot! 
> 
> Reviews and love are always welcome! It's been great getting to know some of you that have reached out to me on Tumblr. Remember, if you're having a bad day our favorite snarky boys are always here to give you a laugh!
> 
> xxx, PTP


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your REVIEWS, LOVE and PATIENCE! I do this for you all and the response has been amazing so far! I could not be happier!! :)
> 
> My Beta was wonderful this time around AND I DO MEAN WONDERFUL! So, I wanted to do something special for her. What did I do, you ask? I wrote her fluffy, cheesy, sappy poetry like my girl Ginny Weasley! 
> 
> 1\. Roses are red, violets are blue  
> My beta is beautiful and wonderful and true. 
> 
> 2\. (my take on a Tanka: 5,7,5,77)  
> My lovely beta  
> If I met you in person,  
> I would fall in love.  
> From your wit to your humor,  
> I'd be a total goner.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter deals with depression and is at points significantly more serious than other chapters. You have been warned!

 

SATURDAY 

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: Ok, tell it to me straight.

 

Greenviper: I can tell it to you bent…

 

Prongs: ***** Finger guns * I really loved that joke!

 

Greenviper: I thought you might. You have a terrible sense of humor and tend to gravitate toward the lowest hanging fruit.

 

Prongs: :(

 

Greenviper: What needs telling, Prongs?

 

Prongs: IS SANTA REAL TOO?

 

Greenviper: *Sigh* There was a Wizard named Nicholas, if that’s what you’re asking? He was arrested in 1823 for his blatant disregard for the statute of secrecy and died in Azkaban 10 years later.  

 

Prongs: Tell that story to children, do you?

 

Greenviper: That’s how it was told to me as a child. I had an Aunt who said his ghost haunted Azkaban and that on Christmas Eve he stole all the presents from children who played with muggles.

 

Prongs: Hydra…

 

Greenviper: I know.

 

                Apologies, I didn’t mean that to sound so lachrymose.

 

Prongs: Is that why your family’s in Azkaban?

 

Greenviper: Isn’t that why everyone’s family’s in Azkaban.

 

Prongs: Did you fight in the war?

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Greenviper: Something like that.

 

Prongs: Something like that?

 

Greenviper: I’d rather not discuss it.

 

Prongs: Ok.

 

Greenviper: Is that going to be a problem?

 

Prongs: No. Course not. I was prying. I really hate it when people ask me questions about it too.

Forgive me?

 

Greenviper: Just this once.

 

Prongs: Deal! The kid’s telling me to stop texting anyway.

 

Greenviper: Tell him I say ‘sharing is caring.’

 

Prongs: HAHAHA!! He says ‘Who said I cared.’

 

Greenviper: He gets that mouth from you.

 

Prongs: Definitely! Ttyl

 

\---

 

**Incoming call: Gin**

 

Harry: "Before you start talking, know you’re on speaker phone and that Teddy can hear you."

 

Ginny: "I don’t know what you’re implying."

 

Harry: "Nothing dearie, just making sure whatever story you’re about to tell lacks its usual… color."

 

Ginny: "Hush you. Hiya Ted!"

 

Teddy: "Lo" *Giggles* " Jimmy!"

 

Harry: "Why does he keep calling you that?”

 

Teddy: "Hahaha"

 

Ginny: "Never you mind, Potter."

 

Teddy: "Yeah. _Potter_."

 

Harry: "Is there a reason you called?"

 

Ginny: "Oh yeah, I called to make sure we were on the same page about the annual camping trip. Luna and Rolf are convinced we need to get to the site at FIVE AM to see the plimpies."

 

Harry: "I don’t really mind getting up early."

 

Ginny: "I’m not getting up at the arse crack of dawn to see a frogfish, Harry. Period."

 

Harry: "Ginny! I _just_ told you to watch your language."

 

Ginny: "Shit. Sorry."

 

Teddy: *Giggles*

 

Ginny: "Sorry."

 

Harry: "You’re hopeless."

 

Ginny: "What are you two up to?"

 

Harry: "Making dinn – "

 

Teddy: "WE’RE MAKING MACARONI MEN!"

 

Ginny: "Wow! What?"

 

Harry: "We fry macaroni and cheese in the shape of miniature people and I charm them to walk around the table."

 

Teddy: "IT’S SOOO COOL! They’re all named Mac and they live on marshmallow mountain."

 

Ginny: "Healthy."

 

Harry: "Marshmallow mountain is surrounded by broccoli trees."

 

Ginny: "A noted oversight on my part, I assure you. Is there enough for one more?"

 

Harry: "Sure! Just don’t tell Pansy I let you eat deep fried cheese."

 

Ginny: "What the queen doesn’t know won’t hurt me."

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: What’s up with you not wanting to meet Prongs in person? You got a small prick or something?

 

Greenviper: You must be the Ex.

 

Prongs: How’d you know?

 

Greenviper: Call it a hunch.

 

Prongs: Talks about me a lot, huh?

 

Greenviper: He said you were mean.

 

Prongs: Rather mean than evasive.

 

Greenviper: Rather evasive than a ‘match-maker.’

 

Prongs: He told you about that?

 

Greenviper: A week after YOU broke up with him? Tactless.

 

Prongs: For fuck’s sake!

 

            Just do me a favour and don’t fuck this up.

 

Greenviper: Where is he?

 

Prongs: Putting his godson to bed. He sings him a song and everything. I had to leave, it was giving me a cavity.

 

Greenviper: Are you the only two adults there?

 

Prongs: :) Don’t be jealous, Diddums. I’m gay.

 

Greenviper: Technically, so is he.

 

Prongs: I’m the gayer twin.

 

Greenviper: Pardon?

 

Prongs: You had to be there.

 

Greenviper: What did he see in you?

 

Prongs: My arse.

 

\---

 

Prongs: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!!! She has no boundaries, sorry!

 

Greenviper: She loves you.

 

Prongs: She does. I love her too. Not romantically, though.

 

Greenviper: If you say so. She seemed possessive.

 

Prongs: That’s just her personality. You have nothing to worry about, she’s the gayer twin.

 

Greenviper: What does that even mean?

 

Prongs: Inside joke.

 

Greenviper: I never want to be in the same room as you two.

 

Prongs: Wise but likely unavoidable. Her girlfriend hates it!

 

Greenviper: At least I’ll have a friend.

 

Prongs: So there’s this purple bottle just sitting on my bedside table, know anything about it?

 

Greenviper: Smooth segue.

 

Prongs: I thought so.

 

Greenviper: Are you alone?

 

Prongs: Sure am.

 

Greenviper: Any loose teeth?

 

Prongs: Ha. Not to my knowledge.

 

Greenviper: Are you naked?

 

Prongs: Could do.

 

Greenviper: Do.

 

                 Put in the ear piece when you’re ready.

\---

 

**Howlr Call:**

 

Harry: "It’s in."

 

Draco: ***** Chuckle* "You make it too easy."

 

Harry: "Oh my god, I did not mean it like that."

 

Draco: "Shame."

 

Harry: *Laughing* "Slag."

 

Draco: "Why are you whispering?"

 

Harry: "I’m afraid."

 

Draco: "Not of little old me, I hope?"

 

Harry: "Of waking the irritable beast that is child."

 

Draco: "Tell me you’ve heard of a silencing charm."

 

Harry: "A what?"

 

Draco: *Audible sigh* "Prongs…"

 

Harry: "kidding. Just a friendly reminder that I’m naked."

 

Draco: "You’ll be needing that silencing charm."

 

Harry: "Promises… promises. Silencio!"

 

Draco: "Ah, there’s a good lad."

 

Harry: "You’re such an arse."

 

Draco: "He says affectionately.  Do you trust me, Prongs?"

 

Harry: "Course."

 

Draco: "Gryffindor. Take the potion."

 

Harry: "What does it do?"

 

Draco: "Drink it and I’ll show you."

 

Harry: "Mmmmm it tastes like maple syrup."

 

Draco: "That sound should be illegal."

 

Harry: "Liked that, did you?"

 

Draco: "Impossible not to. You have to say ‘I consent’ to activate the potion."

 

Harry: "I consent.  Fuck! That feels…Merlin, it’s like. _What_ is that?"

 

Draco: "It’s a potion I invented. I took the alpha draft. Where ever I touch myself, you can feel it on your body. For example, this is my hand on your inner thigh. And this…"

 

Harry: "Christ! Mhm…So everything you’re doing to me; you’re also doing to yourself."

 

Draco: "I believe that’s how I said it worked, yes."

 

Harry: "You’ll be the death of me, you snarky prat."

 

Draco: "Magnificent, I only intended to get you off but it seems one truly can have it all."

 

Harry: "Mean."

 

Draco: "Somehow I think I’ll make it up to you."

 

Harry: "This better be good." *Hisses* "Owe! Did you just _pinch_ yourself?"

 

Draco: "Right, now close your eyes and listen."

 

Harry: "This is the sound of me listening."

 

Draco: "Good, because I just got to your place."

 

Harry: ***** Voice panicked* "You did?"

 

Draco: "Salazar. Go with the convention, Prongs."

 

Harry: "You did!"

 

Draco: "Mind healers everywhere marvel at why I put up with you."

 

Harry: "You’re at my place. I offer you a drink."

 

Draco: "I assume you only have beer. Instead, you bring out a dusty bottle of Ogden’s with a ridiculous grin on your face. You’re very proud of yourself."

 

Harry: "I sound cute."

 

Draco: "You are. So cute that I suggest skipping drinks all together."

 

Harry: "Smart man."

 

Draco: "I push you onto your bed. You look up at me, bewildered. This isn’t how you imagined things going, all those times you fantasized about us, but you like it."

 

Harry: "I really like it!"

 

Draco: "I vanish your clothes, sitting at your feet – appraising you. It’s important to me, deciding which parts of you I want touch first. Eventually, I slowly slide my hands down your chest then back up your thighs."

 

Harry: "Holy…Fuck, I-I can feel you. I-it’s like you’re really here."

 

Draco: "Sssh, I am here. You’ve just got a blindfold on so, unfortunately for you, you can’t see all the truly depraved things I’m going to do to you."

 

Harry: "I wish I could see how gorgeous you are right now."

 

Draco: "No, no, dearest, that’s not how this game is played. _I_ get to see, though." *Whispering* "I can see how hard you are for me."

 

Harry: "I’ve been like this since you walked in the door."

 

Draco: "Randy little prat then, aren’t you? I’d suggest calming down. I’m in the mood to take things slow.  I start with your face. I trace each plain with a light hand."

 

Harry: *Breathily* "Feels nice."

 

Draco: "I linger on your lips with two fingers. Huh uh … so soft, it almost feels like a kiss." 

 

Harry: "God!"

 

Draco: "It’s actually ‘Hydra,’ but ‘God’ works too."

 

Harry: *Laughing * "Bugger off."

 

Draco: "If you’re sure."

 

Harry: "Wait no, don’t stop." *Groan* "Oh, thank Merlin."

 

Draco: "I slip the fingers into your mouth and flirt with your tongue." *Slightly muffled* "Can you feel them? On your tongue?"

 

Harry: " _Yes"_

 

Draco: "You suck them into your mouth." *Sucking sounds * "Uhh that feels incredible. Mmm makes me wonder what else you can do with that mouth."

 

Harry: "Fuck! I don’t know what’s hotter, feeling the sucking in my mouth _and_ on my fingers or the image of you doing this to yourself at home."

 

Draco: "So help me, if you break character one more time, I’ll stop altogether."

 

Harry: ***** Snicker* "Sorry."

 

Draco: "I run the slicked fingers over your chest, leaving light kisses on your arms along the way."

 

Harry: *Startled yelp*

 

Draco: "Sorry, sometimes I bite."

 

Harry: "Bloody fucking Christ!"  

 

Draco: "Your nipples are hard and erect and tempting but I don’t touch them quite yet."

 

Harry: ***** On a moan* " _Hydra."_

 

Draco: "Yes? Oh, listen to you. You’re so desperate for it, I can hear it in your breathing. Still, I rub around your nipples. I want to suck them, to bite them until you forget why it feels good but instead I graze the top of each peak."

 

Harry: "You’re evil."

 

Draco: "Ah fuck!"

 

Harry: "Fuu – Mmm, yes! Keep narrating what you’re doing. I like hearing you say it."

 

Draco: "I-I alternate pinching them as’ *Whines* ‘hard as I can with rolling circles gently at the tip. How does it feel?"

 

Harry: "Hydra, I’m leaking, just touch _me_."

 

Draco: "I am touching you." 

 

Harry: "You know what I mean. My - my" 

 

Draco: "I want you to say it."

 

Harry: "My cock. _Fuck._ "

 

Draco: "No, I don’t think I will."

 

Harry: *Growl*

 

Draco: "Did you just go primal on me?"

 

Harry: "Mmm-my nipples are really sensitive. Uh uh Christ, I’m going to buck myself off the bed soon."

 

Draco: "Mmmm shit. Huh" *Panting* "I might fuck you, though. I have a cock hard and ready for you."

 

Harry: "Fuck yesss!"

 

Draco: "Now be a good boy and ask me nicely for it."

 

Harry: "Don’t tease."

 

Draco: "Manners, Prongs."

 

Harry: "Pretty please, Hydra, will you fuck me?"

 

Draco: "Oh tisk tisk, I’m not sure about that disingenuous tone."

 

Harry: "I beg you not to make me look that word up right now."

 

Draco: "Oooh begging, there’s an idea."  ***** Ragged breath * "I smack your right nipple for added inspiration."

 

Harry: "FUCK! Merlin, please Hydra. I want it. M-make me wet for you. Open me up and give me what you promised. I-I’m desperate for it."

 

Draco: *Whimpering* "Salazar, I want to touch my cock so bad."

 

Harry: *Audible pants* "By all means…"

 

Draco: "Valiant effort, alas –"

 

Harry: "OH oh oh God!! Yes!"

 

Draco: *Strained and determined* "I coat a finger in lube and bring it back and forth against your rim. AH Ah Aa-and around the circumference."

 

Harry: " _Please_ put it in."

 

Draco: "I slide two fingers into the knuckle." *Whimpering* "I go right to the place I know will – FUCKING HUH f-fuck!"

 

Harry: "OH FUCK! Yes, keep fucking me with your fingers. MMMmmmmmm That – Just do t-that!"

 

Draco: "I pull out my fingers, watching your hole pulse for me. Your pucker’s practically begging for my cock."

 

Harry: "Yes –  please! I’m begging you, fuck me open! Hard and messy. I want to feel you. I want to know you’re doing the same thing to yourself."

 

Draco: "Fucking Salazar! I can’t do it. This is a failed experiment. I can’t tease you without teasing myself."

 

Harry: *Chuckling* "No. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Just fuck us, baby. Believe me, I’ve been tortured enough."

 

Draco: 'Please, not even close. But fuck it! I’m lubing up the dildo. Do you feel it in your hands? The smooth head slick and ready."

 

Harry: "Please Hydra, just put it in!"

 

Draco: "OH MY GOD! It slides in, a brilliant kind of resistance."

 

Harry: "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

 

Draco: "MMMM! Oooo-oh yeah, did I forget to mention it vibrates. I work it in and out. Feel yourself clamp down on it. L-let the vibration travel through your whole body."

 

Harry: "FUCK! The head of my cock is red and leaking. You’re driving me insane. FASTER."

 

Draco: 'How about this? You like it? Is. This. Fast. Enough. For. you? Are you going to come? OH FUCK!"

 

Harry: "RIGHT THERE! Don’t stop, please don’t stop! I’m so close!  Touch yourself. Please touch yourself. Touch me! I’mmhmm s-so close!"

 

Draco: "HUH YES! Yes yes yes yes. Feels so. I’m touch – CHRIST!"

 

Harry: *Long groan* "Shit I’m going to – Ohhhh My – FUCK!"

 

Draco: "PO – Mmmm FUCKING! Shit."

 

Harry: *Labored breathing*

 

Draco: *Labored breathing* "I hope that silencing charm worked."

 

Harry:  *Exhausted chuckle* "You and me, both."

 

Draco: "Does your godson know you fancy blokes?"

 

Harry: "Course. I’m pretty open with him about most things. Not to mention, his Dad was bi so… I don’t know. It just seemed important to talk about it early. His gran wasn’t too keen, mind."

 

Draco: "She asked you not to say anything?"

 

Harry: "Well, I didn’t exactly ask her permission. She thought he was too young to understand it. And I said, ‘what, too young to understand love? He sees that every day.’ *Sigh* She’s not homophobic, per say. She’s just from a different time. She’s sort of like you, actually. She grew up in a prejudiced pure-blood family and was able to sort herself out in time but, you know, some of that upbringing lingers."

 

Harry: "Hydra?"

 

Draco: "Are you always like this?"

 

Harry: "Huh?"

 

Draco: "So sure about things you know nothing about or have no definitive proof of."

 

Harry: "I have reliably good instincts."

 

Draco: *Voice shaky* "I’m sure that’s true."

 

Harry: "Are you ok? You sound weird. Did I say something?"

 

Draco: "No. It’s just late."

 

Harry: "It’s not that late."

 

Draco: "It’s so late, it’s past tomorrow."

 

Harry: "Deep."

 

Draco: *Laughs* "Night, Prongs."

 

Harry: "Sweet dreams, Hydra."  

* * *

 

SUNDAY 

 

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Harry: This morning Teddy asked me if he could call me ‘Dad.’ Am I a terrible person for loving it?

 

Ginny: Course not.

 

Hermione: That is a totally natural response to have when the child you help raise says that, Harry. You should not feel guilty.

 

Ron: What did you say?

 

Harry: I told him he could call me ‘God Da’ if he didn’t like ‘Harry’ anymore.  He said that ‘Harry’ didn’t ‘define the relationship.’

 

Ron: Huh?

 

Harry: Ginny was over last night.

 

Hermione: Ah.

 

Ginny: That’s my boy!

 

Hermione: Harry, are you going to be alright tonight?

 

Harry: I just want to enjoy the time I have left.

 

Hermione: OK

 

\---

 

**Contact: Andromeda**

 

Andromeda: Harry, where are you? I’m getting anxious.

 

Harry: We’re just putting the finishing touches on your card. Be there in a bit!

 

Andromeda: I’d rather have my grandson back if it’s all the same to you.

 

Harry: Right. We’re on our way.

 

* * *

 

MONDAY  

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: Where are you, mate? McGonagall looks murderous.

 

\---

 

Neville: I covered for you.  Hope you’re not dead somewhere. HA HA

\---

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: You will not BELIEVE the day I had.

 

Harry: I’m sure I will.

 

Ginny: Excuse me?

 

Harry: Did you and Parkinson have another fight? Did Luna stand you up for Rolf again? Did you only score 50 points in the match as opposed to your usual 3000 again? OH, oh, oh did your Mum introduce your gf as your roommate…again? Forgive me if I’m less than shocked by your continuous cycle drama.

 

Ginny: I think the wand you shoved up your bum got stuck and transfigured you into an arsehole.

\---

 

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Hermione: How are you?

 

Harry: Great.

\---

 

**Contact: Roonil Wazlib**

 

Harry: Tell your girlfriend to keep her nose out.

 

Ron: I don’t TELL Hermione anything because I want to one day have the option of having children.

* * *

 

TUESDAY 

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: Give me a sign of life.

 

Harry: 

 

Neville: Well, as long as you have time to be a smart arse.

\---

 

**Groupchat: Golden Trio**

 

Hermione: We thought it might be nice if you came over for dinner tonight.

 

Ron: I’m cooking! Won’t be as fancy as your meals, I reckon, but it’ll get the job done.

 

Harry: Pass.

 

Hermione: Mind giving an explanation, oh rude one.

 

Harry: Third wheel in the domestic life of Romione just isn’t the move tonight.

 

Hermione: Oh, Harry.

 

Ron: You know that’s not how we feel at all, mate.

 

Harry: As long as that’s not how YOU feel then everything’s fucking brill.  

 

* * *

 

WEDNES DAY 

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: Are you planning on turning up today?

 

Harry: No. I think I’ll have another lie in.

 

Neville: Are you ill or…

 

Harry: I just don’t feel like sitting at another pointless staff meeting. I’m sure you’ll get on without me.

 

Neville: What the hell’s the matter with you?! We’ve been working towards this for years. You’re about to be a professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry not working part time at a shop in flipping Diagon!

 

Harry: I’m the flying instructor.

 

Neville: For now. You’re on a fast track to DADA and you know it. Hogwarts is about to reopen for the first time in five years. It’s a crucial time for the British wizarding world and we’re a part of that. We can’t afford to slack off.

 

Harry: It’s a meeting! Jesus, Neville, leave it.

 

Neville: THREE MEETINGS! The re-opening ball’s next week. Young British witches and wizards’ have been spread out in schools all over Europe and now they’ll finally get to come to Hogwarts! There’s no room for error. We have to prove to the Wizarding World that Hogwarts is more than a madman trying to kill off muggleborns. I thought you of all people would understand that. Hogwarts is your home too!

 

Harry:  Somebody get this guy a soapbox.

 

Neville: You know what, I’ve been covering for you the past couple days but I’m done. I told McGonagall you walked in a patch of poisonous tundy root and couldn’t get out of bed. She’s smart enough to know the effects only last three days, so tomorrow you’re on your own.  

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Hey stranger.

 

Greenviper: I don’t really have anything to say but I want to talk to you.

 

Greenviper: I’m trying not to take this personally. Have I misplaced a fight somewhere in my memory?

 

Greenviper: The silent treatment? kindly get off the stage, that’s my line.

 

Greenviper: For the record, I’m not a stalker, however, I noticed you haven’t even logged onto the app in three days. Are you OK?

 

\---

 

Greenviper: You better not be OK. You better be lying in St. Mungo’s drinking meals from a straw. I can see you saw my messages!

 

Prongs: Very nice, Hydra.

 

Greenviper: What the fuck, Prongs? Where have you been?

 

Prongs: Living my life…I know this might be hard for a narcissist like yourself to grasp, but the world does keep spinning even if you’re not at the center of it.

 

Greenviper: Fuck you.

 

\---  

**Groupchat: Fab four**

 

Hermione: Neville says you haven’t been to work in three days.

 

Harry: Did he tell you the number of shits I took today too?

 

Ron: Out of order, mate!

 

Ginny: Fantastic. You’re still like this.

 

Harry: Hadn’t you heard, Gin. I Decided to take a page out of your book and give 24-7 twat a try.

 

Ginny: And that’s my cue.

 

Ron: I know you’re going through something right now but watch your fucking mouth, yeah?

 

Harry: Sry.  

 

\---

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Hermione: Have you been taking your potion, Harry?

 

Harry: What do you think?

 

         Did you tell the others about it?

 

Hermione: You asked me not to, so I haven’t. Not even Ron. Though, I will say again that I don’t think anyone would judge you.

 

Harry: Is that all?

 

Hermione: Just this, you know what the mind healer said, if you’re not going to go to therapy you NEED to keep up with the potions.

 

Harry: I’m fine.  

 

Hermione: You’re not fine, Harry, and I think you know that. I really wish you would let us help you.

\---

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Shit.If there’s anything I can do… you can tell me.

 

                 Listen, you’re clearly in a bad place right now. I...I know what it’s like. I was in the same place for a really long time. Not that I think I know exactly what you’re going through. Just..if you think talking to some stranger on your spellular will help, I’m here.

 

\---

 

Prongs: You’re not a stranger.

 

Greenviper: No. I’m not.

* * *

 

THURSDAY 

 

**Groupchat: Fab four**

 

Hermione: I know taking Teddy back to Andromeda’s has been hard on you but you can’t shut everyone out like this.

 

Ron: Yeah, talk to us mate!

 

Harry: You think it’s been ‘hard’ on me? You can’t even begin to imagine what this feels like. They all leave me. My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore. Fuck, even Hedwig. Every time I start to feel like I’ve finally got a family, it gets taken away from me.

 

Ginny: Harry, Teddy adores you. Where he sleeps at night can’t change that.

 

Ron: Bloody hell, Mum would adopt you if she could.

 

Hermione: And we have always been a family, Harry! I’m closer to you and Ron then I’ve ever been to my parents.  

 

Harry: No. You and Ron are a family. You’ll get married and have kids that will also be your family. Ginny will have Pansy and Neville will have Hannah and Teddy will have Andromeda and I’ll just be a side relative everyone calls uncle but doesn’t actually belong.

 

Hermione: Harry, no. You can’t possibly think that.

 

Harry: Why not? It’s true. One day, Hermione, you’re going to face the fact that when you get home from work you and Ron have each other. You don’t have to go to the store alone, or cook alone or eat dinner alone. There’s no cooling off after a fight because you’re stuck in the same house and you just have to deal with each other. That’s family!

 

           You don’t have to wake up from a nightmare, alone, and wishing it were real because MAYBE then at least it’d be over.

 

Ginny: We’re coming through the floo.

 

Hermione: Harry, let down your wards. You know I’ll get through them eventually.

 

Harry: Good luck with that. I’m more powerful than you. By the time you work your way through them, I’ll be gone.

 

\---

 

Ron: Fuck.  He left his Spellular.

 

Ginny: This is so much worse than last time.

 

Hermione: No, last time you'd just broken his heart and the time before that, well, he had you, didn’t he?

 

Ginny: What the hell is that supposed to mean?  

 

Hermione: I guess I still don’t get it. You two were mad about each other. You couldn’t keep your hands off one another… then one day you woke up and decided to end it?

 

Ginny: Oh My Fucking GOD! I am running out of creative ways to explain this to people! I’ll break it down for you, even though it’s not anyone’s business but mine and Harry’s. Something wasn’t right between us. Everything was ‘supposed to be’ and never quite was. We were supposed to be perfect. I was supposed to be the hero’s trophy. Sex was great but it was supposed to be passionate. Harry was supposed to be my PREFERRED GENDER but that wasn’t in the fucking stars, OK? Aren’t you supposed to be the clever one?  

 

Ron: Just stop it, the both of you. This is not about us!

* * *

 

FRIDAY 

 

**Groupchat: DA**

 

Ron: Harry’s in a really bad spot and he’s run off. We haven’t heard from him since yesterday morning. Please keep a look out for him or for any clues of where he might be throughout the day.

 

Luna: I’ll check the forbidden forest.

 

Angelina: What happened? We saw him at the party last week and he seemed fine.

 

Ginny: Teddy went back to Andromeda.

 

Neville: I’m such an idiot, I should have known. I was such a dick to him.

 

Padma: According to my records, he owns two public properties in the wizarding world. His flat, which I’m sure you’ve already checked, and number 12 grimmauld place. Have you looked there?

 

Hermione: Yes. That’s first place we checked.

 

Padma: He owns another property but the address is private in his file.

 

Hermione: Thank you, Padma.

 

Dean: He hasn’t been at Auror training for the past couple days either.

 

Ginny: We figured.

 

\---

 

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Ginny: Pansy says to check Godric’s Hollow.

 

Ron: We went there earlier… you were there.

 

Ginny: Not the grave, Potter Cottage.  She said she saw him going into the house.

 

Hermione: Why was Pansy in Godric’s Hollow?

 

Ginny: She said she had a shoot there, but she had her lie voice on. I’ll pester her about it later. For now, we know where he is!

 

Hermione: We can’t all show up and bombard him.

 

Ron: I’ll go get him. You two will make him talk. Right now all he needs is a hug and to come home.

 

Ginny: Ok.

 

Hermione: Keep us updated.

 

* * *

 

SATURDAY 

 

 **Contact:** **Roonil Wazlib**

 

Harry: Hey.

 

Ron: Hey, you just getting up?

 

Harry: The potion always makes me super drowsy after I don’t take it for a bit.

 

Ron: Yeah, you’ve been in and out since yesterday.

 

       I’m glad you told me about it.

 

Harry: Should have sooner, I think.

 

Ron: Eh… I know now.

 

\--- 

**Groupchat: Golden Trio**

 

Harry: What’s up with Teddy’s room?

 

Hermione: We invited ourselves to come stay for a bit.

 

Harry: You don’t have to do that.

 

Ron: We know, but we’re going to anyway.

 

Harry: This is REALLY unnecessary.

 

Ron: Not taking no for an answer, mate.

 

Hermione: That’s right, we miss you! We had some work to catch up on but we’ll see you tonight.

\---

 

**Groupchat: DA**

 

Harry: Thank you guys. I’m really embarrassed. I’m not sure what to say other than thank you for caring.

 

Luna: We’re just glad you’re safe.

 

Neville: Do not be embarrassed, Harry. We all have bad weeks! Remember when I was practically living in the Janice thickly ward.

 

Dean: And when Seamus set his mum’s house on fire.

 

Seamus: HEY!

 

Padma: Parvati wasn’t eating solid food for a while.

 

Parvati: Lavender stopped taking Wolfsbane for a year and almost got herself arrested.

 

Lavender: Cho hasn’t done a drop of magic in three years.  

 

George: We’re all a bunch of nutters, Harry. You’re not special.

 

Harry: You guys are the best!

 

Ginny: We know.

 

\--- 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Please do not apologize to me.

 

Prongs: How did you know…

 

Greenviper: As I said, I am tragically familiar with the steps of an episode. I assume you are in the apology phase. Congratulations, that means you’re doing better. I just don’t need to be on the list.

 

Prongs: You definitely do!

 

Greenviper: If you were dreadfully ill, confined to your bed, would you apologize for it?

 

Prongs: If it hurt someone else…probably.

 

Greenviper: That’s where you and I differ, Prongs. Did you wish illness on yourself? No. When you break your arm, do you apologise for it? Of course not. It’s not your fucking fault we were forced to fight in war when we were teenagers, Ok? Frankly, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t a bit fucked up.

 

Prongs: Where did you come from?

 

            Follow up, how did I get so lucky?

 

Greenviper: Trite.

 

Prongs: It’s not eloquent but it’s accurate, ok. You hush up and take it.

 

Greenviper: Yes, sir.

 

Prongs: 8-----> ‘,

 

Greenviper: That!!! You MUST apologize for.

 

Prongs: You know what, I don’t think I will. Some fool empowered me.

 

Greenviper: Fool, indeed.

 

\--- 

**Groupchat: DA**

 

Harry: You guys want to know something weird?

 

Luna: Always!

 

Harry: Guess who was skulking around Godric’s Hollow?

 

Neville: Who?

 

Harry: Draco Malfoy.

 

Katie: Harry no!

 

Ron: Not again.

 

Dean: I thought we banned his name from this chat.

 

Harry: Guys…I think he might be up to something!

 

         :b

 

Ginny: Booooo!

 


	6. Chapter 6

MONDAY 

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: So, how much trouble are you in with McGonagall?

 

Harry: Neville, Neville, Neville, Minerva could never be mad at me. I saved her school, if you’ve forgotten.

 

Neville: … She gave you the first week of evening patrols, didn’t she?

 

Harry: Try first MONTH.

 

Neville: Month?!?! Shit.

 

Harry: I know. Neeeeeev, all the students are going to hate me!

 

Neville: Yeah…

 

Harry: That’s your word of encouragement – ‘yeah?’

 

Neville: It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to a school full of teenagers.

 

Harry: Ha. Ha. You know what, I’m just not going to bust them on anything. What’s Hogwarts without a little TOM-foolery.

 

Neville: WOW. Did Harry Potter just make a Voldemort joke?

 

Harry: Had to. If anyone else did it would be inappropriate.   

 

Neville: Still in poor taste, I think.

 

Harry: Fair.

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Harry: EW EW EW no no no no no no! My eyes!

 

Ginny: Harry…no!

 

Harry: Yes. Unfortunately, yes. It has happened and I am blind. My eyes will NEVER come back from this.

 

Ginny: I’ll buy you a peg leg for Christmas.

 

Harry: To go with my eyepatch?

 

Ginny: Harry Potter, you get me.

 

Harry: Arrg.

 

Ginny: lol It was bound to happen to one of us eventually.

           … I’m glad it was you.

 

Harry: Piss off

 

\---

**Groupchat:  Golden Trio**

 

Hermione: Harry?

 

Harry: Nope.

 

Ron: We’re really sorry, mate.

 

Harry: NOPE.

 

Hermione: Come on, we should be able to discuss this as civilized adults.

 

Harry: Fine. Ground rules of the flat. There are bedrooms for a reason. If you’re so keen on the couch, we can arrange to have it put in your bedroom or burned. Either works for me.

 

Hermione: If something natural makes you that uncomfortable, we will replace the couch. Ron and I are sincerely sorry, we thought you’d be at work.

 

Harry: I got off early.

 

Ron: Lucky…We didn’t get off early enough!

 

Hermione: Ronald!

 

Harry: NO.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging: Greenviper**

 

Prongs: I just walked in on my best friends having sex in my living room.

 

Greenviper: What position?

 

Prongs: Don’t be disgusting.

 

Greenviper: Don’t be a prude, Prongs. If they’re anything like you, I bet it was positively ribald.

 

Prongs: I came here for comfort and support in this trying time.

 

Greenviper: What if I promised to help you return the favor at some point.

 

Prongs: Much better!

 

Greenviper: I thought as much. Truly, though, it isn’t that big a deal. I’ve walked in on my friends loads of times. Once, I thought I was meeting my best friend at her place for brunch and instead I met her girlfriend…tied to a swing… in the middle of the living room.

 

Prongs: Christ!

 

Greenviper: Exactly.

* * *

 

TUESDAY 

 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: I have bad news and news that is more bad than the first bad news.

 

Harry: Oh god. Do I have to know?

 

Neville: Yes.

 

Harry: Alright, go ahead.

 

Neville: I accidentally made bodily contact with Immobile Mushrooms and now I’m paralyzed from the nipples down.

 

Harry: CHRIST Neville! What the hell? Do I want to know why it’s nipples down?

         Yes, yes I want to know.

 

Neville: Because I didn’t brew the antidote fast enough and I was only able to preserve about a quarter of my body.

 

Harry: How long does it last?

 

Neville: A week and a half, more or less.

 

Harry: Fucking hell! You’re going to miss the ball!

         Wait a second, what’s the worse news?

 

Neville: Well…Since I can’t move, you have to take my place as head of the party planning committee and finish the last minute preparations for the ball.

 

Harry: Yeah, no. I’m not doing that! If it wasn’t mandatory, I wouldn’t even be going to the bloody thing! I don’t know the first thing about planning a ball.

 

Neville: You don’t need to plan it. It’s already planned. You just have to manage and make sure everything’s in place on time. I will be here to help via Spellular in any way I can.

 

Harry: What spell gets me out of this?  

 

Neville: A Time-Turner.

 

Harry: Don’t tease.  Why the hell were you near Immobile Mushrooms in the first place?

 

Neville: I wanted a challenge for the Newt students. I’m up against Matilda Spore at Beauxbatons who practically revolutionized modern magical herbology. I didn’t want the transferring students to feel like they got the bad end of the wand when they got me as their professor.

 

Harry: Merlin, what do you need me to do?

  
Neville: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Apparate to my flat so I can go over the basic schedule with you.

 

Harry: I hate this.

 

Neville: I know.

 

\--- 

**Calling: Violet Tan**

 

Lavender: "Harry?"

 

Harry: "Hey, Lavender."

 

Lavender: "How have you been since last week’s ... well, you know."

 

Harry: "Oh, um… A lot better, yeah."

 

Lavender: "I’m really glad to hear it, Harry! So, what’s up?"

 

Harry: "Right. I’m taking over for Neville with all the opening ball rubbish and – "

 

Lavender: "Oh right, poor dear! I heard from Parvati who heard from Hannah that he’s had a terrible accident. Can he really not move at all? I mean, honestly, some people never change from Hogwarts. Of course, I’ve changed loads thanks to the beast that shall not be named! I swear if he wasn’t already rotting in Azkaban, I’d go full wolf and kill him myself! And to think,  _just_ that morning Sybil said there was bad hair in my future." *sniffles* "Sorry Harry, working the ball has brought back all these old feelings. You were saying?"

 

Harry: "I…uh… Just needed to discuss delivery and setup for your decorations."

 

Lavender: "Yes, that’s it."

 

Harry: "The Ministry denied our request to move the the decorations via express because they’re concerned about the muggle traffic in front of the platform."

 

Lavender: "What do they think? That my staff’s going to roll it in on a neon bloody float or something? We are professionals, after all. We know how to be discreet."

 

Harry: "Yeah… I know you didn’t want to use the Floo network for the delivery but the giant fireplace in the kitchens looks like our best bet at the moment."

 

Lavender: "It’s not just _me_ who didn’t want to use the Floo network. It was for the good of the whole party! Do you know what soot does to lacewing silk?"

 

Harry: "Nothing good, I suppose."

 

Lavender: "A travesty, more like! Don’t worry, I’ll handle it. We’ll be there at ten to set up. Is that satisfactory?"

 

Harry: "Perfect."

 

Lavender: "Later, then."  

 

Harry: "Bye."

 

\--- 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: The grand prize for the raffle fell through. And we need to secure a replacement as soon as possible.

 

Harry: I suppose it’s me that needs to be doing the securing.

 

Neville: That’s the idea, yes.

 

Harry: Mushrooms are my new sworn enemy. I WILL VANQUISH THEM ALL!

 

Neville: Focus that enthusiasm on finding me another prize.

 

Harry: Fine!

 

\--- 

**Incoming Call: Unknown**

 

Harry: "Hello?"

 

McGonagall: "Harry? This is Minerva McGonagall; Neville gave me your number. I trust that’s alright with you?"

 

Harry: "Y-yes. Min – Mcgon – You have a Spellular?"

 

McGonagall: "Don’t sound so surprised, Mr. Potter. I have rebuilt a school from rubble, you’ll find I’m more than capable of operating a mobile spell phone."

 

Harry: "Yes, Ma’am."

 

McGonagall: "Now, I’m just calling to check in. Neville has informed me you have agreed to take his place in handling the last minute arrangements for this Friday."

 

Harry: ***** Audible swallow*

 

McGonagall: "I needn’t tell you how important it is for the school that this go well."

 

Harry: "No, that part’s been made abundantly clear."

 

McGonagall: "Good. Contact me if there are any mishaps." *Pause* "Potter?"

 

Harry: "Yes!"

 

McGonagall: "Don’t let there be any mishaps."

 

Harry: "Right."

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Harry: I am going to be single-handedly responsible for the downfall of Hogwarts.

 

Ginny: What else is new.

 

Harry: You’re not funny.

 

Ginny: Aw. What can I do to help the ickle Hero?

 

Harry: I’m going to ignore your virtual tone in exchange for an actual favor.

 

Ginny: Fire away.

 

Harry: Could you sign one of your old jerseys and donate it to the Hogwarts ball as a raffle prize? Pretty please?!?

 

Ginny: Harry…if you wanted one of my old jerseys, all you had to do is ask.

 

Harry: I’m assuming that’s a ‘yes’ and am moving on.

 

Ginny: Are you going to put it on a pillow, cuddle with it at night? Let it remind you of a better time?

 

Harry: Yes…A time of ginger hairballs, no covers and the scent of sweaty armguards. You’re absolutely right, how have I managed without you?

 

Ginny: The world may never know, Harry. It may never know.

 

Harry: Hey, does Pansy let you bring those into the flat?

 

Ginny: Fuck no.

 

Harry: Knew it.

 

* * *

 

WEDNESDAY 

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Harry: Wth, Gin? I asked you to sign an old jersey. This is a Firebolt Infinity signed by your entire team! Fuck the raffle, I want to keep this for myself.

 

Ginny: You’re Welcome! The team gets broom prototypes all the time so it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

 

Harry: Gin…this broom is worth like 30,000 galleons

 

Ginny: Harry, I could never quantify the love I have for our friendship.

 

Harry: Damn it! I walked right into it … again! This is blow-vember all over again.

 

Ginny: I assure you, I am ignorant to what you are referring.

 

Harry: You don’t remember giving me a blow job EVERY day in November then not so subtly asking me to do a publicity tour to promote your brother’s Spell Phone company?

 

Ginny: You had fun! You got to hang out with Ron and George the whole time.

 

Harry: You ruined blow jobs for me.

 

Ginny: Really?!? So if your Howlr bf apparated to your flat and offered to suck you off you’d what? Politely decline?

 

Harry: Maybe?!?

 

Ginny: Shut the fuck up. You would not! That was the best month of your life. The tour was only two weeks. You were fine.

 

Harry: What do you want?

 

Ginny: Pansy’s looking to get into styling as well, but she needs to acquire a client base first. So I was hoping you would let her style you for the ball and you could tell it to the press when they ask?

 

Harry: Ginny, you know I avoid press like the plague at these things. It’s never just one question!

 

Ginny: I know. I know. But I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.

 

Harry: Merlin, that’s so creepy. Even over text I can tell you’re pulling ‘the face.’

 

Ginny: It’s a good face. Serves me well. Come on, Harry, I’ll throw in another broom?

 

Harry: Give it to Ron and we have a deal.

 

Ginny: Ugh, fine.

 

Harry: A pleasure doing business with you.

 

Ginny: She’ll meet you at Hogwarts around 6 to get you ready. Oh and make sure you say ‘I was styled by my friend, Pansy Parkinson.’

 

Harry: Lying wasn’t part of the deal!

 

Ginny: xx

 

\---

**Contact: Neville Pain-in-my-bottom**

 

Neville: Hey, could you try and get through to the Casting Castles’ people? They’ve had me on hold the past two days.

 

Harry: Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that in all my free time today.

 

Neville: Thanks a galleon!

 

\---

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Harry: Hey, I know this is your lunch break but I really need some of your magic. Neville and I have been trying to get a hold of this band Casting Castles that’s supposed to be performing for the ball but they’ve been giving us the runaround. Their twat of a manager just gives one word responses and that’s if he decides to pick up at all.

 

Hermione: Unacceptable. Let’s see him ignore the Ministry Floo, shall we? Have your Spellular close, I’ll conference you in.

 

Harry: You can do that?!?

 

Hermione: Oh, Harry.

 

\---

**Incoming Call: FLOO NETWORK MINISTRY OF MAGIC**

 

Hermione: "Harry?"

 

Harry: "Yeah, I’m here."

 

Hermione: "What’s the name of the manager?"

 

Harry: "Mr. Brewer."

 

Hermione: "Good. Obviously only I can hear you because I’m calling their office’s main floo, so just hold tight."

 

Harry: "Yup, yup, a bunch of things I don’t understand. Hermione’s got it."

 

Mr. Brewer: "If this is about the hotel in Brighton, I already talked to you all once. I don’t know nothing about it."

 

Hermione: "No, Mr. Brewer, I’m Flooing in regard to the Hogwarts Ball your clients are scheduled to play at tomorrow."

 

Mr. Brewer: "Oh that."

 

Hermione: "Yes, that."

 

Mr. Brewer: "Look lady –"

 

Hermione: "Ms. Granger"

 

Mr. Brewer: "Huh?"

 

Hermione: "I said, my name is Ms. Granger. You should check your connection."

 

Mr. Brewer: "Shit, like the famous one."

 

Hermione: "I don’t know many other witches with the last name ‘Ganger’, as I’m sure you’ll find there’s but one Wizard left with the last name ‘Potter.’ But in case you’ve forgotten, he defeated Voldemort. It is him you’ve been dodging the past two days."

 

Mr. Brewer: "M-miss Granger, I had no idea."

 

Hermione: "I’m sure you didn’t. And its Ms. Granger – Ms. I could have sworn I heard ‘Miss’ but perhaps it’s me that needs to check my connection."

 

Harry: "You’re my hero!"

 

Hermione: "Now, back to business. As the event begins at 19:30, we expect the band to arrive at 17:00."

 

Mr. Brewer: "We agreed on 18:00."

 

Hermione: "That was before you demonstrated consistent unreliability and a distinct disregard for our time."

 

Mr. Brewer: "I’ll see what I can –"

 

Hermione: "You are the manager of the band, are you not?"

 

Mr. Brewer: "Yes but – "

 

Hermione: "So manage them. 17:00, don’t be late. And Mr. Brewer, take pride in your occupation. If it is no longer stimulating, find work that is."

 

Mr. Brewer: "I thought it was my dream."

 

Hermione: "I’m hearing past tense."

 

Mr. Brewer: "I just turned forty, it’s too late to start my life over."

 

Hermione: "It is never too late to find your dream, Mr. Brewer, but you have to go looking for it."

 

Mr. Brewer: "Thanks, Ms. Granger"

 

Hermione: "It was nothing. We’ll see you tomorrow at what time?"

 

Mr. Brewer: "17:00!"

 

Hermione: "Cheers, that’s what I like to hear!"

 

\--- 

**Contact: Ron**

 

Harry: You are the luckiest bloke on the planet.

 

Ron: I am? Did I beat George in the pool? The Cannons ACTUALLY beat Puddlemere?

 

Harry: No. Never. I was talking about Hermione.

 

Ron: Oh you don’t have to tell me, mate. Making fun of her that day in Charms was the best thing I’ve ever done. For both of us, I reckon. Imagine where we’d be without her?

 

Harry:  Can’t. We’d be dead.

 

Ron: Right you are, Harry. Right. You. Are!

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: Work has been INSANE today! Distract me from the chaos?

 

Greenviper: I was a Death Eater.

 

Prongs: Ha Ha very funny. Full marks for creativity, though.

 

Greenviper: I’m not joking, Prongs. I’m not proud of it, but it’s true.

 

Prongs: No. I think you have to be joking.

 

Greenviper: I thought it was better if you knew before things went too far.

 

Prongs: Before things go TOO FAR? What the fuck, Hydra? We’ve been talking for months! Where are you? Because, personally, I’m in pretty damn ‘far.’

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Prongs: What about all your intellectual bullshit about being self-aware and seeing things from all sides? Like you have some moral superiority over the rest of us and you just wanted to make yourself feel better! I mean you’re very clever, that part’s not a lie. You really know how to talk around who you really are.  

 

Greenviper: And you wanted to meet in person. What was it you said, ‘It won’t be an issue.’

 

Prongs: Hey. I am not the bad guy here.

 

Greenviper: No. You never are, are you?

 

Prongs: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

 

Greenviper: You talk about ME acting superior?  Why don’t you take a dip in a pensieve.

 

Prongs: You KNOW I’m not pure blood. You’ve known since week one. Why would you even want anything to do with me? Why put me through this?

 

Greenviper: Salazar, the ego. I didn’t orchestrate this plan to torture you! I don’t have those beliefs anymore. I haven’t for a long time, since before the battle. But he wasn’t exactly the kind of wizard you turned your back on, though, was he? We can’t all be as brave as you Gryffindors.

 

Prongs: Pro tip, next time you find yourself trapped in a genocidal hate group…don’t join up in the first place.

 

Greenviper: You know what my family are like. They aren’t the best people, but they always loved me. How was I supposed to know all the things my beloved parents were teaching me was shit?

 

Prongs: Save that bollocks for someone else.  Having a crap childhood does not excuse your behavior.

 

Greenviper: I didn’t say it did.

 

Prongs: You implied it.

 

Greenviper: I regret what I did. I’m a horrible person. I deserved to die in Azkaban, maybe you wish you killed me yourself, I don’t know. Is that what you want to hear? Because I like you! I never put up with these war conversations because they never make anyone feel better but I like you a lot and you needed to know.  

 

Prongs: Do you know how many people I lost in the war?

 

Greenviper: We all lost people in the war, Prongs.

 

Prongs: Yeah, but it wasn’t my side that drew the first wand, was it?

 

Greenviper: I don’t know what you want me to say? He was a horrendous man, if you could even call him a man. He did heinous things.

 

Prongs: I think you meant to say ‘WE did heinous things.’

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Greebviper: Yes.

 

Prongs: Yes?

 

Greenviper: Yes.

 

Prongs: Ok.

 

Greenviper: Where do we stand?

 

Prongs: I don’t know. I need some time.

 

\---

**Group chat: Golden Trio**

 

Harry: Hey, where are you guys?

 

Ron: Shopping for your new bloody couch, you dramatic prat!

 

Harry: Stop that. I’m over it. Hydra’s a Death Eater.

 

Hermione: We’ll be home in five.

* * *

 

THURSDAY 

 

**Group chat: Golden Trio**

 

Harry: Who do you think he is?

 

Ron: He who?

 

Hermione: Hydra, obviously.

 

Ron: WHY? The prat was a Death Eater! For fucks sakes, Harry.

 

Harry: I don’t get the impression he wanted to be.

 

Ron: Bollocks.

 

Hermione: Hush, Ronald. I politely sit across the dinner table from Percy every week and it was he who stood by the ministry while they were stripping muggle-borns of their wands. People change.

 

Ron: Whatever. Do you reckon he’s in our year?

 

Harry: He can’t be any younger than us if he was a Death Eater at the time of the war, can he? And he was pretty familiar with who Hannah Abbott was on my birthday. I assume he’s a gay Slytherin in our year or the year above.

 

Ron: That sure narrows it down… I swear, Slytherin house turns out more poofs than ancient Greece.

 

Hermione: Please don’t use that term. And anyway, I’ve been doing some thinking and I think it’s clear Hydra is Malfoy.

 

Ron: WHAT?! On what planet is that clear?

 

Hermione: He’s a Slytherin, he took the dark mark, he was brainwashed by his family, regrets his actions and, Harry, it was him you said you saw in Godric’s not Pansy.

 

Harry: Excellent hypothesis, Hermione, there’s only one thing wrong with it. Malfoy’s straight.

 

Hermione: Are we sure about that? I always got a vibe.

 

Ron: Malfoy’s straight, trust me, I can always tell.

 

Harry: *Side eye*

 

Ron: It’s true! I called Dean and Seamus second year and I knew about Fred when everyone still thought he was dating Angelina. I even called you, Harry!

 

Harry: Did not.

 

Ron: Did so. I was going to tell you so too when you came out to us but Hermione said it’d be ‘insensitive to your journey’ or some rubbish like that.

 

Hermione: What makes you think Malfoy is straight, Harry?

 

Harry: The last I heard, he was engaged to Greengrass’ sister.

 

Hermione: But that was years ago.

 

Harry: Either way, Hydra isn’t bi. He was pretty adamant about only being attracted to wizards.

 

Ron: We’re all missing the big picture here, yeah. Harry is the Malfoy expert. I’m pretty sure he’d know if he’d been flirting with him since June.

 

Harry: Hey!

 

Hermione: Good point.  Harry, would you mind cross referencing how you flirt with Hydra with how you flirt with Malfoy in your fantasies and see if there’s any overlap?

 

Harry: HERMIONE?!?

 

Ron: LMFAO *slow clap* *THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE*

 

Hermione: Thank you, thank you. First, I’d like to thank boarding school and unresolved sexual tension.

 

Ron: God, I love you.

 

Harry: Moving on… The queer male Slytherins from our year are Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini. Blaise is pretty openly pansexual, though. So that just leaves Nott.

 

Ron: There’s that Tristram Brassinwieght bloke a year above us. I used to catch him with Zabini on patrols all the time.

 

Hermione: Bassenthwaite* and the other two from that year are Vikram Thakur and Timothy Morcott.

 

Harry: Vikram’s in Auror training with me, he wasn’t involved with the Death Eaters at all.

 

Ron: Brilliant! Why don’t you date HIM?

 

Hermione: That narrows it down to four options. That’s not so bad.

 

Harry: It’s not Malfoy!

 

Hermione: If you’re sure. That just leaves, Nott, Bassenthwaite and Morcott.

 

Ron: Didn’t Nott go to Azkaban?

 

Harry: Yes. For a few years. Don’t know what officially for, though.

 

Ron: And he fits, doesn’t he? Pretentious, clever, old wizarding family.  

 

Hermione: At the risk of stating the obvious, this could be dangerous, Harry. Though, true, I believe people can change it would be wise to err on the side of caution moving forward.

 

Harry: If I choose to move forward with him.

 

Ron: Yeah right, mate.    

 

Hermione: Harry.

 

\---

**Call: The Bull**

 

Millicent: "Why are you calling me, Potter? I told you, I wasn’t interested."

 

Harry: "Guh! For the last time, I wasn’t hitting on you."

 

Millicent: "Sure."

 

Harry: "Look, I just called to make sure everything was set on your end for the catering tomorrow."

 

Millicent: "I already did this with, Longbottom. If you just wanted an excuse to call – "

 

Harry: "No, Millicent. Neville just didn’t tell me – "

 

Millicent: "It’s fine, Potter. I’m even flattered, to tell you the truth, but this just isn’t going to happen. Grow some tits and we’ll talk."

 

Harry: "I…It…you *sigh* See you tomorrow."

 

Millicent: "Uh huh."

 

\---

**Contact: Andromeda**

 

Andromeda: Harry, dear, are you busy?

 

Harry: I’m actually pretty swamped with work. Is everything alright with Teddy?

 

Andromeda: Yes, yes, he’s perfectly well but I have a checkup in an hour and I completely forgot it’s a half day at Wiz Kid? Do you think you’d be able to pick him up at noon? If not, I could always cancel my appointment. Of course, who knows what they’ll charge if I do that.

 

Harry: No, it’s fine. I can get him. It’s no problem.

 

Andromeda: Wonderful. See you later, Harry.

 

\---

**Contact: Neville Pain-in-my-bottom**

 

Neville: Don’t forget you have an appointment with McGonagall at 12:30 to go over the agenda. You can’t be late, Harry, you’re already on thin ice with her.

 

Harry: Yup. Got it.

 

Neville: Oh and don’t worry about calling Millicent. I talked to her this morning.

 

Harry: Figured that one out for myself, thanks.

 

Neville: My bad.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Prongs, I think we should talk this out. Put in your ear piece.  

 

Prongs: Work still busy. Can’t deal with this right now.

 

Greenviper: Let me know if that changes.

 

\---

**Groupchat: The Lesbians**

 

Pansy: I’ve pulled three looks for you for the ball tomorrow.  I need you to select one and I’ll take care of the rest.

 

Harry: Could we possibly do this another time?

 

Pansy: Oh, certainly, the ball’s only tomorrow but please take all the time in the world doing whatever it is Potters do.

 

Ginny: What she means is she’s working with top designers and they can’t hold the robes all day.

 

Harry: Fine. Be quick about it.

 

Pansy: I assume money is not a factor.

 

Harry: Don’t go crazy.

 

Pansy: I’m just not going to tell you the price.

 

Harry: Thanks ever so.

 

Pansy: Option one.

         All these pieces are by designers that draw inspiration from popular muggle designers. I know that’s important to you.

 

Harry: I’m not sure about all the grey. It’s very...bright.  

 

Pansy: It will bring out your eyes. You know, those orbs in the middle of your head, saving your face from repugnance.

 

Ginny: Babe, let’s try and remember he’s doing us a favor.

 

Pansy: Fine. Option two.

 

Harry: Oh, those aren’t so bad.

 

Pansy: And my personal favorite…

 

Ginny: Fuck yes!

 

Harry: FUCK NO.

 

Pansy: There are certain few wizards that can pull this off.

 

Harry: Yeah, and I’m not one of them.

 

Pansy: I disagree. It will make that mop you call hair purposefully haphazard and it’s in line with that ruggedly handsome aesthetic you keep failing to achieve.

 

Harry: Option 2.  

 

Ginny: But it’s so sexy!

 

Pansy: Option 2. 

 

\---

**Contact: Minnie**

 

McGonagall: I’ve just found a child’s stuffed Hippogriff in my office. I assume it belongs to you.

 

Harry: Yes, thank you! I’ve been looking all over for it.

 

McGonagall: Feel free to retrieve it at any time.

 

Harry: We’re on our way! You just saved me from dealing with an epic tantrum.

 

McGonagall: In that case, perhaps you could repay me by changing my contact title in your Spellular to something more appropriate. I am your boss not a part of your squad, you’ll do well to remember.

 

Harry: Yes, Ma’am.

 

McGonagall: I always know, Mr. Potter.

* * *

 

FRIDAY 

 

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: Are you going to the Hogwarts reopening ball tonight?

 

Greenviper: Yes. I assume you feel I haven’t a right to attend.

 

Prongs: I wouldn’t assume you know at all what I feel.

 

Greenviper: Ok.

 

Prongs: Did you kill anyone?

 

Greenviper: Salazar. No.

 

Prongs: Tell me the truth.

 

Greenviper: I have no reason to lie to you.

 

Prongs: Do you actually regret it?

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Greenviper: I hate myself for it. I know it’s partially my fault but I meant what I said last week. The war really messed me up too.   

 

Prongs: Alright, then.

 

Greenviper: Alright, then?

 

Prongs: Yeah.

 

Greenviper: What does that mean?

 

Prongs: That I’ll see you tonight.

 

Greenviper: Right, technically you will.

 

\---

**Contact: Neville Pain-in-my-bottom**

 

Neville: How does everything look?

           Did the band get here on time?

           Did you taste the food?

           Is the ceiling too much?

           HARRY

          HARRY HARRY HARRY HARRY

          Answer me!

 

Harry: Everything is fine! Relax and stop stressing. We did good.

 

Neville: Oh god, we’re fired aren’t we?

 

\--- 

**Groupchat: Golden Trio**

 

Hermione: If you keep whipping your head around like that every time someone walks in the door, you’ll break your neck.

 

Ron: Wouldn’t that be a headline: The boy who lived for justice and died for a shag.

 

Harry: Killer of foes, dies a ho.

 

Ron: Our hero vanquished by libido.

 

Hermione: I hate this bit.  

 

\---

 

Ron: Haha I’ve spotted Morcott. He’s a real keeper.

 

Harry: Where?

 

Ron: To your left, by the founders ice sculpture.

 

Harry: Merlin! Very funny, Ron. That can’t be Hydra.

 

Ron: Hahahaha not the poshest lad in the room, is he?

 

Harry: Time has not been kind.

 

Hermione: You two are horrible. Harry, I’ve never known you to be superficial. I’m sure he is perfectly lovely.

               Oh. No, no. I don’t think he’s what we’re looking for.   

 

Harry: I think he just belched in the Minister’s face.

 

Ron: How long you think before Kingsley loses it?

 

Hermione: A foot massage says he doesn’t make it to the next song.

 

Ron: You’re on.

 

Harry: Blow job says he won’t last two.

 

Ron: …

 

Harry: Oh, was that not how we were playing this game…  

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: I have another confession to make… I am Timothy Morcott.

 

Prongs: Sod off.

 

Greenviper: Haha Salazar, could you imagine?

 

Prongs: I’d rather not, if it’s all the same. I prefer my mini appetizers to remain in my stomach.  

 

Greenviper: Tsk tsk. So shallow, Prongs. What would Godric say?

 

Prongs:  And if things were reversed?

 

Greenviper: Oh, I’d drop you like a Snitch on fire. But I’m supposed to be the bastard.

 

\---

**Contact: SheSnake**

 

Harry: If I have to keep talking to these reporters for you, I’m going to need a constant stream of alcohol?

 

Pansy: Oh, it’s not so bad. Woman up and stop being such a Hufflepuff.

 

Harry: Witch Weekly just asked if I was a top or a bottom…

 

Pansy: Vodka or Whiskey?

 

Harry: Yes.

 

Pansy: Got it.

 

\---

**Group chat: Golden Trio**

 

Hermione: So, Bassenthwaite just showed up with his husband.

 

Ron: Either you’re a homewrecker or it’s Nott? Good on you, mate.

 

Harry: I don’t appreciate your tone.

 

Hermione: Ok, I did some snooping. They seem really happy. They’re showing off pictures of their prize-winning Crup.

 

Ron: If that’s happiness, I don’t want it.

 

Hermione: You know who’s here alone, however? Malfoy!

 

Harry: Merlin, not again.

 

Hermione: He’s wearing Lilac.

 

Ron: He’s a fashionable bloke, Hermione. Don’t be so stereotypical.

 

Hermione: Grrrlshfla

 

Ron: Woah.

 

Harry: I’m scared.

 

\---

Hermione:

 

Harry: Hahahhaah If that’s not the pettiest…

 

Ron: Why THE FUCK do you even have his number?

 

Harry: Nope. Take this fight to a private chat.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: I feel like if the universe were kind, it’d insure that our Hogwarts enemies got less attractive as they aged.

 

Greenviper: I don’t know… hate sex wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

 

Prongs: Typing from personal experience?

 

Greenviper: Ha. A wizard can dream.

 

Prongs: Up against the wall.

 

Greenviper: Hurried and rough.

 

Prongs: Desperate… You’re right, it’s a good fantasy.

 

Greenviper: That it is.

 

Prongs: Fuck … I just made eye-contact with him.

 

_Greenviper is typing_

 

Greenviper: That’s what you get for thinking about other men.

 

Prongs: You started it.

 

Greenviper: I think you’ll find I did not.

 

\---

**Contact: Neville Pain-in-my-bottom**

 

Harry: Ok, now I’m worried that I haven’t heard from you. You’re not dead, right?

 

Neville: No. Hannah’s been my eyes and ears since she arrived. She says everything’s perfect. Thanks Harry!

 

Harry: Not a problem.

 

Neville: I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain.

 

Harry: It’s alright. At least you’re nice to look at.

 

Neville: Wanker.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: I’m bored. Would you like to play a game?

 

Prongs: I think so.

 

Greenviper: Would you rather be stuck on a desert island with Morcott for a year or live the rest of your life without magic?

 

Prongs: Yo ho, Yo ho, a Muggle’s life for me.

 

Greenviper: Same.  

 

Prongs: lol Alright, my turn! Truth or dare?

 

Greenviper: Salazar, we have returned to Hogwarts. Truth.

 

Prongs: Who is the fittest bloke at this ball?

 

Greenviper: Other than you?

 

Prongs: Kiss arse.

 

Greenviper: That could be arranged.

 

Prongs: *Blushes* Stop that. Answer the question.

 

Greenviper: Draco Malfoy.

 

Prongs: I know right?!?! It’s distracting. Was he your ‘Hogwarts enemy?’

 

Greenviper: One of them.  

 

\---

**Contact: Papa W**

 

Mr. Weasley: Molly wanted me to tell you that you look very handsome tonight. She also said to get off your Spellular and talk to people.

 

Harry: Tell her I said ‘no.’

 

Mr. Weasley: I will not!

 

Harry: Smart man.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: Bond, Shag, Stun…

 

Prongs: Yes?

 

Greenviper: Patience, I’m thinking.

                 I’ve got it. The Golden Trio: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger.

 

Prongs: Really?!?

 

Greenviper: What’s wrong, Prongs? They’re already a threesome. They were practically made for this game.

 

Prongs: Bond with Hermione, shag Ron, and stun Harry.

 

Greenviper: You would.

 

Prongs: What’s that supposed to mean?

 

Greenviper: Nothing. Don’t you want to hear what I would do?

 

Prongs: Yes, actually!

 

Greenviper: Well any sane person marries, Granger.

 

Prongs: Agreed.

 

Greenviper: And I’d stun the Weasley.

 

Prongs: Ok.

 

Greenviper: And I’d shag the living daylights out of, Potter. But he looks like he’d give a good buggering too though, doesn’t he?

 

Prongs: Yup.

 

\--- 

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Ginny: Harry, why are you blushing?

          Guys, why is he so red?

 

Ron: Talking to Nott, I expect.

 

Ginny: Nott? As in Theo? No, he’s not. Harry’s standing right next to you.

 

Ron: Talking to him on Howlr. Theo is Hydra.

 

Hermione: Supposedly.

 

Ginny: WHAT? Since when?

 

Ron: Just figured it out about an hour ago.

 

Ginny: Why am I so out of the loop? This is just like back in school! With all your bloody secrets. I swear, Hogwarts brings out the worst in you three.

 

Ron: …Uhh, I think you mean the best. We did save the world.

 

Ginny: Did that by yourselves, did you?

 

Hermione: Enough.

 

Harry: Oh good, Gin’s up to speed.

 

Ginny: No thanks to you!

 

Harry: I think I’m going to go talk to Nott in person.

 

Hermione: Be careful!

 

Ginny: WAIT A FUCKING SECOND! NOTT’S A DEATH EATER?!?

 

\---

 

Ginny: Have any of you seen Pansy? She’s been gone for a while?

 

Harry: She went running after Malfoy when he huffed out the room a few minutes ago.

 

Ron: Wow. That’s impressive. You can dance with Nott and keep tabs on Malfoy at the same time.

 

Harry: Ha. Ha.

 

Ginny: I’m more impressed that you can dance and text at the same time!

 

Harry: I set my Spellular to mind message.

 

Hermione: I wonder why Malfoy got sooo upset at the EXACT same time Harry started dancing with Theo?

 

Ron: Let. It. Go.

 

\---

**Contact: Headmistress Madam Minerva McGonagall**

 

McGonagall: That was a lovely event, Potter. Well done.

 

Harry: It was Neville’s event, I just made sure it happened.

 

McGonagall: Well, I appreciate it, all the same.

 

Harry: Anytime.

         Except also…Never again.

 

McGonagall: I think the first TWO weeks of evening patrols will suffice, don’t you?

 

Harry: Yes!

 

McGonagall: After all, I can’t have the students getting away with everything for an entire month. What on earth was I thinking?

 

Harry: I’ve no idea, Headmistress.

 

McGonagall: Hmm… You know, I asked myself the same question when I made Remus Lupin a prefect. It ended disastrously then too.

 

\---

  **Contact: Theo**

 

Theo: I’m not sure what possessed you to come over to me tonight, Harry. I can’t even remember us having one conversation in school. I’m glad you did, though.

 

Harry: Me too!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Syn, my exceedingly brilliant Beta, has said many a time that she hates me for that ending...Sorry!?! Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing! We're having such great conversations, it's a dream come true!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter destroyed me. There is none of me left. Syn Beta'd so hard! SO HARD! I OWE HER A LIFE DEBT! Some scenes had to be rewritten multiple times. I had a bit of a breakdown where I forgot words and I cried in my car to "being alive" from company because I think it is basically Harry's anthem in this fic! Anyoo, I hope you enjoy the product of my blood, sweat and tears! Comments and love are always appreciated.

SATURDAY 

 

**Contact: Theo**

 

Theo: You and I made the prophet, Potter.

 

Harry: Did we? I stopped reading it ages ago. I’m sorry, I should have warned you.

 

Theo: Don’t be sorry! I have a new business deal in the works, this will do wonders for my reputation.  

 

Harry: Auspicious timing then.

 

Theo: Suppose it is, yeah. Can’t live on Granddad’s galleons forever, can I? Then again, here I am chatting up the air to Sleekeazy’s. What do you think, would I make a good trophy husband?

 

Harry: Just in it for the money, are you?

 

Theo: No. Haven’t you been reading, Hero Boy? I’m also in it for the free press.

 

Harry: It scares me that I don’t know if you’re taking the piss or not.

 

Theo: You ought to be scared. Care to take the gamble, eh Potter?   

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs:  I lost track of you there at the end of the ball.

 

Greenviper: I was busy. I couldn’t very well spend the whole evening on my Spellular, it’d be a social travesty. In any case, despite what delusions you’ve brewed in that knut-sized brain of yours, you are not the only person to occupy my attention.

 

Prongs: Oh, I see.

 

Greenviper: Good. I’m glad that’s cleared up.

 

Prongs: Are we fighting? When did we start fighting?

 

\--- 

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Harry: How’s the thawing going, Nev?

 

Neville: Just the toes left now.

 

Harry: Ace! I’ve just put some soup on, want me to bring you some?

 

Neville: Don’t know, might make Hannah jealous.

 

Harry: Blimey, IT WAS ONE TIME!

 

Neville: I keep telling her.

 

Harry: :)

 

\---

 

Neville: You are bringing the soup, yeah?

 

Harry: Haha It’ll be done in 10.

 

Neville: Cheers.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Greenviper: So when do I get to see you again?

                  Shit. Sorry, wrong person.

 

Prongs: WOW. You’re not even going to try to cover it up?  

 

Greenviper: Why should I? We haven’t made any promises to each other. This was an uncomfortable error on my part, however, I apologize.

 

Prongs: Just yesterday you were going on about how much you fancied me. Mind telling me what happened between now and then to make you act like a total prat!

 

Greenviper: This might have escaped you in your 20(some) years of life, but people are capable of fancying more than one person at a time.  

 

Prongs: Sure. Fine. Whatever you say. You’ll just have to forgive me, I thought we were passed that.

 

Greenviper: What gave you that idea? Because we chat on this app? Can you honestly tell me you haven’t pulled anyone else since we started talking?

 

Prongs: YES! And until a few minutes ago, I was sure you hadn’t either.

 

Greenviper: You’re an idiot.

 

Prongs: Clearly. I can’t even talk to you right now.

 

Greenviper: I was headed out anyway.

 

Prongs: Prick.

 

Greenviper: Mature as ever.   

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Harry: Pub. Now.

 

Ginny: Manners. Please.

 

Harry: I’m buying. I’m in a piss mood but I don’t wanna talk about it. Do you accept these terms?

 

Ginny: Sure. I was meant to be getting drinks with George, anyway. I’ve told him he can come along and that you’ll be paying his tab as well.

 

Harry: How thoughtful of you.

 

Ginny: Isn’t it just.

 

* * *

 

SUNDAY 

 

**Contact: Theo**

 

Theo: So, when are you going to ask me out?

 

Harry: Oh, I get it now!

         This is so fucked up.

 

Theo: What?

 

Harry: Oh. Sorry. Nvm.

 

Theo: OK…

 

\---

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Harry: I think Hydra is cheating on me with me.

 

Ron: Come again?

 

Ginny: Too early!

 

Harry: I pulled Theo (who is Hydra) at the ball. But Theo/Hydra doesn’t know I’m Prongs/Harry so now Theo feels guilty for liking the Harry he danced with and as a result Hydra is taking it out on Prongs. OR Hydra is using Harry to make Prongs jealous. Wouldn’t that be a mess?

 

Ron: My head hurts.

 

Hermione: Or Hydra is not Theo at all and he saw you dancing with Theo at the ball and is pissed because he thinks YOU’RE cheating on him.

 

Harry: Hydra doesn’t know who I am, Hermione.

 

Hermione: Frankly, I’m not convinced you’ve done a spectacular job of concealing your identity.

 

Harry: If he knew, he would have said something at the ball.

 

Hermione: You didn’t say anything either! Anyway, Draco might be hurt even if he didn’t know it was you, Harry. He was staring at you the whole night. I was watching.

 

Ron: Bloody hell, not this again. So he was staring at Harry, what’s else is new? He was probably plotting something. Hermione, YOU were clearly staring at Malfoy! Are you telling me you fancy the ferret?

 

Ginny: You know what would solve everything, if Harry/Prongs told Hydra who the fuck he was!

 

Hermione: Good point, Gin.

 

Ginny: Revolutionary, I know. Where do I come up with this stuff.

 

Harry: …Well I kind of wanted the reveal to be in person.

 

Ginny: BLEH!

 

Ron: Ask him out then.

 

Harry: But he’s being such a prat right now!

 

Hermione: Harry, just do it.

 

Ron: It’s time, mate.

 

Ginny: It’s LONG been time. Bloody Hell!

 

Harry: Go back to sleep.

 

Ginny: Can’t. I’m up now. Come make me breakfast.

 

Harry: No.

 

Ginny: YES.

 

Harry: Fine.

 

Ron: Hey, have her come here. You can make us all breakfast!

 

Hermione: We have brunch at the Burrow.

 

Ron: Right, I’ve been blocking it out.

 

Ginny: Oi, why wasn’t I invited?

 

Harry: Nobody else was… you know what that means.

 

Ginny: Be sure to let us know how soon she brings out the wedding album.

 

\---

 

Ron: Clock it at 7 minutes.

 

Ginny: LMFAO

 

Hermione: Note that she’s also found at least five creative ways to insert the word ‘bond’ into conversation.

 

Harry: Course she has.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: I don’t want us seeing other people.

 

Greenviper: And I don’t want wizard’s wearing shorts under robes but one weird sister does it and now - here we are.

 

Prongs: Ok, whatever that just was… Look, I know it’s weird to ask to be exclusive when we haven’t been on a proper date yet so I think we should go on one. We just need to try this and if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work but I’m confident that it will. I want it to.

 

Greenviper: Are you aware of the lack of punctuation in that message? Shall I bring Collins along on our date?

 

Prongs: Who is Collins? And, more importantly, does that mean you’re saying ‘yes?’

 

Greenviper: Collins is a very famous English dictionary, Prongs. The two of you would get on appallingly, no matter how much one of you would benefit from the introduction.

 

Prongs: Hydra…

 

Greenviper: Let’s get this over with sooner rather than later, I think. What are your plans for tomorrow evening?

 

Prongs: Dinner with you, I suppose. This is exciting! I feel like you should be more excited.

 

Greenviper: I’ll meet you at the bar of a restaurant called “The Sinclair,” on Pollen st, Mayfair. How does 18:30 sound? I know it may seem early but it is a Monday evening, after all.  

 

Prongs: 18:30 sounds perfect!

 

Greenviper: Wonderful. I’ll see you then.

 

Prongs: I get you’re mad at me for reasons you’ve still yet to inform me of, but come on, Hydra, I know you must be a little thrilled at the idea of meeting me.

 

Greenviper: I’ll be ‘thrilled’ if this works. Until then, you’ll not find me counting any dragon eggs.

 

Prongs: Ye of so little faith, Vipesie!

 

Greenviper: Never. Again.

 

Prongs: Won’t get the chance to because I’ll find out your real name...when we meet. TOMORROW!

 

Greenviper: Small mercies.

 

Prongs: I refuse to let your sour mood ruin this.

 

Greenviper: Oh, almost forgot, do us both a favor and wear something presentable. It’d be dreadfully anticlimactic if you turned up looking like a troll.

 

\---

**Contact: SheSnake**

 

Harry: I’m at your flat, where are you? I need your help!

 

Pansy: What could the invincible Harry Potter possibly need from me?

 

Harry: Clothes!

 

Pansy: Well, I’m at Draco’s so you’ll have to wait.  

 

Harry: Please Parkinson, I need them for tomorrow!

 

Pansy: In one of our brief and unfortunate times together, did I mistakenly give you the impression that I cared?

 

Harry: “I was styled again by my close and generous friend, Pansy Parkinson.”

 

Pansy: Oooh, Potter learned to play. What’s this for?

 

Harry: A date.

 

Pansy: With who?

 

Harry: Hydra, the Howlr bloke! We’re going to a muggle restaurant.

 

Pansy: I’ll send over some look options in a bit.

 

Harry: Thank you!

 

\---

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Harry: He said yes.

 

Ginny: When’s the wedding?

 

Harry: Ha Ha

 

Hermione: No more about weddings!!!

 

Ron: When’s the big date?

 

Harry: Tomorrow night.

 

Hermione: That’s fast.

 

Ron: You need Hermione and I to stay at our old place?

 

Hermione: That’s really fast!

 

Ron: I don’t reckon so. It’s different when it’s two blokes, Hermione.

 

Hermione: Since when are you the expert on gay relationships, Ronald Weasley. Is there something you’d like to share?

 

Ginny: *Clears throat* ‘Viktor, I love you. Viktor, I do. When we’re apart my heart beats only for you!’

 

Harry: HAHAHAHA

 

Ron: Sod off!

 

\---

**Contact: SheSnake**

 

Pansy: You don’t get options. This is what you’re wearing.

 

Harry: Oh ok, I like it.

 

Pansy: Obviously. And don’t shave, you look good with a bit of stubble.

 

Harry: Did YOU just say I looked good?

 

Pansy: Every Crup has its day, Potter.

 

* * *

 

MONDAY 

 

 **Contact:** **Headmistress Madam Minerva McGonagall**

 

Harry: Hello

 

McGonagall: What is it, Potter?

 

Harry: I was wondering if I could ask you for some advice?

 

McGonagall: I’m sure you have no short of confidences. My advice would be too seek out one of them. Ms. Granger in particular.

 

Harry: It’s the sort of advice I might’ve asked my parents or Sirius.

 

McGonagall: Oh, very well, go on.

 

Harry: I’m supposed to have a date tonight but it’s with a person that’s all wrong for me. I’ve been talking to him for a while now but we’re complete opposites. We haven’t even been on a proper date yet and we already fight all the time.

 

McGonagall: When I was a girl, I too fell for a man that seemed wrong for all the logical reasons and, for that matter, so did your mother around the same age. She chose her heart and, though unfairly short, I believe those years with your father and later you were the best of her life. While I am not one for regrets, I have plagued myself with decades of wondering. You do not want to wonder.

 

Harry: What if I cock it all up? Or say something stupid?

 

McGonagall: Something like sending the phrase “cock it all up” in a message sent to the witch that employs you to teach children.

 

Harry: Exactly! And sorry.

 

McGonagall: You are lucky in that often when you make mistakes, they work out for you in the end. In any case, if this man faults you on one mishap then he is probably not worth the trouble in the first place.

 

                    A bit of Ogden’s just before you leave does the trick, as well.

 

Harry: Headmistress!

 

McGonagall: Relax Potter, have a biscuit.

 

\---

 

      When he was one he saved world, at fourteen he battled a dragon and at twenty two Harry Potter was about to denounce Godric and run away from his problems. He could buy a Crup and commit to a life of abstinence. He could live vicariously through characters in books, where each complication had a desired degree of separation from his own life. He could even convince himself that that wasn’t as pathetic as it sounded in his head, what he couldn’t do, however, was live with not knowing. The past couple months, Theo had given Harry a glimpse of what his life could be; to have a partner to joke, fight and grow with and all Harry had ever wanted was a family. So, as barmy as it was, he stood outside The Sinclair, doubt turning to sweat at his temples, and confident in nothing but the fit of his jacket.    

 

      He found that what Pansy Parkinson lacked in kindness and generosity, she made up for in results and adeptness with hair-care potions. By the time Harry was ready to leave for his date, his hair, defying all logic and past performance, managed to hold some shape and the jacket she selected was currently giving his firebolt a run for its money for his most prized possession. It was made with the softest lining Harry had ever felt and he had to keep cautioning himself not to ask Pansy for the price of his comfort.

 

        Unfortunately, not even his blossoming love affair with a piece of clothing could assuage the nervous anxiety radiating through his body. He’d verified that he was apparating to the right location about three times and checked to make sure he was still breathing another four. Of course, he’d already began a human to human communication with Nott, but what if he was pissed off Harry hadn’t told him who he was at the ball. What if his ignorance embarrassed him and he lashed out, thus ruining what could have otherwise been an incredible evening? And above all else, what if it turned out that they didn’t even work well together. Perhaps their banter wouldn’t transfer over to reality or he was still involved with the Death Eaters and this had all been an elaborate plot to kill Harry… _again_.

 

\---

**Groupchat: Fab Four**

 

Harry: I don’t think I can do this!

 

Ginny: Says the man, literally destined to do what no other could before him.

 

Harry: Well I wasn’t destined to date, Gin. You of all people should know that.

 

Ginny: You’re not so bad on a date, Harry. I mean that. You’re funny and cute when you’re nervous. Just don’t do that thing you do with your ice.

 

Ron: Oh yeah, best stay away from the stuff all together, mate.

 

Harry: Aw man, the ice is my favorite part.

 

Hermione: We know!!!

 

Ginny: Someone has to love you before they put up with you doing that over dinner.

 

Harry: Harsh.

 

Ron: True.

 

Hermione: You’ll do great, Harry. Remember, he already knows you. This is just another adventure you all are going on together.

 

Harry: Right, yeah, I think I can do this.

         I’ve been on dates before.

         No big.

        What have I ever done on a date ever before? This sucks, why do people do it?

        Nvm, it’s in the bag.

        I might implode a little bit.

        Who needs internal organs?

        Not this guy!

        Jkjk

       I’m k.

       I GOT THIS!

 

Ron: Yeah, you do!

 

Ginny: Off with you!

 

Hermione: Say hi to Malfoy for me.

 

\---

        Harry rolled his eyes at Hermione’s last message and made his way into the restaurant, heart beating rapidly against his chest. Breathe, he coached himself, the walk to the hostess stand feeling comically reminiscent to the one he took to his death.

        At least the restaurant turned out to be a great choice. It was a bit _hip_ for Harry’s taste, with its bluesy music and multicolored lights lining the walls but it had a young crowd and a relaxed environment.  It wasn’t formal to the point of Harry feeling out of place or casual enough that Nott would. That realization made the nervous lump in his throat dissipate, Hermione was right, as always, Theo _did_ know him and the careful thought put into the location was a testament to that.

       

         “I’m meeting someone at the bar,” Harry told the dark haired woman standing at the hostess stand. She gave him a quick, approving, once-over and pointed him in the direction of the bar located against the back wall.

 

        The first thing Harry saw when he sat down was a styled head of distinct, white-blonde hair. He cursed under his breath, his nerves were already shot, a Malfoy encounter was the last thing he needed, though it would be a good story to tell Hermione. It also didn’t help that Malfoy looked fit to feast on, with his fitted grey waistcoat, pointed features and, bloody hell, the way his fingers wrapped around his glass – Oh no. Nope. It would not do for Nott to show up and see Harry arse over tit for bloody Malfoy.  

 

        “Malfoy,” Harry began, determined not to look at him any longer. “I don’t mean to be rude but could you move down a seat, I’m meeting someone.”

 

       It took so long for the other man to respond that Harry broke his rule and turned toward him. Malfoy had two fingers pressed to his right temple to show Harry just how inconvenienced he was by his presence.

 

       “You can’t be serious?” Malfoy deadpanned. “How is it possible you’re this thick?” He sucked in a long, exaggerated breath, staring at Harry like he’d just asked him for directions to the Yule Ball. For Harry’s part, Malfoy could give him any face he desired so long as he moved down a seat and promised to do his very best to not be so damn attractive. “You mind if I order us drinks while you work this out in that remarkably dense head of yours?”

 

       It hit Harry then, like a full speed bludger to the head; the tone, the slight on Harry’s intelligence… It wasn’t supposed to be – couldn’t be – but, Merlin, how could it not be? The clipped drawl he heard in his head when he read Hydra’s messages, it was always right there in fucking front of him. Draco Malfoy. Draco Bloody Fucking Ferret Malfoy.

 

       The bartender placed what looked like a couple fingers of muggle whisky in front of Harry and another cocktail in front of Malfoy. Harry gave an imperceptible shake of his head, realizing too late that he’d  been staring at the impatient wizard sat next to him the whole time.

 

      “Fucking hell, Hermione’ s going to be impossible,” was all Harry managed to say. He knew other words existed in the English language, was even aware enough to realize those words sometimes came together to form a sentence, but at that moment his mind was far too busy flipping between late night chats with Hydra and corridor duels with Malfoy to even attempt such communication.

 

       “Of course Granger solved it,” Malfoy said, as if Hermione were a student to which he was about to bestow house points.  “And let me guess, you and Weasel talked her out of it?” He sipped his drink, blonde eyebrow raised in anticipation of Harry’s confirmation.

 

       “We never managed to, actually,’ Harry said, absently, mind reeling at what felt like an impossibility. No, what _had_ to be an impossibility. Malfoy was the unfortunately attractive bloke you wanked over, then hoped to never think of again. He was the pitiable arsehole you couldn’t help but save. He was the reformed childhood bully you made strained small talk with when there was no polite escape. He was certainly not the wizard that made your chest swell at every message, the man that gave you hope for a future previously perceived as improbable; he wasn’t Hydra.

 

     Harry’s chest and head felt like they were battling to see which one could cause him the most pain and they were both winning.

 

     “Well, it’s good to know someone can pick up my hints,” Malfoy continued on, “I was beginning to think I was the problem. Can you imagine?”

 

      “Stop that,” Harry burst, then remembered himself. Malfoy removed the canary grin from his face and traded it in for a more guarded expression. Harry watched the fingers of his left hand curl into a tense fist.

 

     “Sorry,” Harry stammered,  “you just sound so much like how he writes.”

       

    “Me?” Malfoy gesticulated with a flourish. “Are you put out, Potter, because I sound like…myself?” Harry felt an amused smile quirk at his lips before he could stop himself.

 

    “Wait,” Harry said, throwing his hand out into the space between him and Malfoy as if the action would stop the other man from speaking. “I just need some time to think.” Of course, no such silencing gesture existed where Malfoy was concerned. If it had, Harry would have used it somewhere between, ‘My father told me all Weasleys’ and ‘I’ve got to do it.’

 

    “In that case shall I tell them to push our dinner reservation back an hour… a month perchance?”

 

    “How long have you known?” Harry asked, suddenly outraged that Malfoy wasn’t nearly as thrown by this as he was. Harry yanked his glasses off and ran a frustrated palm across his face. How long had he known? An image of Malfoy laughing maniacally over Harry’s ignorance was running a constant loop in his head.

 

    “I forced Pansy to confirm it when she and the Weaselette found your profile, but I’ve known since you sent me the books.”

 

    “How?” Harry met his gaze, though Malfoy’s eyes seemed to be off somewhere else entirely. Harry didn’t mind, it wasn’t the other man’s face that was forbidden, it was the intensity of his stare. In fact, studying Malfoy from a distance felt alarmingly familiar to Harry. Like returning to Hogwarts after a Dursley summer or getting back on a broom at the end of a long winter.

 

    “Your handwriting,” Malfoy said simply. Harry waited for him to go on. “There were notes in the margins of the books, remember?” Malfoy met his eyes then and, though Harry was wholly unprepared for fierce grey being thrust upon him, he did not move. “You wrote a letter to the Wizengamot,” he went on, “a plea to clear Mother and myself of our crimes in the war. You must have known they wouldn’t refuse you…” He petered off and Harry waited. There was a living silence between them in the busy restaurant, almost as if, if Harry dared to breathe too loudly, he’d never get the chance to hear what Malfoy said next.

 

    “I stole a copy from my file. I’d recognize the writing anywhere.”     

 

    There was a pink tint blooming on Malfoy’s cheeks and Harry was at a loss of what to do with it. What was he supposed to say to that – to all of _that_? To the confession, to the uncharacteristic sincerity, to the traces of longing Harry wished didn’t feel so relatable. Harry motioned for the bartender, silently ordering them another set of drinks. Neither of them dared speak until they arrived.

 

    “You should have told me sooner,” Harry said, wincing at how accusatory the words sounded in his voice.

 

    “Yes, that is what a Gryffindor would do.”

 

    “That’s what a _decent_ person does, Malfoy.”

 

    He huffed, staring Harry down with the force of a curse. His nostrils flared and mouth sneered in a manner far too reminiscent of the boy Harry had known in Hogwarts. He sat up a little taller on his bar stool.

 

    “Tell me, Potter,’ Malfoy inquired, “would you have continued our correspondence if I had told you who I was then?” The hard line that made up Malfoy’s jaw quivered at the end of the question.

 

    “Of course not!” Harry’s voice was firm and unwavering. Malfoy recoiled as if stung. Harry didn’t see what on earth he had to be upset about. He was the one who had lied!

 

    “So you regret getting to know Hydra, then?” Malfoy pushed, looking, for lack of a better word, terrified of the answer.

 

    Harry sighed, feeling like the universe had conspired against him. Why wasn’t he permitted anything simple? There truly was no joy without stipulations for him. He was pissed at Malfoy but he didn’t want to hurt him. He wanted Malfoy, but he hated the idea of wanting him. Fuck, he needed more alcohol!

   

    “I didn’t say I regretted it,” Harry began, “but that’s beside the point,” he let more whisky blaze a path down his throat, “because you’re not really _him_!” For reasons unknown to Harry, that seemed to cheer Malfoy. He made a performance out of crossing one long leg over the other.

 

    “I think you’ll find that’s exactly who I am.” He began ticking things off on his fingers. “I’m the man you flirted with, you joked with, you shared anecdotes about your godson with; the one who told you about the tooth fairy and who fucked you over – “

 

    “Malfoy!” Harry anxiously looked over his shoulder to see if anyone had heard. He could feel his cheeks flaming and he wished to Merlin they would stop. He also wished he could stop thinking about that night Malfoy was referencing and all the other great nights he’d spent chatting with Hydra.

 

    “What would you have me do, Malfoy?” Harry asked, half wanting the answer. “Obliviate myself? Forget about all the years you spent walking around like the biggest twat in recorded history.” A muscle in Malfoy’s jaw twitched and Harry knew from many a spar with the other man that that was never a good sign. It was odd though, nostalgia caressed Harry’s temper, giving him the impulse to push his school rival further still.

 

    “You mean like you did with, Nott?” Malfoy sneered.

 

    “What?” Harry was thrown off by the mention of the other Slytherin, in large part due to the fact that he’d hardly given him a second thought since he saw Malfoy sitting at the bar.

 

    “The man was in Azkaban for _torturing_ first years and then you’re off dancing with him like he’s as pure as puff.” Malfoy all but shouted.

 

    “Oh,” Harry said, combing his hand through his hair a bit madly now. “Well… well, that‘s the first I’ve heard of that.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t know why Nott went to Azkaban.”  Malfoy looked murderous. Harry could hear the long labored breaths he was taking to calm himself down.  

 

    “While your abysmal work ethic and utter paucity of self-preservation skills are unsurprising, I would have thought that the fucking vanquisher of the Dark Lord would have done a bit more research in this particular instance.” Malfoy had a crazed look in his eyes. “I’m surprised Granger let you leave the house.”

 

    “She knew it was you remember!” Harry spat back. Malfoy gave him a lip-curling, scornful smile.

 

     “And you didn’t?” Draco questioned. Harry reared back, breathe caught at his chest.

  

    “I-I’ve already told you I didn’t.” The Slytherin’s smile widened.  

 

    “Potter, you’re dense but you’re not an imbecile.”  

 

    “Piss off,” Harry said, a sudden rage overcoming him.

 

    “We made eye-contact at the ball,” Malfoy pressed. “You knew it was me.”

 

    “No.” He was sure of that. He was. And he sounded it too, when he said it to Malfoy. But just so he’d really absorb the message, Harry said it again. “No! I’m sorry Malfoy but you’re mad if you think that. I didn’t.”

 

    “You’d be a pathetic excuse for a Slytherin, just so you’re aware. ” He had a smug look on his face and Harry wished he could spell it off. “You have lie written all over you.” He leaned close to Harry. So close Harry could feel the warmth of his breath, smell the vodka on it. Grey eyes bore into Green. “Did you think Hydra was Nott, or did you want him to be?”

 

    The question hit Harry like Petrificus Totalus, leaving him frozen and speechless under Malfoy’s gaze, though it felt like he had a thousand things to say. A million counter arguments must have been at the tip of his tongue and an infinite amount of objections were surely about to erupt from within him at any second. At any minute. Any five. Merlin, how long had he been silent?

 

    He didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything at the moment, thank the heavens for his elevated pulse, because despite the artery’s immense pain at present, it gave Harry the knowledge that his heart must still be beating.

 

    “No,” Harry said, stammering so much this time he scarcely convinced himself. But what Malfoy was saying was ridiculous. It could not be true. Harry didn’t know who Hydra was? He had wanted to know so badly at every step, didn’t he? It had kept him up at night. But then again, Harry spoke Parseltongue without realizing it wasn’t English. He’d spent years letting certain images of blonde pop up in his dreams and had managed to convince himself he was straight.

 

    Malfoy waited, rooted in his spot, far too close to Harry and looking confident beyond any reasonable doubt that he was right. Was he right? Who had Harry pictured during those late night phone calls, whose voice had he been expecting to hear? When Hydra swore to Harry that he had changed, why was the mere thought of Malfoy enough to understand and believe him.

 

    “I,” Harry said softly, not knowing what would come next. “I didn’t… I don’t know, maybe I did.” He tried to blink away his confusion. Malfoy looked like he’d used up his last ounce of patience hours ago and he was now running on reserves. “Maybe I wanted to...” Harry looked at his, _damn him_ , beautiful face. “It was easy to put Hydra’s personality on Nott, on anyone else, because he was a clean slate, so to speak. He and I don’t have the same messy history you and I do. I mean, when I look at Nott, it’s convenient to see him as Hydra. When I look at you, I just see –   _you._ ” Harry didn’t mean it to come out like that. As if  the idea of Malfoy repulsed him to his very core but it sounded it anyway and he didn’t know how to take back the intention of words that he meant.

 

    All the blood drained from Malfoy’s face, making him look paler than usual. The expected Malfoy mask of indifference was gone completely so Harry was just left with what looked like a wounded young boy.  

 

    “Fuck you, Potter!” He stood up, straightening his slacks in the process. This struck Harry as very odd. Why Malfoy cared if his pants wrinkled at a time like this, was absolutely lost him. It was almost funny and when combined with the absurdity of the evening, Harry was left with the inapropriate task of stamping down a laugh.

 

    “Stop,” Harry said, desperate to get that look off Malfoy’s face. “I’m doing a piss poor job of explaining.”

 

     “No,” he said, “on the contrary, I think that was rather decisive, Potter”

 

    “Mr. Malfoy your table is ready,” the cheery hostess informed them. She seemed to realize she’d walked in on something and suddenly looked like she wanted to bolt on the spot.

 

    “I don’t think we’ll be needing the reservation,” Malfoy said to her, cold and detached. Harry’s stomach plummeted. This was it? After all this bloody time, it was over. Just like like that. “My sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.“

 

    A swirl of facts and feelings warred inside Harry, each demanding to be heard but he didn’t have time for that because Malfoy was going to leave and if he left that was it? If Malfoy walked out that door, there was no salvaging this. There was no Hydra or companionship or any of it. The thought seemed almost too much to bare.

 

    “Wait,” Harry said before he knew what his mouth was doing. “Do you think we could have a bit more time at the bar?” he asked the hostess. She looked between the two of them, a cautious smile on her face.

 

    “Of course. Mr. Malfoy reserved the table for the whole evening, so take as much time as you need.” She gave Malfoy another tentative look then practically ran from their presence.

 

    “I think she likes us,” Harry said, hoping to ease the tension.

 

    “What are you doing, Potter,” Malfoy said with bite. He hadn’t sat back down. “You’ve made it perfectly clear this isn’t going anywhere. I scarcely see the point in wasting anymore of our time.” He pulled out his wallet and smoothly placed a hundred pound note on the bar between them.

 

    In a rational world, Harry would have watched him walk away. He would drink himself under the table on Malfoy’s tab then return home to a chorus of ‘I told you so’s’ from Hermione. But nothing in Harry’s life was ever perfect, and the idea of letting Malfoy leave already seemed full of regret. After all, he’d spent six years staring at the bloke and the past three months falling for him.   

 

    “Please stop,” Harry said, exhausted. Malfoy did, if only in challenge. “I don’t want to fight, alright? I just…” What did he want to do?

 

    “You just – “Malfoy repeated impatiently, “want to hex my bollocks off? Want to be friends?”

 

    “I _want_ you to shut up!”

 

    Malfoy’s eyebrows shot up to the top of his forehead with disapproval but he didn’t say another word.  

 

     “I just want some fucking time,” Harry said desperately. “You’ve had months to process this. I’m asking for more than half an hour.”

 

    Malfoy sat back down on his stool stiffly, a hint of a smile a the corner of his month and a glint of hope in his eye. Despite it all, it made Harry’s heart do a little jump to see it.

 

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: Hey

 

Greenviper: What the hell are you doing, Potter?

 

Prongs: Processing.

 

Greenviper: This is ridiculous. I’m sitting right next to you. Talk to me.

       

Prongs: When we talk, we fight. Besides, this is already helping.

 

Greenviper: You’re aware it’s considered rude to have your phone out on a date.

 

Prongs: No, must have missed that class. You think my date will hold it against me?

 

Greenviper: Too soon to tell.

 

Prongs: Ooh, this is fun. You smile when you think you’ve written something clever.

 

Greenviper: I do not.

 

Prongs: Don’t be cross. It’s cute.

 

Greenviper: You’re an idiot.

 

Prongs: So you’ve said.

 

Greenviper: Stop ogling me, you fool.

 

Prongs: You have a nice face, Malfoy.

 

Greenviper: Don’t pretend this is the first time you’ve noticed.

 

Prongs: Merlin, I just realized what a prat you were at the ball.

 

Greenviper: I don’t recall.

 

Prongs: 

 

Greenviper: Is this your subtle way of asking me to kiss your arse, Potter? A public rimming is a bit kinkier than I had in mind for a first date. But who am I to refuse the Chosen One?

            My my, that is an impressive shade of red.

            Where are you going?

 

Prongs: I’m game. Meet me in men’s washroom in 5.

 

Greenviper: You’re joking, yes?!      

                    Potter, get back here!

 

Prongs: You already paid the bar tab.

 

Greenviper: If you think for a second that I’m following you into the Muggle toilets, you are more deluded than Cuthbert Binns.

 

Prongs: Hahahahaha you should see the look on your face! Quick question, would it have made a difference if it was a wizarding toilet?

 

Greenviper: Where are you? Get back here so I can hit you.

 

Prongs: I’m in line for the loo. I actually had to go.

 

Greenviper: Charming.

 

Prongs: Well-timed bodily functions? Aren’t they just.

 

Greenviper: The Hostess is back, I’m letting her take me to our table. It’s in the corner by the window. If you’d like to escape, this would be the time to do it.

 

Prongs: The things we talked about on Howlr… is that really you or were you just saying things you thought I wanted to hear?

 

Greenviper: I’ve been more honest with you on this app than I’ve been with myself my entire life.

 

Prongs: Except, you know, your identity.

 

Greenviper: Potter.

 

Prongs: Did you come looking for me the week my depression was ... you know?

 

Greenviper: Yes.

 

Prongs: I’ll be right out.

 

Greenviper: I’m turning my Spellular off. If you would like to talk to me, you can put on your Gryffindor pants and do it properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worst!!! but don't throw things at me, this cliffy was ALL Syn-the-beta. I was going to write more but she said this was a better place to end the chapter. How's the view, Syn, from under that bus? 
> 
> In other news, I'm looking for cover art for this fic. I have none of the necessary skills, so if you're interested in helping me out hit me up on Tumblr (http://partialtopotter.tumblr.com/). If you're not interested and just want to talk to me also hit me up on tumblr, I'm always in search of more HP friends!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update! I know some of you saw my message on Tumblr but if you didn't, I'm an actor and recently had a show open so that was the cause of my brief hiatus. I'm back now and so ready to share this chapter with you (especially since my poor ass has to finish this fic before I don't have internet....)! Thank you for your continued love and support, I really really appreciate it!
> 
> Syn, you are my light, my gift, my beta and I adore you!

MONDAY

 

**Group Chat: Golden Trio**

 

Harry: Can’t chat long but 500 points to Hermione!

 

Ron: Fuck off! No way.

 

Harry: Yup.

 

Ron: Oh no, mate. Hey, there’ll  be other wizards. If you can get on this well with Malfoy, imagine what it’ll be like flirting with someone you can actually stand!

 

Hermione: Shall I see if Florean will stay open late tonight? He’s always had a soft spot for you.

 

Harry: Actually, I think I’m going to stay.

 

Hermione: On the date. With Draco Malfoy?

 

Harry: Yes.

 

Ron: Are you fucking MENTAL?

 

Harry: I’ve got to go, I told him I was in the loo. I just wanted to keep you updated. We can talk about this when I get home.

 

Ron: THAT BEST BE TONIGHT!

        Seriously, I’m waiting up. Don’t make me come find you!

\---

    Harry, feeling rather brave for staying on his date with his childhood foe, was suddenly struck with the realization that he was going to have to be an active participant on this date with the aforementioned childhood foe. What on earth were they going to talk about? ‘Hey, still got those scars from when I almost killed you in a bathroom?’ ‘That’s right, my nose never did heal properly after you stepped directly onto my face, thanks for noticing.’

 

    Malfoy was sitting in a secluded little corner of the restaurant, anxiously checking his Spellular every couple seconds. And he said he was turning it off. Harry had to admit ,though, he looked fantastic tonight, panic-stricken expression and all.

 

    Malfoy stood, eyes wide and hopeful as Harry reached their table.

 

     Harry, nervous, shot out his right hand for Malfoy to shake. The other wizard just stared at the appendage. Much too long if you were to ask Harry. He already felt ridiculous enough, did Malfoy have to rub it in? Resigned to the taunting of his life, Harry made to lower his hand before Malfoy took hold of it at the last second.

     

     “Trying to rewrite the past, Potter?” Malfoy said, a slight waver in his voice. _Rewrite the past_ , Harry reiterated in his head, feeling the handshake had gone far past the length of what would be considered normal. His palms were going to get clammy, mocking would ensue and –

 

      Harry was struck with the image of a smaller and, believe it or not, poncier first year Malfoy offering Harry his hand.

 

      “Oh,” Harry said, taking back his hand and running it immediately through his hair. “I mean –  I wasn’t thinking about … When I – Hiya, sitting looks fun. Let’s do that.”

 

       They sat in their respective seats, alternating between making darting eye-contact with each other and feigning interest in the other couples around them. Harry’s saving grace was the fact that this would make a wonderful story to tell Teddy one day when he had a first crush. ‘It was the most awkward date of my life,’ he’d tell the boy. ‘I liked the way his lips formed words,’ he might keep to himself.

 

      Harry was so relieved when the waiter arrived with the glasses of water that he considered begging him to stay but, thankfully, that remained a private request.

 

      “So, your godson,” began Draco, “he’s –“

 

      “Professor Lupin’s son, yes,” Harry sighed.  “Is that going to be a problem?”

 

      Malfoy straightened in his seat, looking righteously put out. “My cousin,” he said through gritted teeth. “I was going to say, my cousin. As in, the child you’re raising is my estranged relative.” He removed his napkin from his plate, flicked it, then placed it neatly across his lap. “Salazar, Potter, if it was this easy to rile you up at Hogwarts, I wouldn’t have had to be near so creative.”

 

       Harry grinned, might have even laughed a little, but if you asked him he’d never admit it.

 

       “I’m sorry,” Harry said, a bit flushed. “You can’t know how much unfair shite Teddy gets for it. And right now he’s five and adorable, what’s going to happen when he gets older?”

 

       “Pureblood prejudice is not a friend to any of us.” Malfoy averted his eyes, looking as if he were choosing his next words very carefully. “I can’t imagine growing up with it as a child his age.” He adjusted the position of his plate. “At least I can understand what I’ve done to receive it.”

 

       A bitter, guilty, part of Harry wanted to point out that perhaps he could better understand pureblood prejudice aimed at  children if he hadn’t been so busy dolling it out, but instead he said –

 

        “Being gay isn’t something you’ve done, Malfoy. It’s … just a thing that’s a part of you.”

 

         “Eloquent,” Malfoy said dryly.

 

         “You know what I mean,” Harry replied.

 

         “I do,” Malfoy swallowed, meeting Harry’s eyes. “I appreciate it.”

 

          Harry smiled, a bit more confident than he had been just five minutes ago. He was genuinely in awe of how cordial, if a bit stilted, their conversation was going. Harry couldn’t recall one time they’d ever been this civil to one another. Well, other than on Howlr, of course, but that hardly counted.

 

         “Might I make a suggestion,” Malfoy said, picking up and flipping through his menu. Harry nodded, perhaps too enthusiastically. “May I please order for us? You’re bound to choose something safe and bland and I, generous wizard that I am, will end up taking pity on you and giving you half my plate.”

 

       “Uhh, rude,” Harry said, aghast.

 

       “Don’t be so sensitive, Potter,” Malfoy replied haughtily. Harry waited for the usual fury that came with the Slytherin being obnoxious, but amusement was the only emotion that surfaced. “I am not rude,” he finished with a pout.

 

       “Not only are you rude,” Harry stated, emphatically, “but you’re wrong. I get my best recipes from restaurant menus and I rarley make the same thing twice, so I’m pretty much an expert at ordering at this point.”

 

       Harry made sure to make a big production of opening his own menu and began his search for the perfect dish that would wipe that smug smile right off Malfoy’s frustratingly attractive face.

     

       “Why,” Malfoy asked.

 

       “Huh?” Harry said, absorbed in the selection process.

 

        “Why don’t you make the same recipe twice? I know you’re not exactly the perfectionist type, but surely someone who enjoys cooking as much as you do would at least…”

 

        Harry’s shoulders tensed and he felt the uncomfortable beginnings of a power headache. He should have been used to it at this point, it was always the same when something unexpectedly reminded him of his time with the Dursleys.

 

       “I just don’t,” Harry said evasively, trying to do the breathing exercises that Hermione always suggested but never worked.

 

      “You just don’t,” Malfoy repeated, disapprovingly. “What a conversationalist you are.” Harry took a heaving breath and placed his menu on the table next to his plate.

 

      “How familiar are you with my childhood, Malfoy?” Harry asked. He took a large gulp of water, allowing a small, slightly melted, ice cube into his mouth and proceeding  to chew it as discreetly as possible.

 

      “My, how presumptuous we are,” Malfoy said, utterly oblivious to what Harry was going through.  “I was under the impression that all that fan-seeking nonsense I used to spew was – “

 

      Harry interrupted Draco with an impatient look.

 

     “I’m familiar,” Draco said, finally picking up on tone.

 

      “Right,” Harry said numbly. “Well, my aunt and uncle used to force me to cook for them. That’s how I learned. And with them it was the same rotation of ten or so different meals: pot roast, Yorkshire pudding, Chicken Tikka Masala,” Harry looked up to see if Malfoy was still listening. He had the other wizard’s rapt and undivided attention. “I love to cook, I just – I can’t get into another rotation like that again.”

 

      “Are you alright?” Malfoy asked, looking dead serious. The intensity in the way he looked at  him caught Harry off guard.

 

      “Umm,” he stammered, “change of subject, please.” Malfoy gave a curt nod, picked up his menu and gave Harry a pleasant smile.

 

      “Since you’re so keen,” he drawled, as if nothing had happened, “I suppose you may select the mains and I’ll select the wine and starters.”

 

       “Deal,” Harry said, thankfully, letting his gaze linger on the other wizard. He tried to imagine the boy he’d known at Hogwarts being this considerate. He tried to imagine that same boy waiting patiently in Godric’s Hollow for Harry to present himself a month ago. The images didn’t seem to compute in his brain.

 

       “And they said we couldn’t compromise,” Malfoy teased. Harry rolled his eyes, if only to skive off the absurd impulse he had to giggle.

 

       “If you’ll excuse me,” Malfoy said, getting up from his seat. “I’m going to talk to the sommelier about a wine I don’t see on the menu.”

 

        When the waiter brought the (off-menu) wine Malfoy had selected, Harry watched, amusedly, as the blond did all sorts of very strange and technical things to the glass presented him. Harry made the mistake of inquiring about such behavior and ended up in a fifteen-minute lecture on the “art of wine tasting.”

 

        “Have you brought a notepad, Potter,” Draco went on with enthusiasm, “because this part may be of some interest to you.” Harry would be willing to bet his Firebolt it  wouldn’t be, but he nodded along all the same because the other wizard’s passion for the subject was nothing short of adorable. “It’s simplest just to keep in mind the six “s’s’” of wine tasting: See, Swirl, Smell, Sip, the option to Spit or Swallow and Savor.” Harry snorted, barely contained, laughter bursting from chest.  

 

       “Sounds more like the six “s’s” of sucking cock,” Harry blurted, remembering himself too late and turning a shade of red one doesn’t often see outside of December.

     

       Malfoy who had, unfortunately, been savouring at the time....had promptly began to choke. Harry, for his part, was patting himself on the back for managing not to laugh during the coughing fit. Malfoy, however, surprising Harry for what must have been the fifteenth time that evening, did laugh.

 

       “Crass but well played, Potter,” he’d said and Harry’s chest soared  with what he felt was a misplaced sense of pride.

 

       By the time the main course had arrived, Harry was in awe again of how easily they seemed to talk about their respective lives after Hogwarts. Draco told Harry he’d been studying for his potions mastery and would earn the title by Christmas. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it yet but made it a point to say that the idea of brewing St. Mungo’s hundreds of blood replenishing potions a day interested him about as much as an Avada to the heart.

 

       Harry listened and laughed at the way every story Malfoy seemed to tell was a performance, embellished with a sense of suspense and an endless series of hand gestures. He was all at once exactly the same and totally different than the wizard Harry had known at Hogwarts or even the one he’d gotten to know over Howlr. It was so odd, Harry kept thinking, how he’d felt he’d known Hydra completely but in reality had known nothing about him.

 

       “You’re to join the Aurors, then?” Malfoy enquired, when Harry had been silent too long.

 

      “No actually,” Harry responded. And went on to tell Malfoy the story of when he’d walked into McGonagall’s office disillusioned with the Aurors and displeased with his future prospects, and walked out the newly appointed flying instructor for Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

 

      “Only the savior of the wizarding world,” Malfoy said, haughtily.  

 

     “The only reason I finished  the course,” Harry continued, “was because McGonagall plans for me to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts in a few years and thought I needed to learn Auror grade defensive spells. It backfired , though, I was top of my Auror class and now the department won’t let me go unless I agree to teach a seminar over the summer – “

 

      Harry stopped then, noticing Malfoy had gone very pale and looked rather more panicked than he had a moment ago.

 

      “I presume you’ll be moving to Scotland full time?” Malfoy played absently with the scraps left on his plate.

 

     “Next week, as it turns out,” Harry said, keeping a careful eye on him.  “We have to get ourselves situated before the students turn up.” Noticing Malfoy’s expression hadn’t changed, Harry called upon Godric, Helga and whichever founders would help him, and took Malfoy’s hand across the table. Malfoy looked up at him, mask firmly in place.

 

     “Uhh – yeah,” Harry said, both terrified to move his hand and nervous that, if he didn’t, Malfoy might hit him. “I’ll have a working floo in my chambers. In case, I don’t know, you were worried… or something.”

 

     “I wasn’t worried,” Malfoy spat defensively, though Harry did notice his expression soften. “Salazar, the size of your ego tonight.”

 

     “My mistake,” Harry said with a knowing smile.

 

     “A floo in your champers,” Malfoy repeated, scandalized. “Professor Potter, what _are_ you implying?”

 

      Dessert, Harry was pleased to find, was indisputably Malfoy’s favorite part of the meal. Harry recalled from Hogwarts that Malfoy had a rather large sweet tooth but after two hardy courses, he was beginning to wonder where his former rival kept it all. For Malfoy had not only eaten his entire slice of molten chocolate lava cake (which he proclaimed was ‘better than sex’) but also helped himself to a good portion of Harry’s salted  caramel pudding.

 

      Not that Harry wasn’t happy to share, in fact, it turned out he was chuffed to do just about anything that kept Malfoy at that table with him. Harry had no idea what would happen when the magic of this night was over. When he had to go home and justify his feelings to Ron and Hermione. Or, even better, if Harry got lucky and didn’t have to go home at all, what would happen in the morning? Would Harry catch Malfoy in a bad mood? Would the _Prophet_ snap a shot of him leaving? Would this all be some strange dream that only worked in this place, at this time, tonight? Because as much as Harry didn’t want it to be, he had this horrible feeling that this was something huge but temporary. As if he didn’t believe this kind of happiness was sustainable.

 

     “This is me,” Malfoy said when, after dinner, they’d arrived at a large, grey townhouse on a London street corner. It was smart magic; to any muggles passing by it would simply look like an abandoned pop-up shop location.

 

      “It’s a nice door.”  Harry said dumbly, pointing to the ornate black and gold pattern on it.

 

      “Astute observation, Potter,” Malfoy said flatly. He might have been about to say something else too but Harry would never know. Not that he particularly cared to know, mind, he was far too busy leaping on Malfoy.  

 

      In the millions of times (thousands just tonight) Harry had fantasized about kissing Draco Malfoy, this was not at all how he thought it would go. Maybe he’d grab him by his tie and pull him into a searing snog or he’d stroke his cheek and gently lean in, extending the moment, or he’d just throw him against the wall and forgo kissing all together. Not once did he lurch forward with a nervous shot of adrenaline, barely managing to hit his mark.

 

      But hit it, he did.

 

      And what Harry lacked in finesse, he made up for in sheer need, for when his lips finally met Malfoy’s after all those years, he thought he’d die if he couldn’t have more. He had never felt anything like it; being so desperate for something while it was actually happening. It was like being on his Firebolt and missing flying or craving Indian while eating curry; it didn’t make any sense, but it didn’t have to because he was kissing Malfoy. _Fuck_ , he was kissing Malfoy and Malfoy was kissing back.

 

      Malfoy, quickly picking up on what was happening, leaned in, opening his mouth to let Harry explore. Though the more Harry did so, the more frantic Malfoy’s movements became. He seemed to be begging for Harry to kiss him harder, to move faster and Harry was doing his best but there was also this persistent part of him that wanted to take this slow and make it last.

 

       Failing to satisfy, however, Malfoy took matters into his own hands. The surprisingly capable blonde grabbed Harry by the collar and slammed him against the front door. He ran a smooth hand down Harry’s neck, eventually holding his throat in place as he bit, licked and sucked on Harry’s ear.

 

       Harry’s hips jerked forward and he let out the first of a series of long, embarrassing moans.

 

       “Fuck, Potter” Malfoy breathed, moving in on Harry’s mouth again. This time, Malfoy decided slow was fine as long as it was accompanied by maneuvers with his tongue Harry felt ought be labeled dark magic. The hold Malfoy had on Harry’s throat seemed to tighten with his enthusiasm and Harry was so hard the slightest breeze could tip him over the edge.

 

       “Muggle p-protections,” Harry panted out between breaths, trying to pull some sensibility out of the depths on his desire, “on the house?”

 

        “They can’t see us,” Malfoy said impatiently before distributing a line of playful bites down Harry’s neck. Harry whimpered, finally, _finally_ sliding his fingers into the fine, white silk that was Malfoy’s hair.

 

      “Soft,” Harry breathed. He took Draco under the chin and brought his lips up to meet his again. “I want you,” he admitted. It came out low and clear. He felt the other man tremble against him.

 

      “Funny enough,” Malfoy chuckled, taking Harry’s hard length in hand, “this gave you away.”   

 

      Harry let his head fall against the door, thrusting forward into Draco’s hand – wishing they were off but, none the less, fully resigned to coming in his pants. Draco stared at him as he worked, grey eyes watching his with hunger and perhaps a bit of challenge. Harry was sure that look alone could undo him.

 

      But then Draco removed his hand altogether, instead placing it on Harry’s chest, resting his forehead on the door next to Harry’s with a sigh.

 

      “We can’t do this tonight,” Malfoy said, sounding like each word was a war he was waging within himself.

 

      “Oh,” Harry said, breathing heavy. He didn’t want to be an arsehole but he could feel the disappointment written all over his face.

 

      “You were right earlier,” Malfoy said by way of explanation. “You need more time to get used to the idea of us,” he lifted his head to look at Harry, “of me.” Harry wanted to go back in time and give his past self a swift kick in the shins.

 

       “That was hours ago,” Harry said confidently, “I’ve had enough time now.” He gave Draco a smile he hoped was in the same Portkey zone as charming. “The idea of us is so old hat it could practically sort itself.” Draco chuckled.

 

      “Clever.”

 

      “Thank you,” Harry grinned, very pleased with himself.

 

      Draco was on him again, kissing him like they’d been apart for  weeks as opposed to mere minutes. This time, it was Malfoy weaving his hands through Harry’s impossibly messy hair. He was the one moaning wantonly at every brush of their cocks.

     

     “Stop that,” Draco said, pushing Harry away again. Harry held up his hands in protest.

 

     “That was all you!” he insisted.

 

     “I know,” Draco consented, both hands firmly on Harry’s chest again. His arms were completely outstretched to ensure there was a substantial amount of space between the two of them.  “You need to go home before I lose my nerve.”

 

     “Why are you fighting this?” Harry asked.

 

      “Because,” Draco said, exasperated, “I have everything to lose!” Harry opened his mouth to protest but Draco continued on. “You already know where I am in this. It’s up to you, now, to figure out where you stand.” Harry let out a disbelieving breath.

 

      “Where I _am_ , is standing outside your door, not near above begging you to let me in.”

 

       Draco let his hands slide down Harry’s body, allowing himself to go flush against the other wizard in the process. Harry just watched it happen, not sure how he managed to get this lucky but certainly not going to argue.

 

      Draco looped his fingers in Harry’s belt loops and jerked his hips against his own. “You want to fuck me, Potter?” he said on a breath at Harry’s ear. A shiver ran down the length of Harry’s body.

     

      “Since about third year,” he admitted desperately. “You know this. _Damned hair, stupid eyes,”_ Harry, past  shame, quoted his own notes in the margins of the book he’d gifted Draco. “Who’d you think I was talking about?”  

 

      “Right,” he said like he’d expected Harry’s answer, “you want to fuck the Malfoy you knew in school, maybe even Hydra from Howlr. When you want, Draco, _then_ we’ll go inside.” Harry took a deep, laborious breath.

 

     “I don’t even know what that means,” he whined.

 

      “Figure that out, Potter,” Draco tapped a finger on Harry’s chest, “and I’ll fuck you.”

 

      Then Draco took hold of Harry’s leather jacket, relished the feel of the material in his hands, and removed Harry Potter from his front door.

\---

 

**Contact: Bae**

 

Harry: How about some light frottage?

 

Draco: How did you manage to put your number in my phone? I was with you all night.

 

Harry: Wandless magic!

 

Draco: I see you’ve named yourself “Harry Hotter.”

 

Harry: Not my best work.

 

Draco: A relief to us all.

 

Harry: A blowy?

 

Draco: Potter.

 

Harry: Handjob?

 

Draco: I’m going to bed now.

 

Harry: Footjob?

 

Draco: Excuse me?

 

Harry: Hey, I don’t know what you’re into!

 

Draco: Not. That.

 

Harry: So mutual masturbation then?

 

Draco: Goodnight, Potter.

 

Harry: I had a really good time tonight.

 

Draco: Sweet dreams, you sap.

 

Harry: See you in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to me: http://partialtopotter.tumblr.com/
> 
> Likes and Comments always appreciated!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Two chapters in the same week, what? Do you forgive me for my apsense yet? Happy Holidays my lovely readers, old and new! A special and HUGE thank you to my beta, Syn, an angel sent to earth to be a delight to all and my personal hero! Another big thank you to everyone who wished me well in my theatrical endeavours, you did not have to do that and it really meant a lot. I was touched! I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think!

TUESDAY  

 

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Hermione:  Do you think he’ll like it? 

 

Harry: I think he’s going to be pissed you stole his show. But you’ve done well, it really does suit him!

 

Hermione: Stole his show? How many times do I have to tell you, there is no modern reason why it shouldn’t be the woman who proposes?

 

Harry: Which I agree with wholeheartedly, Hermione. Now, going on about how ‘ridiculous’ it would be to get married so he wouldn’t beat you to it is, however, devious.

 

Hermione: I have been a bit cheeky, haven’t I? I’ve got him so worked up, he might not have purposed for another ten years, god bless him.

 

Harry: You’re a cruel witch.

 

Hermione: You don’t think he’ll be so cross he’ll say ‘no’, do you?

 

Harry: I don’t think a level of cross exists that would stop Ron from saying yes to you.

 

Hermione: Oh god, I’m so nervous! What if we ARE too young? What if all that tripe I’ve been feeding Ron is true?

 

Harry: So what if you’re young. I don’t know any two people that are more ready. You’re practically married as is, if you waited any longer you’d just be biding time. Not to mention you are the most prepared and logical person potentially on the planet. I don’t think you could have left the store with that ring if you didn’t know it was right.

 

Hermione: Christ! I’ve just considered he’s a Weasley. What if we get married and he thinks that means I want to have kids right away? I don’t want kids yet. I am on track for Minister for Magic and I’m not going to have that derailed by a load of ginger spawn.

 

Harry: Hermione, do you love him?

 

Hermione: Merlin help me, so much!

 

Harry: Do I need to say anything else?

 

Hermione: Thanks, Harry. Love you!

 

Harry: Love you too, weirdo!

 

\---

**Contact: Bae**

 

Harry: What are you doing tonight?

 

Draco: Miss me already?

 

Harry: Kind of.

 

Draco: See, this is the result of not giving it up on the first date.

 

Harry: So you’re free then?

 

Draco: I could be persuaded to move some things around.  What did you have in mind?

 

Harry: I promised I’d go see my cousin’s horrible band play. Make it more tolerable?  

 

Draco: Do we need a little refresher on the definition of the word persuade?

 

Harry: I’d really like to see you again.

 

Draco: Better.

         How about we skip the show and go for Curry instead?

 

Harry: Wish I could, but I gave him my word.

 

Draco: Isn’t this the cousin that treated you like shit growing up?

 

Harry: The one and only.

 

Draco: Well, there you have it. I don’t see why you feel the need to support him in the first place.

 

Harry: Because, lucky for you, I have a habit of giving spoiled prats second chances!

 

Draco: Fine. Pick me up 6:30.

 

\--- 

**Contact: Roonil Wazlib**

 

Ron: I think Hermione’s going to break up with me.

 

Harry: What? You’re mad. TOTALLY OFF YOUR TROLLEY!

 

Ron: She’s been acting cagey all week. We’re having sex a lot! Like, a lot a lot.

 

Harry: TMI and why is that a bad thing?

 

Ron: It’s like she’s trying to get me out of her system or distract me or something, but I’m vigilant. She’s figured it out, Harry. She knows I’m not good enough for her.

 

Harry: Hermione’s a clever witch, I’m sure she worked that out ages ago.

 

Ron: Har Har

 

Harry: Why don’t you just give it until the end of the week. If things are still strange, we can begin to formulate a plan to win her back!

 

Ron: Yeah, alright. No need to panic.

 

Harry: There’s a good lad.

 

\---

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Harry: Try to be subtler. Ron’s going to have a panic attack before the weeks out.

 

Hermione: I know. It’s kind of cute, right?

 

Harry: Fix it.

 

Hermione: Fine.

 

\---

**Contact: Bae**

 

Draco: You’re late.

 

Harry: I know! I’m sorry, I had to drop my godson off at his Gran’s. I’m on my way.

 

Draco: This is a terrible precedent, Potter. And you can say his name, now. I know my own cousin, even if we’ve never spoken.

 

\---

 

Harry: Mind message? I can’t hear you over the music.

 

Draco: First, I am loath to call this music. Second, I said, ‘this place is disgusting and the people are worse!’

 

Harry: Yeah, Dudley's band sucks but it’s nice he has a dream.  And I warned you on the way here that the venue would be a little rough around the edges.  

 

Draco: Rough around the edges? There is someone’s dirty sock hanging across an exposed pipe above my head, Potter.

 

Harry: There’s some space just in front of me, if you don’t mind it being a bit snug. No socks in sight.

 

Draco: Is this an attempt at seduction? Your big move is to shield me from a sock?

 

Harry: They don’t call me the saviour  for nothin’

          You’ll be so close we won’t have to text. I’ll be able to whisper directly into your ear.

          Liked the sound of that, did you?

 

Draco: Turn off mind message, you dork, I’m hearing double. One Potter in my head is more than enough, thank you!

 

Harry: What about one Potter giving head?

 

Draco: Nice try.

 

* * *

 

WEDNESDAY 

 

**Incoming Call: Roonil Wazlib**

 

Harry: *Groggily* ‘Ron?’

 

Ron: ‘Harry!’

 

Harry: ‘What’s wrong? It’s 3 in the morning. ‘

 

Ron: ‘I know. Couldn’t sleep. Hermione Proposed, mate! I’m gutted I didn’t get to ask her, tell you the truth, but, FUCK, I’m getting married!’

 

Harry: ‘Congratulations, mate! This is such a shock. I’m gobsmacked .’

 

Ron: ‘You knew, didn’t you?’

 

Harry: ‘Sure did.’

 

Ron: ‘Wanker!’

 

Harry: ‘Guilty.’

 

Ron: *Laughing, almost giggling* ‘Bloody hell, listen to me . I’m as bad as Lavender bleeding Brown. Fucking hell, Lavender, what a mistake that was. When I could have had, Hermione?’

 

Harry: ‘You were scared.’

 

Ron: ‘I was barking, is what I was! Missing a fair few ingredients in the old potion.’

 

Harry: ‘She was _well-endowed_. I remember that being a significant pull in Lavender’s favor.’

 

Ron: ‘Still, who could even look at her with Hermione in the room!’

 

Harry: *Deadpan* ‘I’ll be sure to ask Parvati next time I see her.’

 

Ron: *A wavering voice* ‘I’m dead chuffed, Harry!’

 

Harry: ‘Are you crying?’

 

Ron: ‘Fuck off, yeah!’

 

Harry: *Laughing* ‘So tell me, how does it feel to be an engaged man?’

 

Ron: ‘Older, luckier and fair bit wiser, I’d reckon.’

 

Harry: ‘Know all secrets to the universe now, do you?’

 

Ron: ‘Ha. Not a chance in hell but I bet my fiancé does!’

 

Harry: ‘And what does she get in the deal? A yearly jumper and some dad jokes?’

 

Ron: ‘EGGSactly.’

 

Harry: ‘Punbelievable.’

 

Ron: *Laughing* ‘I’ll let you go back to sleep.’

 

Harry: ‘Congratulations, Mr. Granger.’

 

\--- 

**Contact: Hermione**

 

Hermione: He said yes!

 

Harry: I heard…at 3 o’clock this morning.

 

Hermione: You said to fix it.

 

Harry: I know. I’m happy for you!

 

\---

**Contact: Bae**

 

Draco: Get Pansy out of my house.

 

Harry: Huh?

 

Draco: Are you having trouble reading English? Shall I give Mermish a try, or would you like to dust off that neglected organ inside your skull and give it another go?

 

Harry: Honeymoon phase? What’s that? Never heard of it.

 

Draco: Her makeup is all over my bathroom, she keeps re-organizing my closet so I have no idea where anything is AND if I have to listen to her and the she-weasel have hate sex ONE more time, I’m going to pitch myself off the balcony.

 

Harry: Ginny always was loud.

 

  
Draco: Would you like me to take you with me?

 

Harry: Hahaha Kidding. Kind of. What am I supposed to do about it?

 

Draco: Tell your Ex you’re not mad at Pansy for not telling you I was Hydra so she’ll let Pansy back in their flat.

        

Harry: I’ll see what I can do.

 

Draco: Much appreciated.

 

Harry: In the meantime, you could get out of the house tonight and have Curry with me.

 

Draco: Three nights in a row, Potter?

 

Harry: I know it’s kind of crazy but I have the first two weeks of evening patrols when Hogwarts starts back up in a couple weeks and I just want to make sure we give this a proper go before it fizzles or something.

 

Draco: Great. So I’ll meet you at Palms of Goa at 7, then? Or shall we push for 6, in case things start to fizzle.

 

Draco: And he’s out before noon.

\---

 

Harry: Fuck. Sorry, I had to put down my phone. I was in a meeting. I didn't mean it in that way, Draco. I just meant that I want to spend as much time as possible with you before my life gets crazy. I DON’T want this to fizzle. I’m having fun. Aren’t you having fun?

 

\---

 

Harry: Draco, come on?

 

Harry: Well, I’ll be at the restaurant at 7 if you still want to join me.    

 

\--- 

**Group chat: The Lesbians**

 

Harry: Gin, let Pansy move back in. I’M not even mad at her for the Hydra thing.

 

Ginny: Well bully for you, Harry, but YOU weren’t supposed to be her partner!

 

Pansy: You’re a fucking hypocrite, Weasley! If the roles were reversed, there’s no way you would have given up Potter if he asked you not to say anything.

 

Harry: True.

 

Ginny: Harry. Isn’t. An. Ex- Death Eater!

 

Harry: Also true.

 

Pansy: Your beloved, Potter, wasn’t in any danger! Salazar, he defeated the Dark Lord, I’m pretty sure he can handle, Draco.

 

Ginny: That wasn’t your call to make!

 

Pansy: You’re full of it. This has nothing to do with me or Draco and you know it.

 

Ginny: You keep saying that. What THE FUCK do you mean?

 

Harry: Gin, could you maybe just let her back into the flat, you don’t even have to forgive her. I would just really like Draco to talk to me again? Pretty please!

 

Pansy: Not likely. I heard you really fucked up today, Potter.

 

Ginny: Harry, what did you do?

 

Pansy: The halfwit told Draco their relationship was fizzling.

 

Ginny: Already?

 

Harry: That’s not what I said!

 

Pansy: In so many words.

 

Harry: Hey, I’m trying to help YOU!

 

Pansy: No, you’re trying to get your dick wet.

 

Harry: Fine, fight forever, use it as foreplay, I don’t give a fuck, but you’re right pissed at one another and yet you still can’t spend one bloody night a part! What does that tell you?

 

Ginny: I’m coming to Draco’s.

 

Pansy: Fine.

 

Harry: For Christ sakes, fight-fuck in your own flat!

 

Ginny: No.

 

Pansy: Stay out of this, Scarhead.

 

\---

  **Contact: Bae**

 

Harry: I’m not late! I’m at the restaurant but I had to use the toilet.

 

Draco: Likely story.

 

Harry: You’re more than welcome to come check, if you’d like?

 

Draco: I most certainly would not like. Did you splinch your brain in apparition?

 

Harry: Godric, you’re cute when you’re cross.

 

Draco: Fuck you, potter!

 

Harry: Merlin help me, that pout. Adorable.

 

Draco:  Where the hell are you?

 

Harry: Across the room to your left.

       

          Sorry, my left. Your, right!

 

Draco: Dimwit. I’m not even sure I want to eat with you after what you said earlier.

          Oh… Damn it, you let Pansy dress you! Unbutton your top button and get your fit arse over here.

 

Harry: Yes, sir.

 

\--- 

**Contact: SheSnake**

 

Harry: Thanks for the outfit.

 

Pansy: I didn’t do it for you. I swear, Potter, if you hurt him I will set Blaise on you and, trust me, the poison apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

 

Harry: Noted. 

 

\--- 

**Contact: Bae**

 

Harry: Hey, I know how you feel about him and I don’t want to get into another fight but I think things are going really well tonight!

 

Draco: Good to know.

 

Harry: Fuck.

 

Draco: Indeed.

 

* * *

 

THURSDAY 

 

**Contact: Papa W**

 

Harry: Can I bring Draco to the engagement party tomorrow night?

 

Arthur: So, this is serious then?

 

Harry: Idk yet. Feels like, probably.

 

Arthur: You know you have an open invitation. You can always bring anyone you’d like.

 

Harry: I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

 

Arthur: Might I suggest not dating a Death Eater.

 

Harry: Hey, watch where you’re pointing that wand, you might miss and hit my feelings.

 

Arthur: I’m sorry Harry, but you need to hear it. Merlin knows you deserve to be happy, so if the Malfoy boy does that for you then we will, of course, welcome him. But you must know, not everyone’s thrilled at the idea.

 

Harry: Mrs. Weasley…

 

Arthur: Would sooner see you date a troll, as it turns out.

 

Harry: Right.

          He’s different, I swear.

 

Arthur: I look forward to seeing proof of that.

          Oh and Harry, totally unrelated, could you possibly bring some of those muggle nail clippers?

 

Harry: Really…after last time?

 

Arthur: On my toaster’s life, I won’t use them on the ghoul.

 

Harry: Good, because consent is important.

 

Arthur: Yes, I still have the scar to remind me.

 

\---

**Group chat: Golden Trio**

 

Harry:  

          In light of your recent engagement, Harry James Potter is officially kicking, best friends, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger out of his flat.

 

Ron: Wth?

 

Harry: One can only walk in on their mates shagging so many times before it causes permanent neurological damage.

 

Hermione: SEE, I TOLD YOU I HEARD A DOOR OPEN!

 

Ron: Fuck … Must have been distracted. ;)

 

Hermione: Ron!

 

Harry: Yup. Janus Thickey’s is looking more like home by the second.

 

           The room will be nice. Neville will bring plants. Draco will terrorize the staff!

 

Ron: DRACO!?!!?

 

Hermione: Are you going to be ok, Harry? If we move out?

 

Ron: We’re certainly not moving out now! He just wants the place empty so he can fuck the ferret.

 

Harry: Yes, I’ll be fine!

 

Ron: Well, not on my watch! I can’t believe you’re calling him “Draco.”

 

Hermione: If you’re sure.

 

Harry: I’ve already taken the liberty of transporting your belongings to your old house. Anyway, we needed to rip off the plaster sometime. I move to Hogwarts next week.

 

Ron: Hey, I thought we weren’t talking about that!

 

Harry: It’ll be ok, Ron. I’ll have an open floo, just for you. :)

 

Hermione: And Malfoy.

 

Harry:  ;)

 

Ron: NO!

 

\---

**Contact: Papa W**

 

Arthur: Some of those Acrylic nails as well.

 

Harry: Mr. Weasley!

 

Arthur: For science.

 

Harry: Of course…

 

Arthur: Don’t forget the nail glue.

 

Harry: Wouldn’t dream of it.

 

\--- 

**Contact: Bae**

 

Draco: Meet me at Charming tonight at 9.

 

Harry: You want to go clubbing on a Thursday night?

 

Draco: Thursday is Magic Night, they have wizarding drinks and Veela dancers. It’s the only night to go! Besides, I just bought a new outfit. You don’t have work tomorrow, correct?

 

Harry: … No.

 

Draco: Then be a good boy, Potter, and do as you’re told.

 

Harry: I’m HIGH KEY not a club person, Draco.

 

Draco: I’ll be wearing this: 

 

Harry: FUCK! I’m working. You can’t tease me all week, then send me a picture like that!

 

Draco: So I’ll see you at 9.

 

Harry: Obviously. 

 

 **\---**  

**Group Chat: Fab four**

 

Harry: Malfoy in Dragon leather should be illegal.

 

Hermione: Dragon leather should be illegal anyway!

 

Harry: It doesn’t kill the Dragon, Hermione.

 

Hermione: Neither would skinning your hide, Harry, but you don’t exactly fancy the sound of it, do you?

 

Ginny: Well, if memory serves…

 

Harry: Ron sees this chat!

 

Ginny: Whoops.

 

\---

 

Ron: I’m away from my Spellular for five minutes and I come back to this shit!

 

Harry: Sorry.

 

Ginny: Suck it up.

 

\--- 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: We’re still on for the pub later, yeah?

 

Harry: Shit.

 

Ginny: You made plans with him, didn’t you?

 

Harry: I’ll make it up to you?

 

Ginny: You know, he’s not the only one who wants to see you before you move to Scotland.

 

Harry: I know, Gin. I’m really, really sorry.

 

Ginny: Whatever you say, Harry.

 

\--- 

**Contact: Theo**

 

Theo: I’m trying not to be insulted, Potter. When are you taking me out?

 

Harry: Never. This has all been an unfortunate misunderstanding. You were merely a convenient vessel for my denial, nothing more. Further correspondence will not be necessary.

 

Theo: Draco?

 

Harry: Theodore.

 

Theo: I saw it in the paper but I wouldn’t believe it unless I saw it with my own eyes.

 

Harry: Well now that you have, kindly move along and forget this Spelluar address.

 

Theo: I would be annoyed but I know how long you’ve wanted this! Have you told him of your string of doppelgangers? Never let it be said that Draco Malfoy doesn’t have a type. Could be the fittest bloke in the world but if he doesn’t have green eyes and the inability to use a comb…   

 

Harry: That’s quite enough of that, thank you!

 

Theo: Tsk tsk, Draco, secrets do not a good relationship make. Still, I think I’ll bow out here gracefully. Give my regrets to the Hero.

 

\---

  **Contact: Bae**

 

Draco: What am I meant to wear to this party tomorrow?

 

Harry: Definitely clothes.

 

Draco: I loathe you!

 

Harry: Now, we both know that’s not true. According to Nott, I’m EXACTLY your type!

 

Draco: We’re not doing this.

 

Harry: We’re not doing A LOT of things. Which one is this now?

 

Draco: We know what we know, Potter. There is no need to belabour the issue.

 

Harry: Very true. We both know that despite years of torture, humiliation, and physical violence you were scribbling Mr. Malfoy-Potter all over your potions book. There’s no need to discuss it further.

 

Draco:  I’ll just ask Pansy what she’s wearing, shall I?

 

Harry: Of course if dragon leather had been a part of the Hogwarts uniform… be still, my aching cock.

 

Draco: Hmm, what would you have done? Drag me to a secluded corner of the castle like you did at the club? That would have been interesting. Not sure if Snape would have approved…

 

Harry: And therein lies half the fun!

 

Draco: So you have me in the corner, what do you do next?

 

Harry: I’d press you up against the cold, stone wall a bit harder than is strictly necessary. There’s sure to be a mark the next day but I kind of like the sound of that so I keep pushing, rolling my erection against yours. I look down and see the outline of your hardening cock through those maddening fucking trousers of yours. I sink to my knees and rub the leather surrounding your cock against my cheek. My mouth waters. The smell of the material mixed with your scent

 

Draco: Potter?

 

Harry: If you can tease, I can tease. 

 

* * *

 

FRIDAY

 

**Contact: Bae**

 

Draco: What time are you picking me up to go to the party?

 

Harry: I’m not. I’m helping Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen all day. I gave you the address, didn’t I? Just text when you’re outside.

 

Draco: Doesn’t she have about 30 other kittens that could help her?

 

Harry: Kittens?

 

Draco: Weasel offspring are referred to as kittens. Read. A. Book.

 

Harry: No Weasel jokes tonight, Malfoy! I mean it.

 

Draco: I’ll be good.

 

Harry: No sneering at the décor, turning your nose up at the clothes or connecting their freckles to make dirty pictures on their faces.

 

Draco: Now you’re just giving me ideas.

 

Harry: Do you need a refresher on the names?

 

Draco: No, I know the names. In chronological order:  Aunt Murderer Weasel, Born-to-be-muggle Weasel, Attractive Genetic Anomaly Weasel, Dragon Weasel, Swotty Weasel, Auditorily Challenged Weasel, Worst Weasel, Soon-to-be Mrs. Granger-Worst Weasel, Potty Weasel and, last and almost least, Weaselette.

 

Harry: You forgot Fleur, Angelina and Audrey.

 

Draco: Of course, how could I have possibly forgotten: Veela, Could-have-done-better and Who-cares?

 

Harry: Draco.

 

Draco: I’ll be on my best behavior, Daddy, don’t worry.

 

Harry: Cheeky little -

 

\---

 

Draco: I’m outside the door. Come get me!

 

Harry: My cake needs to come out the oven. Could you just come in and meet me in the kitchen?

 

Draco: So help me, Potter, if you’re not at this door in ten seconds…

 

\---

 

Harry: Where are you?

 

Draco: Kitchen. I volunteered to help Mrs. Weasley re-plate and serve the second round of starters.

 

Harry: HAHAHA You did what?!?!

        

Draco: She hates me. I had to do something.

 

Harry: Hate is a strong word.

 

Draco: She made me sip the wine I brought to check I hadn’t poisoned it.

 

Harry: She’s lived through two wars…she’s cautious.

 

Draco: Give me something that will help me win her over?

 

Harry: Keep being helpful, compliment her cooking, go back in time and make a mental note not be such a dick to her family…

 

Draco: Potter.

 

Harry: Know any Celestina Warbeck?

 

Draco: Only the songs they play at Christmas.

 

Harry: I’m out.

 

Draco: You’re useless.

 

Harry: Draco, I really appreciate the effort you’re putting in but I think it’s just going to take time.

 

Draco: Easy for you to say, my mum already loves you!

 

Harry: She does?!? :D

 

Draco: Of course she does, Boy Hero. She’s insisting upon tea next week.

 

Harry: I move into Hogwarts on Tuesday.

 

Draco: You will find time to have tea with my mother, Potter.

 

Harry: Monday it is.

 

\---

 

Draco: That’s like the fifth time someone’s asked where the illusive Teddy is tonight.

 

Harry: He’s a loved kid!

 

Draco: Who is conveniently not in attendance this evening, yes.

 

Harry: What are you on about?

 

Draco: The Weaselette was talking to Genetic Anomaly Weasel and I overheard something rather interesting.

 

Harry: My breath sure is bated.

 

Draco: Did you ask my aunt and cousin not to come tonight so you wouldn’t have to introduce me to him.

 

Harry: Of course not! I would NEVER purposely keep Teddy from a family event. He and Andromeda had tickets to see a show. We didn’t know Hermione was going to propose this week.

 

Draco: Yes, I’ve heard the story. I have the story memorized. Get me an agent, I could perform the story drunk, exhausted and while doing a headstand on a broom.

 

Harry:  As co-writer, is my ticket comped or…

 

Draco: Let me clarify the question. If Teddy COULD come tonight, would you still have invited me?

 

Harry: Can we go talk about this in another room. Not on this bloody device.

 

Draco: We can’t leave in the middle of toasts, it’s rude.

 

Harry: Texting in the middle of them is better?

 

Draco: It’s as simple as a word, Potter. Yes or no?

 

Harry: I probably wouldn’t have invited you but not for the reasons you think, ok. To start, as much as I love him, Teddy is a handful and requires all of my attention. I would have had to keep abandoning you in a room full of Weasleys, which, you now, I’m sure you would have LOVED! And honestly, Draco, you aren’t exactly a favourite around here. I wouldn’t want Teddy to meet you surrounded by people that might negatively influence his opinion of you.

 

Draco: Oh.

 

Harry: See, I want him to come to the conclusion that you’re an arse all on his own.

 

Draco: As soon we’re not surrounded by your fan club, you’re going to thoroughly regret saying that.

 

Harry: Promise?

 

\---

**Group Chat: DA**

 

Ginny: Ugh, get a room you two!

 

Neville: Who?

 

Ginny: Harry and Malfoy.

 

George: You’re one to talk.

 

Harry: Great idea, Gin, can we use yours?

 

Ron: Not at MY party.

 

Ginny: Fuck off, Harry!

 

Hermione: The other half of ‘MY party’ says ‘go crazy!’ ;)

 

Ron: Filthy Rotten Traitor!

 

Hermione: Your vows need some work, dear.

 

Terry: Don’t you lot have a separate chat for this rubbish?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is coming to an end! :( Just one more chapter left, friends. I know, I'm gonna miss it too lol. I have been thinking about writing a oneshot companion piece to this fic that goes through Pansy and Ginny's relationship, would you be interested? If so, whose phone should it be in the POV of? Other than that, I wish you all the happiest of holidays and a spectacular new year! Reviews are always encouraged, tell me your favorite chapter so far!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends and readers! I hope you're still out there, it's been a long fucking time! I won't offer excuses or apologize for my long absence because I've come to realize that taking the time off was what was best for me and the fic. I will, however, offer you an explanation. If you aren't interested in my life (fair) please read the warning and skip right to the chapter. 
> 
> WARNING: This chapter is much longer and much smuttier than most chapters. There is Dom/Sub content as well. You have been warned. Oh, and you might need this at some point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50Qo62s8QNg
> 
> Explanation: Woosh, ok so mental health is a struggle! For me it tends to be a bigger struggle during big changes in my life, no matter how good those changes are. I was cast in a 4 month acting tour, an incredible career-changing experience, but it did require me to move away from and be isolated from a lot of my family and friends and those people are my rock! As you can probably guess, things were not great for me at the beginning of the tour. But life is about adapting and learning and so I adapted and learned how to use skype! I also cultivated a new sort of comfort family where I was and I owe them everything! Long story made a bit shorter, I valued forming those relationships and keeping in contact with my estranged family over fandom. I was still connected as a reader but I didn't have it in me to write the final chapter until now. And frankly it would have been BAD had I tried to. 
> 
> AS ALWAYS, a size-kink thank you to Syn, who is the world's best Beta (I mean no offense)! We work so well together and she sacrificed studying for her exams to get this chapter to you faster and I love her and she's perfect and (oh yeah) enjoy the final chapter!

SATURDAY 

 

**Group Chat: Golden Trio**

 

Ron: Tell Hermione that since she proposed, she doesn’t get you as maid of honor too?

 

Harry: Why?

 

Ron: Uhh because you’ll be one of my groomsmen!

 

Harry: Idk … maid of honor outranks groomsman.

 

Hermione: That is precisely what I said.

 

Ron: You snog one slytherin and now it’s all about the prestige with you.

 

Harry: Sorry mate, can’t pass up the opportunity to defy gender roles and shit on the innate binary of the traditional wedding ceremony.

 

Ron: Bloody hell, not the letters again.

 

Harry: Letters?

 

Hermione: Ronald.

 

Ron: LGBTQSPEW…GAY

 

Harry: Ron…buddy

 

Hermione:  *Copy and pastes to chat* I apologize for his lack of tact. We’re working on it.

 

Harry: lol

 

Hermione: Besides it only makes sense that our sides be even. You’ll have George, Charlie, Percy and Bill in your party and I’ll have Harry, Ginny, Luna and Neville in mine.

 

Ron: Are you going to wear the dress too?

 

Harry: Might do.

 

Hermione: If he wants to.

 

Ron: Please, with those shoulders.

 

\---

**Contact: Roonil Wazlib**

 

Ron: You still like me better though, yeah?

 

Harry: Mate, I know she’s right next to you.

 

Ron: Good call.  Spare her her feelings. ;) we know the truth.

 

Harry: Yeah… Teddy’s here so I’m just going to use him an excuse to stop responding now.

 

\---

 

           “Ready or not, here I come,” Harry called, voice echoing throughout his flat. Truth be told there weren’t many decent hiding places in the quaint two-bedroom. Particularly when one was on the hunt for Teddy Lupin, who tended to favor Harry’s old school trunk. Harry made a performance of looking for the boy all the same; he checked under the kitchen table, in the cabinets and, dramatically beneath the couch cushions.

     

          “Godric, Ted, where are you?” Harry bellowed. The sounds of satisfied giggles followed.

 

         Feeling he’d gone through the motions, Harry was just about to head into his room and ‘find’ Teddy when his living room Floo roared to life. Harry had a warded Floo; few people knew the address and the ones who did knew not to show up on a Teddy day.

 

          Harry sprang into action, stored up adrenaline coursing through his veins. He knew this would happen, the war wasn’t over. Fuck, it had never ended. All of this had just been biding time.

 

          His wand flew to his hand before he had time to think of the spell. He planted himself firmly between the fireplace and the hall that led to Teddy. He didn’t have time for a full on duel. He would have do a stunner, grab Teddy and apparate them to Godric’s –

 

         “Salazar, Potter, put your wand down!” Draco Malfoy said, looking gobsmacked.  He stood, stiff as a wand handle, in Harry’s fireplace, his hands raised above his head like a criminal.

 

          Harry’s wand hand shook as the foggy impulse to attack and flee dissipated. He let himself see white blonde hair and immaculately tailored muggle clothes. He breathed in the smell of his cologne. Harry had asked him once what it was called and he’d responded “black musk,” but on the frequent occasions when Harry let himself get lost in it, he thought it smelled more of cinnamon incense and hot rosemary tea. Things that you convince yourself are only for special occasions but in actuality aren’t all that hard to get your hands on.

 

         “Sorry, Draco,” Harry stammered. He ran a sweaty palm through his hair. His cheeks warmed and he felt  like an oversensitive git for getting so worked up over nothing. His heart was still racing and his mind hadn’t quite stopped coming up with escape plans but it was only Draco, he reminded himself. One more time for good measure – It. Was. Draco.  

 

         “I thought you were a – “ Harry paused. Death Eater? No, he best not say that. “Err – sorry.”

 

         “Potter,” Draco cleared his throat. He dusted the floo powder off his fitted blue trousers and grey button down. “I should have texted first.”

 

         He sauntered toward Harry, a look of concern on his face but chose not to comment on Harry’s apparent paranoia and what had inevitably caused it.  Harry was grateful for that and tried to let his embarrassment melt away with the tension in his shoulders. He could see it in his face that, at least, that was something Draco understood. He wasn’t going to make Harry talk about it or explain himself because he also had bad days, days stolen by echoes of a past neither of them asked for.

 

         Instead, Harry was pleased to feel Draco’s nimble hands massage at his shoulders. He didn’t have the words for it yet, but one day he would tell Draco how much that simple act of understanding meant to him.  

 

        “Of course, if I _had_ texted,” Draco segued, the mischievous look on his face transfiguring the mood of the room, “then I’d probably miss the chance to see you walking about your house in nothing but your joggers.” Draco looked Harry up and down, pausing, lip wedged between his teeth, to admire Harry’s firm abdomen. “A true loss, I assure you.”  

 

        Harry let out a half-hearted laugh, the phrase ‘like what you see?’ poised to come out of his mouth when he remembered they were not the only people in the flat.

 

        Fucking hell, leave it to Malfoy to make Harry forget the most important person in his life with a wink and a smirk. Shit.

 

        “Draco, did we have plans?” Harry looked nervously over his shoulder, down the hall to his bedroom. He squinted, was that Teddy or a skived off pile of laundry? Definitely laundry!  How long had it been since his last eye exam? Too long, probably. 

 

        “We’ve seen each other every day this week, Potter,” Draco drawled as the hands on Harry’s shoulders grew bolder and traveled down his arms and back up his chest. Harry sighed into the touch. It felt like his nerves were at a breaking point ever since that dreaded (more like treasured) night on Draco’s doorstep when he informed Harry that they would not be _intimate_ until Harry ‘wanted Draco.’ Draco smirked. “I made an educated guess.” Merlin, his mouth.

 

         Stay strong! Any second, Teddy will get bored of hiding and walk into the living room.  Finding his godfather half-hard and sexually frustrated in the hands of his estranged cousin was not on!

 

        Draco pressed closer, sliding his half-interested prick against Harry’s. He was screwed. And not in the way he desperately wanted to be. What happened to the chaste prat that’d been making Harry work overtime for a mere snog? Despite the current (prominent) objections from other parts of his body, Harry wanted _that_ bastard back!

 

       Draco brought his hand to Harry’s cheek and kissed the skin just below his left ear. “Don’t tell me you’re not happy to see me,” he said, then had the audacity to chuckle with the cockiness of a wizard who knew there wasn’t anything further from the truth.

 

        “Aaaare you coming?” Harry heard Teddy whine, voice muffled and odd-sounding from within the trunk. Harry jerked his head back to look over his shoulder again, the sound of his godson’s voice like a bucket of ice-cold water to his senses.

 

       When he turned back around, Draco had put a considerable amount of distance between them. His pale cheeks were pink and his expression looked a cross between a wounded Crup and a disgruntled Hippogriff. Harry should have known Draco would react this way to Teddy being there. The five-year-old had become such a sore subject between the two of them. Not that Harry didn’t understand, mind, Teddy had been, in one way or another, kept from Draco and now that he had a direct connection with him through Harry, he was anxious to form a relationship with the boy.

 

        “Look,” Harry said cautiously, “I was going to tell –“

 

        “What the fuck, Potter?”  Draco hissed. Harry flinched internally at Draco’s language and checked again to make sure Teddy hadn’t made an appearance.

 

        “That’s a little bit dramatic, don’t you think?” Harry replied in hushed tones. Draco lips curved into a manic smile and Harry was suddenly reminded of the genes he shared with Bellatrix Lestrange.

 

        “I’d be impressed, if I wasn’t so pissed off. I mean,” Draco laughed, a cold, bitter laugh, “where did you find the time?”

 

        “What are you on about?” Harry asked, confusedly. “I would have thought it obvious I’d spend time with – “

 

        Harry heard a loud thunk come from the direction of his bedroom. Great!

 

        “Was that her?” Draco demanded. Her? Harry stared at the blonde, utterly and completely lost.

 

        “I have no idea what you’re – “

 

        “I know I’ve been holding out on you, but I thought you could at least handle a week.”

 

        “Wait, you think – ” Harry began, laughter overtaking him before he could explain that Teddy was, in fact, not a witch Harry was cheating on Draco with.       

 

        “Mind explaining what is so fuc –“

 

        “Draco no!” Harry cut him off, forgoing the whiplash-inducing head turn and whirling around completely to intercept his godson.

 

        “Oh –“ Draco said, eyes landing on the five-year-old at the entrance to the living room. Today he had dark black hair going in every direction, green eyes and a white-toothed smile that took up a quarter of his face.

 

        “Dad?” Teddy questioned, looking from Harry to Draco. He fit himself easily into the space between Harry’s waist and right arm.

 

        “God Da’,” Harry adjusted for what must have been the thousandth time that day. It was a phase the young metamorph was going through in which he ardently refused to call Harry anything but Dad. It broke Harry’s heart a little each time he had to correct him.

 

        “You’re my cousin!” Teddy burst. Draco blinked back at him, only managing a stilted nod.

 

        “Alright over there?” Harry smirked, waving in Draco’s direction. Another nod.

 

        “He looks like you,” said Draco.

 

        “Not really,” Teddy stated emphatically. The innocence of childhood allowing him to remain entirely oblivious to the war of emotion clearly swirling around Draco’s head. “That just happens sometimes. Dad says my eyes’ first color is brown, like my first Dad’s, and my hair gets stuck pink a lot, so I s’pose that’s my hair’s first color.”

 

       “God Da’” Harry corrected again, fondly rolling his eyes.

 

        “So,” Teddy said, ignoring Harry completely, “what are your in- in,” he screwed up his face in concentration as he struggled with the difficult word. “In-ten-chuns with my Dad?”

 

        “Teddy!” Harry gasped, cheeks coloring. Draco laughed sheepishly, looking to Harry for help. “Where did you even hear that?”

 

        “Aunty Ginny!” Teddy said at the same time as Harry’s mind had supplied the answer.  This was a common occurrence with Ginevra Weasley. Every time Teddy spent so much as five minutes with the witch he picked up the most ridiculous phrases. Andromeda does not thank Harry for it.

 

        “Auntie Ginny also says you’re a tosser.” Teddy beamed with the thrill of the contraband word. Harry choked, looking up at Draco to gauge his reaction. Predictably, he’d gone whiter than Moaning Mrytle. Harry gave him an apologetic look then turned, sternly, to Teddy.

 

        “Edward Remus Lupin, say that you’re sorry right now. We do not use that language no matter who you learned it from.”

 

        Teddy looked like he had shrunk two inches and his mouth quivered into the most pitiful looking frown. Harry was not often cross with him so every time it happened, tears were likely to follow.

 

        “I’m-m s-s-sorry,” Teddy stammered out. Draco looked at Harry like he had three heads.

 

        “Salazar Potter, you heartless fool, look what you’ve done to my cousin.” Draco stared at the boy like he was the most precious crystal ball in his collection. “Do something,” he continued, “he’s about to cry!”

 

        Harry gawked at Draco, at a total loss for words when Teddy let out a tiny imperceptible laugh that bubbled within his tiny frame and emerged a full-fledged fit of giggles.

 

        “You’re funny!” Teddy proclaimed, mood changing with the air in room. “Can he stay for dinner?” Teddy asked Harry.

 

        “I shouldn’t,” Draco began, looking to Harry cautiously.

 

       “It’s your day, Teddy,” Harry said but he was focusing on Draco. He needed to make sure he knew he wanted him there as much as Teddy did, more even.  “If that’s what you want, I’d really like him to stay too?”

 

        Now all eyes were on a pink-cheeked Draco Malfoy. “I thought I was a tosser,” he teased Teddy, to Harry’s chagrin. He’d much prefer it if the word was forgotten rather than become a staple in the boy’s vocabulary.   

 

        “I don’t really know what that word means,” Teddy confessed, past looking ashamed of himself, “ ‘sides I’ve never had a cousin before.” Draco stared at the boy, the corners of his mouth twitching with the effort not to smile.

 

        “I can’t very well say no to that, now can I?” Draco said, looking everywhere but directly at Harry.

 

        Harry laughed. Teddy zoomed around the living room chanting a chorus of “He gets to stay, Cousin came to play” and Draco made a futile attempt to conceal his smile a final time before giving in. It was the first time Harry had ever seen him look this happy and it was peculiar because it didn’t really suit his face. Draco was all angles and beautifully sculpted lines but Michelangelo’s David was made to peer, pensively, into the distance not be charmed beyond restraint by angelic five year olds. Joy made Draco’s mouth much too big for his face and his nose scrunched up in the middle, creating waves of wrinkles beneath his eyes. Harry had never found him more attractive.

 

\---

**Calling: Papa John’s Pizza**

 

Cho: “Hello, thanks for calling Papa John’s, I’m Cho, and I’ll – “

 

Harry: “Chang?”

 

Cho: “Come again?”

 

Harry: “Cho Chang? From Hogwarts?”

 

Cho: “Is this another prank call, because it’s the dinner rush and – “

 

Harry: “No, I’m sorry. I just, errr, thought you were someone I knew from school. Not that there’s a school called Hogwarts – that would be _weird._ It’s an inside joke, you would have had to be there.”

 

Cho: “Ok.”

 

Draco: *Laughing* “Idiot.”

 

Harry: “Draco!”

 

Teddy: “Idiot.”

 

Harry: “Teddy don’t say that.”

 

Teddy: “But Cousin Draco – “

 

Draco: “Sorry.”

 

Cho: *Deadpan* “Would you like to order something, Sir?”

 

Harry: “Yes, I would like a house salad, a small cheese pizza and a large – Draco, what toppings do you like on your Pizza?”

 

Draco: “Ramora roe and truffle oil.”

 

Harry: “Seriously?”

 

Cho: “Are you still there?”

 

Harry: “Sorry, I’ll take the salad, small cheese and large meat lover’s please.”

 

Draco: “Potter, are you deaf? That’s not what I - “

 

Teddy: *Chanting * “Cinna sticks and brownies! Cinna sticks and – “

 

Harry: “You can have one or the other, Ted, not both.”

 

Teddy: *Whining* “But it’s my day!”

 

Draco: “Yes, Potter, it’s his day. Give the child what he wants! It’s not as if you can’t afford it.”

 

Harry: *Clenched teeth* “It’s not the money _Draco_ , that’s just a lot of sugar before bed.”

 

Cho: “Might I suggest ordering online.”

 

Draco: “Fine, then these _cinnamon sticks_ are for young Teddy, here, and the brownies are for me. You know how I adore chocolate.

 

Teddy: *Giggling*

 

Teddy and Draco: ***** Chanting loudly* “Cinna sticks and brownies!”

 

Harry: *Fondly* “You’re trouble.”

 

Draco: “So I’ve been told.”

 

Cho: *Clears throat*

 

Harry: “Err, I’m really sorry! Could I add an order of cinnamon sticks and the double chocolate chip brownies”

 

Cho: *Mumbling* “What a surprise.”

 

Harry: “Huh?”

 

Cho: “Will that be all, Sir?”

 

Harry: “Yes. And I have a coupon that says – “

 

Draco: “Don’t. You. Dare.”

 

Harry: “But – “

 

Draco: “You have _two_ vaults , Potter!”

 

Harry: “Just charge it to the card on my account.”

 

Cho: “Will that be Carry out or Delivery, Sir?”

 

Harry: “Delivery, please. My address should be on file.”

 

Cho: “Great.” _Dial tone._

 

_\---_

 

        “So what’ll it be, Ted?” Harry said, hours past the metamorphs bedtime. Harry couldn’t be blamed, of course, if Draco hadn’t shown up with his unending insistence that Harry give Teddy everything he wanted, he would have been in bed at the proper time. But as it were, Harry had agreed to two desserts, multiple games of exploding snap and a promise to take Teddy and Draco on Sirius’ old motorbike over winter vacation.

     

        “Will it be a book or questions?” Harry asked. Teddy sighed, throwing his body against his Holyhead Harpies blanket as if he were tasked with deciding the winner of the Triwizard Tournament.

 

        “Both.” Teddy looked directly at Draco, giving him the same Crup eyes he’d been using on the Slytherin all night. This time, Harry had the wherewithal to head him off, shooting Draco a look that said ‘don’t even think about it.’ Draco sneered at Harry then gave Teddy an apologetic shrug.

 

         “I’ll do the five questions then,” Teddy consented, “But – I get to ask Draco and you,” he dragged the word out, making it sound like three syllables instead of one, “still have to do the song!”

 

         Harry’s insides did a nervous flutter, thinking about doing that in front of Draco. It was much too early in this relationship for Draco to hear him sing. In fact, on their joint deathbed after seventy blissful years of marriage it would still be too soon. It wasn’t that he necessarily had a bad voice, it was just that Harry didn’t know because he didn’t sing in front of anyone excluding Teddy. Well, and sometimes Ginny but once you watch your girlfriend take six shots of fire whiskey in a row then attempt to deep throat you in the nearest loo only to vomit her burrito bowl all over your dick, you lose the ability to be embarrassed in front of her.

 

        Harry gave Draco a fleeting glance, hoping the blonde would save Harry the same way he’d been saving Teddy all evening. There was no such luck. Draco sat, gracefully next to Teddy on his bed and said, “Go on, ask your questions.” Teddy smiled.

 

       Harry wanted to be irritated - he had a plan to give Draco a piece of his mind but was much too distracted by the way the other man peered, patiently at Teddy. Was far too swept away by the flurry it caused in his chest and the onslaught of want it triggered in other places.

 

        “So,” Teddy began, “are you my Dad’s boyfriend?”

 

        “God Da’” Harry and Draco corrected that the same time. Teddy fixed Draco with a stern look that was all Andromeda.

 

       “Don’t you start,” he warned, turning the look to Harry, “And you don’t get to interrupt, ok?”

 

       “Says who,” Harry goaded.

 

       “Says me,” Teddy said, exasperated, “just pretend it’s the rules. So, Cousin, are you his boyfriend?”

 

        Now, Draco looked at Harry for saving. Harry smirked, fuck-all if that was happening after the shite he pulled all night.

 

        “Did he say he wanted me to be his boyfriend?” Draco challenged.

 

         “Do you want him to have said that?” Teddy countered. He looked very pleased with himself. Draco was stunned.

 

       “Weasley’s trained you well,” he said, to which Teddy nodded, “Uh huh.”

 

         After that, Teddy steered clear of relationship questions, opting for the very important ‘who would win in a fight’ variety instead.

 

        “But I don’t understand, why are the Veela and the werewolf fighting in the first place?” Draco questioned, attempting to have a logic based conversation with a five-year old. “I’m pretty sure they don’t even occupy the same re - “

 

        “That doesn’t matter,” Teddy bellowed, “my first Dad was a werewolf and Vic’s gran is half veela and she says a full veela could beat a full werewolf but I want to tell her she’s wrong!”

 

        “Well,” Draco said, sounding like he was preparing himself for a big speech, “what is interesting about these two particular creatures is that they both spend the majority of their time in human form, a Veela only transforming when angry and a Werewolf ideally only during a full moon. With those parameters in mind it would seem that the Veela has more of an advantage because it would only have to catch the werewolf on a non-turning day.” Teddy’s shoulders sank with disappointment.

 

       “However, on a full moon, the wolf has no real connection to his human self, while the Veela maintains human consciousness, which in the case of a fight would hopefully mean they’d also maintain a sense of human morality thus – “

 

       “Draco, he’s five,” Harry chimed.

 

       “Right. It’s hard to say,” he continued on,” depending on the day they are evenly matched creatures. I’d say it’s a draw.”

 

       “But I think the more important bit,” Harry began.

 

       “You’re not supposed to interr –“

 

       “Ah,” Harry cut him off, “but that was the last question!” Teddy looked weary but did not say anything further.

 

       “It’s important to remember, Ted – and I tell you this all the time – that being a werewolf isn’t fun or cool. They have no control over the wolf part of themselves and are likely to hurt the people closest to them, making them feel horrible about themselves.”

 

        “And,” Draco continued, looking somber, “the only werewolf I’ve ever met who embraced their wolf form, could even control when he changed, he was a sick and terrible creature. Nowhere near the man your father was.”

 

        “Exactly,” Harry said, emotion a sticky, stuck, toffee in his throat. He made eye-contact with Draco on the other side of the bed, a world of screams and fear and riddukulus’d boggarts passing between them in their wordless conversation.

 

        “So the kids at school _should_ be scared of me,” Teddy said quietly. Harry’s head abruptly turned back to the boy, Harry and Draco saying “No,” at the same time.

 

        “You are not a werewolf and if you were, I would make sure you took the potion to suppress it just like your Dad. You would never be a monster and the kids – some of the _parents_ of the kids at your school don’t understand. And that’s their fault, not yours.” Teddy’s head remained hung and his lips were pulled into a deep frown. “Hey,” Harry brushed back his hair, dipping his head to meet his eyes, “what’s Auntie Ginny say about people like that?” Teddy grinned.

 

        “I won’t get in trouble?” Teddy asked. Harry shook his head.

 

        “No, but only with us, yeah?” Teddy nodded. He looked from Harry to Draco as if he couldn’t quite believe his luck and said, “Fuck’um,” then laughed.

 

        “That’s right,” Harry agreed and made sure to smile at Teddy in a way that let him know that Harry was, in fact, the lucky one.  

 

        “Can you sing now?” Teddy asked. Harry took a deep breath. He gave Draco a fleeting glance only to receive a raised eyebrow in return.

 

        “Accio ukulele,” Harry begrudgingly incanted. Draco cupped his hands over his mouth.

 

        “Oh. My. God.” The instrument glided smoothly into Harry’s hand.       

 

        “Sush, I’ve singing to do,” Harry proclaimed. Teddy clapped his hands excitedly.

 

        Harry looked down at the ukulele making sure his fingers were in all the right places and started strumming the intro. This was their nightly routine when Teddy stayed with him so Harry could play the song with his eyes-closed, but somehow the presence of Draco Malfoy made his fingers clumsy and unnecessarily slippery, so he fumbled a bit. Never enough to mess up the overall construction of the melody or to damper Teddy’s experience, but Harry still felt the color of the Gryffindor common room by the time he was supposed to sing.  

 

        “Sweet pea, apple of my eye,” he sang anyway, “don’t know where and I don’t know why. You’re the only reason, I keep on coming home.” Teddy smiled, temple to temple, head and feet bobbing in different directions as Harry played.

 

        “Now it’s my turn to sing,” Teddy informed Draco. “Sweet pea, what’s all-uh – dis about?” Harry chuckled. There were few things in this world that he enjoyed more than watching Teddy do his earnest interpretation of a jazz singer. He closed his eyes and tried his best to snap his little fingers.

 

        Harry hadn’t dared chance a look at Draco while he was singing but now that it was Teddy’s turn, he couldn’t help himself. Draco was still, lips slightly parted, cheeks flushed and eyes looking down on Teddy with pure, unguarded affection. Then he turned that look to Harry and let it stay there. Harry forgot to breathe, forgot nearly everything that wasn’t the grey swirls in Draco’s eyes, he would have forgotten he was alive too if it weren’t for his heart beating twice it’s normal speed.

 

        “Da-ad,” Teddy whined, “Why aren’t you singing.”

 

        “Sorry,” Harry mumbled before jumping in again. “Sweet pea, keeper of my soul.” His eyes didn’t leave Draco’s. “I know sometimes I’m out of control.”

 

        Teddy sang, “You’re the only reason I keep on coming,” then Harry, “you’re the only reason I keep on coming,” then twice together, “you’re the only reason I keep on coming home.”

 

        Harry wasn’t sure how long the song had been over, he kept strumming nonsense chords in the hopes that if he didn’t stop playing, the moment between he and Draco wouldn’t have to end.

 

        “Are you two gonna kiss?” Teddy grimaced, looking equal parts disgusted and intrigued by the prospect. Harry laughed, cheeks growing ever redder. He picked up Teddy’s stuffed Hippogriff, placed it in his arms and put the boy to bed without another word.

 

        “I didn’t know you could play an instrument,” Draco commented as they reached the entrance to Harry’s bedroom. Harry tried to look around at it through Draco’s eyes, then regretted it immediately. Harry’s bedroom wasn’t up to Draco Malfoy’s standards on a good day which, of course, today was not. He and Teddy had been playing hide and seek earlier so there were pillows on the floor, his trunk half open, a partially-finished juice box creating a stain on his carpet and many small piles of clutter, for which Harry could not blame Teddy for.

 

        “I don’t really know how to play,” Harry said, deciding to pointedly ignore the state of the room.  “I only learned it because Teddy – “

 

        And Draco was on him – really on him – but it was almost as if Harry knew it was coming because their lips fit together perfectly and when Draco came at him with more force, Harry stayed planted, adapting to the other man’s moves. Draco devoured him, hands everywhere he could reach. He let out a relieved whimper as if he’d been starved and Harry were a hot meal.

 

        “I’ll have you know,” Draco said out of breath, “that _that_ performance in there was entirely unfair!” With a flick of his wrist, he sent Harry tumbling onto his unmade bed. Draco’s eyes were dark and predatory. Harry stared, bottom lip caught between his teeth, at the obvious tent in Draco’s trousers.

 

        “We’re going to fuck,” Draco said, decisively. He climbed on the bed, straddled Harry’s waist and began unbuttoning his shirt at the same time. “I don’t care which way we do it,” he continued, “but it’s happening. Right now.”

 

        “Ok,” Harry breathed without argument. He lifted himself up with one arm, so the other could wrap around Draco’s neck and pull him into another heart-stopping kiss.   

 

        There was a high pitched creek from across the hall. Harry stopped all movement.

 

        “Potter what – “

 

        “Daad,” Teddy called in a sleepy voice. There was no mistaking that. Draco leapt off Harry’s lap, practically flying off the bed. It would have been funny if the situation wasn’t so – not.       

 

        Barely half a second later, Teddy was in the room, clutching his Hippogriff stuffy to his chest.     

 

       “I keep thinking about the bad wolf inside me,” he admitted. He was at the point of exhaustion where all his words started to slur together. He climbed up onto the top of the bed, chose a place he liked in the middle and closed his eyes without preamble.

 

       “There is no wolf inside you,” Harry soothed, rubbing the boys back. He looked up apologetically at Draco.

 

       “I’m just going to go to the bathroom and – “

 

       “Yup,” Harry cut him off, knowing he could do nothing about the situation in his pants and couldn’t bear to think about what Draco was going to do to relieve his. “There’s a small dresser in there, feel free to borrow some pajamas from the third drawer."

 

       “I’ll do that.”

 

      “Good,” Harry said. He laid down on one of the vacant sides beside Teddy. He looked at the already slumbering boy, always forgetting how small he was until he watched him sleep peacefully.

 

      “You’re lucky your cute,” Harry said and closed his eyes as well.  

   

* * *

SUNDAY

 

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: I’m on my way to pick up my favorite demon

        I’m up before ten, so your lazy arse better be awake.

 

\---

        “Well, isn’t this domestic?”

 

        Harry’s body jolted awake. He swiped his glasses from the nightstand, shoved them on, then patted at his bed in search for his wand, but  found two warm, sleeping bodies instead. He hummed pleasantly, remembering vaguely who those bodies belonged to. He blinked twice, so his eyes could catch up with his limbs. Ginny Weasley was leaning against his bedroom door frame, arms crossed and looking the picture of irritation.

 

       “Sorry, must of – we slept in.”

 

       She eyed Teddy, who was contently curled into Draco’s chest. His hair was a lighter pink this morning, not it’s usual vibrant hue. It was so light, in fact, Harry thought it could have been white.

 

      “Clearly,” Ginny snapped, then shouted “Oi, Sprog! Wakey, wakey, hard boiled and crisply broiled.”  Teddy woke, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. You could see the moment disorientation transitioned into wakefulness. His eyes went wide and his eyebrows shot up to the top of his now ginger head.

 

       “Auntie Ginny!!” He jumped up, stepping on Draco in the process, (“Oof”) and ran into her arms. She swung him around, flipping the boy over her right shoulder then back over her left. Her defined, quidditch muscled flexed as she worked.

 

      “Put me down,” he objected, kicking her in the back.

 

       “This remind you of old times, Ted?” She said, ignoring the boy’s feigned protests. “You me and Harry used to sleep in bed like that, didn’t we?” Harry felt Draco stiffen next to him. What was Ginny playing at? “Tell me, Tedward, who’s the better cuddler, me or _Malfoy?_ ” She was saying his name in that awful way Harry used to to say it; hearing it come from someone else was worse – way worse!

 

       “I like both,” Teddy said, diplomatically. Godric bless that child.

 

       “Fine,” she said. She lifted Teddy off her shoulder and placed him on the ground next to her. “You still want to play quidditch when you grow up, yeah?”

 

       “Course! Quidditch is THE BEST,” Teddy said enthusiastically, “but I want to be a seeker like Dad.”

 

       “Your Dad didn’t play – oh,” she said, arching an eyebrow at Harry, “we’re still on that kick, are we?” Harry nodded, dramatically.

 

        “I was a seeker while I was at Hogwarts too, Teddy,” Draco said. Teddy looked at him in awe.

 

        “Really?” Draco had opened his mouth to say more but Ginny cut him off. “What is it you’re doing now, _Malfoy_?” Harry flinched, again, at her tone.

 

        “I just finished my potions mastery,” he gritted out, “and am looking for – “

 

        “Unemployed then,” Ginny tisked, “I’m such a dolt, if I’d known I never would have mentioned… Well, it’s about time for us to go, Ted. We’ve a big day ahead.” He beamed up at her. Harry chanced a glance to his left. Draco looked as if he smelled something foul and the only way to get rid of that odor was Ginny’s head at the opposite end of his wand.

 

        “Can I have a brownie before I go?” Teddy asked.

 

        “For breakfast?” Harry shook his head. “Yeah, I don’t think so. They’re in a bag on the counter, you can take them with you.” He gave his ex a disapproving sidelong glance, “I’m sure Ginny with let you have one as soon as I’m out of earshot.”

 

        “I seem to remember a young boy eating cake for every meal for the better part of a summer.” She sighed, a bemused look on her face. “Now, if only I could remember who that boy was.” Harry chucked a pillow at her.

 

        “They were starving me,” he said flatly.  Ginny caught the pillow easily, crawled across the bed and hit Harry square in the face with it. Teddy cackled.

 

        “Good example, Gin,” Harry griped, taking the fluffy weapon out of her hand.

 

        “Says he who cast the first pillow,” Ginny replied. And then Harry was cackling too because he’d spent enough Sundays at the Dursley's to know how little sense that made.

 

        “It’s a play on a Bible verse,” Ginny informed Draco coldly. He looked confused and isolated. Harry took his hand and squeezed.

 

        “It’s a play on a complete misunderstanding of a Bible verse,” Harry corrected. Draco squeezed back. Harry’s chest soured. He looked up at Ginny in time to see her eyeing their joined hands with disdain. Harry knew Ginny didn’t exactly like Draco but that was a bit much.

 

         She schooled her face when she discovered she’d been caught out.

 

        “This room brings back so many memories,” she said dreamily. She hopped off the bed and covered Teddy’s ears.

 

        “Hey,” he complained.

 

        “Some memories good,” she took a deep breath and shivered sugestivley, “some better!”

 

        “May I use your shower, Potter,” Draco clipped out. “I have an interview this morning I need to prepare for.” Harry looked from Ginny to Draco then back again, utterly bewildered.

 

        “Of course,” Harry said. “There are clean towels on the shelf.” Draco gave a curt nod and left the room. Harry gaped at Ginny.

 

        “What – “

 

        “We’ll be leaving too, I’m afraid,” Ginny said, suddenly suspiciously in a rush. “Enjoy the rest of your morning.”

 

        “Bye Dad!” Teddy called as Ginny cradled him out of the room.

 

        “Love you, Ted!” Harry called back. He shook his head as he watched them leave the room. He ran his hands through his tangled, morning bird’s nest, wondering what demon had possessed Ginny Weasley and which method was best to exorcise it.

 

        “I’m taking the rest of this pizza, too,” Ginny shouted from the kitchen.

 

        “By all means,” Harry snarked.

 

        “I knew you’d understand!”

 

\---

**Contact: Neville Fitbottom**

 

Neville: So it’s ridiculous that we’re actually doing this right?

 

Harry: Oh yeah, it’s wasteful, crazy and 100% unnecessary.

 

Neville: A brilliant idea in theory: make them run the Hogwarts Express just for the two of us for unnecessary albeit extremely important, nostalgia reasons. Not so practical in practice, though, is it?

 

Harry: No, no, certainly not practical, but you know what it will be?  Fun!

 

Neville: Loads of fun! And sentimental.

 

Harry: Right! You can’t go to back to Hogwarts without riding the HOGWARTS Express. Period.

 

Neville: Of course, we’ve been Flooing back and forth for the past two years but…

 

Harry: Besides the point.

 

Neville: Yeah, yeah.

           I’m so freaking excited!

 

Harry: Me too, mate. Me too!

 

\---

        Harry decided that the best way to placate a potentially disgruntled Malfoy was to whip him up a delicious plate of eggs benedict and fresh fruit before his interview. He danced around the kitchen, letting his mind go into cooking mode as he gathered up the necessary ingredients.       

 

        “Sweet yolk,” he sang to the tune of ‘Sweet Pea’ as he worked on the hollandaise, “center of my-y egg.” He cracked an egg, separating the yolk. “Don’t know why,” did the same with two more, “and I don’t know when.” He took up his whisk and began rapidly stirring the yolks. “Beating’s the only way to – keep you – tasting good.”

 

        Harry felt a sure hand wrap around his waist. He jumped, belatedly realizing, as he looked down at pale, manicured, fingers who they belonged to.

 

        “You’ve got to stop sneaking up on me,” he admonished, craning his neck to look up at the blonde.

 

        “How could I possibly interrupt – “ Draco paused, a teasing look about his face, “whatever it was I just walked in on.” Harry gave him a two finger salute and returned to his work on the hollandaise. He spared a glance at the butter he had clarifying in a small pot and leaned more fully into Draco’s arms.

 

        “My song wasn’t to your liking?” Harry said.

 

        “Mmm,” Draco mused, “I think maybe you and that cousin of yours have more in common than you think.” He nibbled playfully at Harry’s ear.

 

        Harry gasped, whether from the insult or Draco’s tongue, he would never know.

 

        “Dudley’s lyrics aren’t near so creative,” he protested. Draco moved from Harry’s ear to his neck, pressing what felt like – oh god – his hard length against Harry’s backside.

 

        “Draco,” Harry warned, leaning into the assault on his neck and wantonly rubbing himself against the front of Draco’s trousers. The argument for why Draco should stop was lost to the world as Harry looked back to discover heat in the other man’s eyes. The wanting he’d felt all week, tugged at him deep in his abdomen.

 

        “Keep working, Potter,” Draco taunted. His voice had taken on the same husky quality as the previous night and what was once a whisper of arousal, became a steady pulse between his legs. Harry let out an exasperated huff.

 

        “You’re a bit of a distraction,” Harry stated. He took a deep breath and decided to do as he was told anyway. He picked up his small pot of clarified butter and began spooning the thin layer of milk fat off the top and placing it into a separate bowl. Needless to say it was a very un-sexy process, a saving grace to Harry if there was any hope of him finishing breakfast.

 

        “You think _I’m_ the distraction?” Both Draco’s hands began a path up Harry’s bare chest. Harry’s breath hitched, feeling everywhere Draco touched like fiend fire licking at his skin. “When I had to watch you walk around yesterday evening like this,” he found Harry’s nipples, rubbing at them with the pads of his thumbs. Harry sighed, pushing his chest into Draco’s hands. “And because of the presence of my cousin,” Draco continued, “I could do nothing about it.”

 

        He pulled, twisted and tweaked them until Harry’s nipples were hard, sensitive peaks. “I had to go into your bathroom and wank like a teenager.” Harry moaned. “I was so hard,” his lips were so close to Harry’s ear, he was practically having an affair with it, “it didn’t take very long. Four, maybe five, pulls and I was finished.”       

 

         “Oh,” Harry breathed, when Draco’s tongue slid inside his ear.

 

        “But today is a new day, Potter,” Draco pressed Harry’s nipples into his chest, “things have changed.” Pain spread like the blush across Harry’s chest, picking up pleasure on its way down the rest of his body.

 

        “Christ, Draco!” Harry dropped the pot and bowl he was holding on the counter. He held on to its edge to steady himself.

 

        “Did I say you could stop?” Draco released his nipples, let them bloom again then grabbed and twisted them again. Harry squealed, rubbing himself against Draco to give his lower half some needed attention. Draco, taking the bait, bucked into Harry’s day-old trackies with a grunt.

 

        “I – God just – “Harry craned his neck to look at Draco, for all the man’s bravado he did not look the picture of composure. His face was flushed, his lips parted and his eyes clenched with desire as he pushed his clothed prick into Harry’s arse. Harry smirked.

 

        “I guess,” Harry began, “this means – mmm – we’re no longer waiting.” Draco stopped thrusting and stared directly at Harry.

 

        Harry shot him a knowing smile back, mentally preparing himself for whatever way Draco chose to respond. He hoped it’d be wicked. Harry wanted to push Draco, so that, in turn, he would push Harry back. Because when you got down to the crux of it, that’s what they’d always wanted. They’d simply been two stubborn boys revving for a challenge. It wasn’t until later that they discovered a challenge could take many different forms.

 

        Grey eyes flashed, as Draco let the non-verbal dare wash over him as if it were fourth year all over again. Back when the rivalry was fun, petty and arguably flirtatious.  He gripped Harry’s jaw, firm, roving his thumb over his lower lip. Harry pulled the digit into his mouth and sucked at the tip. The act completely consumed him, he savored Draco’s thumb in a silent promise. He called the whole thing into his mouth and sucked at it like he wished it were the other man’s cock.

 

        Draco growled, taking his thumb back and capturing Harry in a fierce kiss.

 

        Harry, for all his planned misbehavior, melted into it. He pressed himself further against Draco and rolled his arse against him, reaching back with his right arm to a get ahold of Draco’s neck. He let his tongue glide against the other man’s, let the arousal coiled in his center release itself into the kiss.

 

        Draco pulled back, Harry followed, mouth watering, like a Crup being deprived of his treat. Draco tightened the hand that held Harry’s jaw and turned him to face his burnt and forgotten breakfast. Harry did a quick wandless spell to turn off stove and waited.

 

        Draco tipped Harry’s head toward the ceiling, giving him full access to Harry’s neck. He used his other hand, fingers smooth and elegant, to pet at his throat. How fucking odd. How fucking odd that Harry was turned on by it. He gulped, feeling his Adam’s apple bob beneath Draco’s hand. Draco hummed appreciatively and Harry felt it throughout his entire body.

 

        “I think it’s time to pick a safe word, Potter,” Draco said. Bloody fucking Christ. Harry’s knees almost gave way as the promise of Draco’s words consumed him. He’d – they’d wanted this for so long; since before last night, since before Hydra, before the invention of fucking Howlr, and now they were finally going to get it. It was almost surreal, Harry had to remind himself to stay present in the moment and not get lost in the idea of it. So he reverted back to his original plan.

 

        “Ferret,” Harry said in answer, the volatile word out of his mouth before he could think to stop it. Draco hissed, the hand he used to pet at Harry, choking him so fast Harry barely had time to laugh – barely. Draco tightened his hold on him and Harry gasped for breath, the beginning tingles of submission bathing him in its warmth.

 

        “Now you get the light system,” Draco bit. “Color?”

 

        “Gree –“ Harry hadn’t finished the word before his legs were legs kicked open and his trackies vanished. Draco’s breath was hot at his ear.

 

        “Bend over. Hands flat on the counter,” Draco commanded, sounding pissed. Harry couldn’t spread his legs fast enough. “If you so much as lift a pinky, I won’t let you come.”

 

        Harry placed his hands on the counter with far more care than the task required and bent himself horizontal, curving his back. He pushed himself against Draco’s length, teasingly, then pulled himself forward again. He arched an eyebrow at Draco over his shoulder that said nothing short of “what now.” Harry wanted to be a whimpering, desperate mess when they were through and if he had to play the role of prat to get there, he was fully prepared to make that… sacrifice.

 

         Draco sneered, placing a hand on Harry’s lower back and raising the other. The first _thwack_ hit Harry like a spark of life. He lurched forward, lower lip trapped between his teeth. This is what he wanted, had been pushing for, needed.

 

         Draco made an approving sound, squeezing at the buttock he’d just marked. Harry groaned encouragingly.  

 

        “I want you to count them,” Draco instructed. Harry nodded, eager for the next blow. When it came, Harry bit back a moan, he could take more than this. Draco could hit him harder. Harry wanted him to work for every sound he made, wanted him to earn his obedience. If there’s one thing Harry learned from switching, it was that the sub had all the control and he planned to take full advantage of that power.

 

        Another blow landed, this time Harry couldn’t hold back a grunt.

 

       “I don’t hear you counting?” Another blow.

 

        “Oh, had you started?” Harry mocked. “My mistake, I just assumed you were really going to hit me.” There was no stoping it, Harry heard the crack as Draco bore down on him twice in quick succession. He rocked forward so hard by the force of it, his hard cock crashed against his kitchen cabinets. Harry cursed.   

 

        “Shut –” s _mack_ – “your –” _smack_ – “mouth –” _smack_ , “Potter.” Draco spat, crowding his ear. “Or I’ll shut it for you.” _Smack._

 

        Harry slid further up the counter, trying to ground himself for each blow, wrists almost as sore as his arse with the constant back and forth.  But it was worth it to feel that exquisite sting, the excruciating anticipation of the next time it was to come; worth it for his cock to be red, rock hard and leaking onto his cabinets.       

 

        “You’re still not counting,” Draco admonished. Harry laughed, voice coming out a bit madder than he’d meant it to. He took a steady breath.

 

        “Well which one is it?” Harry said, raggedly “Do you want me to count or shut my mouth?” Draco laughed then too and Harry’s heart swelled with pride.

 

        The next blows cracked against his thighs, alternating, one right after the other then back again. Harry whimpered, a panting mess, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead and the back of his neck.

 

        “You’re such a bratty sub,” Draco said. He kneaded at the red, marked globes that were once Harry’s arse, occasionally tracing over bits of raised skin. Harry was going to feel this well into next week. The thought made him shudder; sitting in the Great Hall, preparing for classes, no one knowing why he kept wincing.

 

        “Open up,” Draco instructed, pulling Harry out of his blissful wonderings.

 

        Harry felt rough fabric press against his lips. He looked down. It was his white kitchen towel. Draco pushed it into his mouth at Harry’s shocked gasp. He pushed and pushed until Harry started to choke, the towel pressing against his gag-reflex with nowhere else to go.

 

        “Come on, Boy Wonder,” Draco goaded, “I know you can fit it all in that smart mouth of yours.” Harry shook his head, eyes watering from the strain on his jaw. It wasn’t possible, his mouth was full to breaking and there was still a whole quarter a towel left.

 

        “If you can’t take this,” Draco said, sounding on top of the world now that he’d finally gained the upper hand, “how do you ever expect to take my cock.”  Harry let out a frustrated growl around the towel.

 

         He let saliva collect in his mouth, wetting the towel so more could  fit. He took several deep, steadying, breaths in through his nose then bucked his head up as a signal to let Draco know he was ready for more. The blonde gave Harry a measured look, pupils blown wide. For a split second Harry saw a flicker of awe in his eyes and had the ridiculous urge to purr like a cat receiving praise from his master.

 

        Draco slowly forced the rest of the towel into his mouth. Harry coughed and gagged and coughed some more until Draco was tucking the last corner into his mouth. Draco smiled, unfiltered lust written all over his face. Harry thought he could come just from Draco looking at him like that, knowing that he had put it there.

 

         Draco placed a soft, but painful, pat on the right side of Harry’s mouth.

 

        “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” There was a semi constant stream of tears as Harry adjusted to the feeling of his mouth being filled so completely. It was painful, hard to breathe and glorious in every way imaginable. Harry rubbed his aching cock against smooth wood of the cabinet to give himself some relief.

 

          Draco latched onto the base of his prick, stopping him. “None of that,” he said. Harry growled.

 

          “Now, if you ever want to stop what we’re doing, curl your hands into a fists and bang them on the counter.” His voice was serious. “Do it so I know you understand.” Harry complied immediately, touched because even in the heat of their play Draco was so careful. He cared.  “Good.”

 

        He turned Harry’s head toward him again and placed a torturing kiss over Harry’s stretched upper lip. Then Draco sunk to his knees. Harry shook with want and anticipation. He couldn’t possibly be – there was no way Harry would last if he –

 

        Harry felt the cool sensation of a cleaning charm move through him. _Fuck_ , he thought, unable to speak, this was really happening.

 

        Draco traced down Harry’s spine, vertebrae by vertebrae. Harry pressed down so hard on the counter, he worried his sweat-slick palms might slip and he’d break something. Still, he refused to move them because Draco asked him not to. He just stayed there, planted, waiting impatiently to be destroyed.

 

        When Draco finally, _finally,_ reached Harry’s arse, he pulled one buttock open with one hand and ran a finger down his crease with the other. The finger circled his pucker once, then twice. Harry pushed back against the contact, but then it disappeared altogether.  The sound Harry produced was nothing short of animalistic.

 

       Draco blew warm air against him. Harry jerked his hips forward, feeling his hole clench, begging for the man’s attentions.

 

       “You’re so beautiful,” Draco confessed, kissing the back of Harry’s thigh. “A nuisance, no doubt, but gorgeous.”

 

       As if he couldn’t help himself Draco pulled one of Harry’s balls into his mouth, suckled on it, then moved on to the other with a ‘pop.’ Harry fought to breathe, desperately trying to coax his body down from the brink, to make this last.

 

       “Salazar, Potter,” Draco’s voice stammered. He rubbed his soft cheek against Harry’s thigh, pressing an open mouthed kiss to the other.

 

       “I’m going to eat you,” He declared, then licked Harry from bollocks to tailbone. Harry’s hips went haywire, bucking at air and his bloody cabinets. Drool dribbled at the corners Harry’s mouth. Draco steadying him.

 

        “You can spit it out,” Draco said, “I’d like to hear you.” That was easier said than done. There was no simple way to spit the cloth out without the use of his hands, it was too lodged in there. Harry had to push with his tongue until something broke free and he was able to rid himself of it with steady breathing and help from his slackening jaw.

 

       “Well done,” Draco praised and Harry, Godric knows why, thanked him, the word ‘Sir’ poised at his lips. In the future, when Harry looked back on this morning, and he certainly would (often), he would mark this as the moment he knew he was thoroughly and irrevocably fucked.

 

          He spread his legs wider, trying to spur Draco on without having to say it.

 

         “Yes,” Draco encouraged, “open up for me.”

 

          “Mmm,” Harry sighed, mouth slack, as he widened his stance. His heart was hammering against his chest.

 

          Draco flicked his tongue, tentatively, against Harry’s pucker and he cried out.

 

          “Yes,” voice sounding broken, “D-d-draco please!” Sparks danced and burst up Harry’s spine as a broad, textured tongue lapped at him over and over again. Draco moaned into his arse and a constant stream of expletives flowed from Harry’s mouth like veritaserumed truths.

 

         Draco kissed at Harry’s hole. He sucked, slurped and breathed into it, making Harry wet, desperate and begging for it.  

 

         “You’re perfect,” Draco said as he spread Harry open and pressed the tip of his tongue forward and into Harry. Harry’s toes curled and his back spasmed.

 

         It wouldn’t press in all the way at first, but Draco was persistent and Harry felt the tongue breach his rim and push itself in. It delved and explored Harry, pulling back only to go deeper.

 

         “Fuck,fuck,fuck, fuck” Harry cursed. He turned his head around to see what the other man looked like. _Christ_ , Draco was filthy in the best way, face red, eyes wild, hands trembling. Harry pushed back, maintaining eye-contact as he fucked himself on the tongue. Draco opened his mouth wide, holding his tongue out as straight as he could. Harry rocked back and forth until Draco curled his tongue inside him, keeping him in place. Harry’s balls drew up, painfully.

 

        “Draco –“Harry begged, “please,” he let his head fall on the counter, “I can’t…I’m too close.”

 

         Draco removed his tongue, replacing it with a finger to massage at Harry’s prostate. Harry bucked on a whimper, a smattering of bright dots appearing before his eyes. This was insane he’d barely touched his dick and - his balls drew up again –

 

         “Fuck. God. Draco, I’m go – “Draco squeezed the base of his cock again and Harry almost sobbed.

 

         “Not yet,” Draco cooed, then cursed, “I need lube.”

 

         Harry lifted his head, jerking it, lazily, in the direction of his open bedroom door and called upon his magic to grant him this small favor in his time of need. There was a loud rustling, the sound of drawer opening, closing and then a bottle hurtled toward them.

 

         Draco caught it smoothly.

 

        “Fuck, Potter – that was –“

 

        “Yes, wandless magic,” Harry said impatiently, “very impressive. Now, fuck me already.”

 

        Harry felt the wet blunt head of Draco’s cock press against him and his rim pulsed against it, drawing it in.

 

        Draco’s vocal cords emitted a high-pitched whimper, “You should see how you look,” Harry heard him swallow, “Potter, you’ll be the death of me.”

 

        Draco pressed in a bit further and Harry’s knees finally gave out. Chuckling, the other man wrapped his arm around Harry’s center to hold him up. He thrust all the way in.

 

        Draco’s body was flush against his for the first time and Harry had the absurd impulse to cry. They’d been through so much. They’d come so far. Draco must have been feeling it too because he pecked Harry on the back of his neck and whispered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘I love you.’

 

        Then he was fucking into Harry, shoving forward as Harry used his remaining energy to push back. They settled on a hard, erratic rhythm that was sure not to beget longevity. Draco thrust in, angled perfectly to ignite that spot inside him.

 

        “Shit!” Harry squeezed his eyes shut as Draco adjusted so he was hitting the mark with every, practiced thrust. Harry grasped, frantically, between his legs, impressed by just how wet he was. He smeared the pre-come over his prick and began to stroke, moaning into the relief of it. He was so sensitive, the head of his cock red and poking out of his foreskin, he nearly feared the intensity of his building orgasm.  

 

        His hand picked up speed, giving long, tight pumps as he thought about how many times he’d fantasized about this; hard and wet in the showers after a match against Slytherin, late nights in a tent in the middle of a war, at a meeting, reading a flirtatious message from Hydra. Draco was wrong. Harry never needed to view this new version of Draco separately from Hydra or the git he went to school with, he just needed to combine the love he already had for all three of them.

 

        “Draco,“ he asked, his name a question.

 

        “God, Potter – Yes!” Draco gripped onto either side of his hips and slammed into him. Sweat speckled Harry’s back, a loud grunt ripping from both their throats. It was all too much for Harry. With a twist and the brush of his thumb against the head of his cock, he was coming.

 

        “Fuuuck,” he called like prayer. His head swung up, back arching in the process, like he’d reached some sort of higher plane, his orgasm frozen in time. And that’s what it felt like, too, Draco fucking him through it, singing his praises.

 

        “God, so lovely, so perfect,” Draco rambled. His hands trembled at Harry’s hips, “for me.”

 

        “Just for you,” Harry echoed.

 

        “You’re mine.“ And then Draco was coming too. Harry felt his come deep within, his spent cock making a valiant, yet feeble, attempt to jerk back to life.

 

        Harry’s body gave out completely, then, and he promptly collapsed onto his kitchen floor.

 

        “Potter,” Draco groused, being pulled down with him, but there was a smile plastered clear across his face. Harry pulled Draco toward him, hands cupping either side of his face, delighted at the opportunity to look at him. He pulled him close. Draco resisted –

 

       “Wait, breath freshening charm,” he said. Harry shook his head, laughing.

 

       “Draco, I don’t care.” He made to pull him towards him again.

 

       “You should,” Draco insisted, scrambling to retrieve his wand from his abandoned trouser pocket, performing the spell then returning to Harry’s lap. He waited. “You may proceed.”

 

       Harry chuckled as their lips connected once more. There was nothing hurried or frantic about it. It wasn’t the precursor to anything more. It was just as it was, soft and slow and infinite. Harry played gently with Draco’s fluffy white strands and Draco let himself relax completely into Harry’s body, flush but for his fists trembling between their chests.

 

       “DRACO LEAVE, DRACO LEAVE,” they both jumped, the alarm obliterating their peace. “YOU NEED TO BE AN ADULT AND GET READY”

 

       “Sorry,” Draco groaned, sitting up and pressing buttons on his Spellular. He rubbed a hand across his face, tiredly. Harry tried to pull Draco back to him. “No, Potter, I really have to go. Now I have to shower again before my interview.”

 

       “But you never got breakfast,” Harry protested. Draco smirked.

 

       “I assure you, I just had an exceedingly satisfactory breakfast,” he reached a hand down to rub at Harry soar bum, “I’ll thank you to remember.”

 

       “Ah,” Harry replied, laughing. “It’s curious...”

 

       “Hmm?”

 

       “How you did all the eating but I ended up stuffed.” Harry snickered, wiggling his eyebrows at Draco, proud of his joke.

 

       “You think you’re really clever,” Draco said, with an eye roll.

 

       “Bum ars-e-tit,” Harry continued in a bad French accent. Draco promptly batting Harry’s hands away from him.

 

       “It was cute, then you ruined it,” he insisted. He lifted himself off of Harry and began the arduous process of standing up. “This is your problem; you always take things too far.” Harry caught his arm before he could walk away. Draco turned back to him and Harry saw it, bright and fond and unwavering.

 

       “Then why are you smiling?” Harry asked, with a grin.

 

       “Do shut up,” Draco said with a chaste  kiss before aparating away.

 

\---

**Contact: Bae**

 

Draco: If I tell you something, will you promise not to wax Gryffindor?

 

Harry: Are plucking and shaving ok? Threading? Hair removal potion?!?! I need to know!

 

Draco: Potter.

 

Harry: Go head.

 

Draco: I think it’s pointless to not let Teddy call you ‘Dad.’ I know that when you read this in my voice that it appears judgmental, but that’s not case. I completely understand why the prefix is important to you, however, Teddy doesn’t have the same sentimentality about honoring the memory of Professor Lupin that you do. He’s just a little boy being raised, superbly, I might add, by his hero. He wants someone to call ‘Dad,’ I know you can relate to that. The title means a lot more to him than it does to Professor Lupin at this point. And in any case, last time I checked, a kid was allowed more than one Dad.

 

Harry: You should have told me this in person so I could kiss you.

 

Draco: So, you’ll consider it?

 

Harry: I will think on it, yes.

 

Draco: And you’re not angry?

 

Harry: How could I be? That paragraph was one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me…and to think, it came from you. Shall I search the skies for flying Skrewts?

 

Draco: I suggest committing it to memory as it won’t be happening again.

_*Harry took a screenshot of this chat._

 

Draco: Unbelievable.  

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Harry: Are we going to talk about it?

 

Ginny: Good book. Very scary.

 

Harry: WTF was that this morning, Ginny. You of all people should understand what it’s like to date a person the rest of the family doesn’t approve of. I expected your support in this and instead you’ve been rude.

 

Ginny: You’re paranoid.

 

Harry: Am I? So, at the engagement party you didn’t talk to Bill about me keeping Teddy from Draco (not true, btw) when you knew he’d overhear you? You didn’t say negative things to Teddy about Draco behind my back? You’ve been so sneaky. I didn’t even realize the extent of it until this morning. Do Slytherins have magic cum or something, one orgasm and you turn into the worst of them?

 

Ginny: Idk. Why don’t you tell me when Malfoy puts out.

 

Harry: HA. He did it this morning!

 

Ginny: Congratulations.

 

Harry: Ginny.

 

Ginny: What?

 

Harry: Why are you deliberately sabotaging things with Draco? You know how important this is to me.

 

_Ginny is typing_

 

Ginny: Pansy thinks it’s because I’m jealous. She says that’s the real reason I was so mad when she didn’t tell me Hydra was Malfoy.

 

Harry: Jealous of what, Gin? I know you don’t have feelings for me anymore.

 

Ginny: Of course not. But when we broke up, I lost my place in your life. You all never let me into your perfect little trio but at least while we were together, I had a reason to get some of your attention. You’re my best friend, Harry, and I was fine playing the role of the one that got away because it meant you still wanted me around.

 

Harry: But you push me to go on more dates than anyone. You’re the reason I got on Howlr in the first place!

 

Ginny: Right, but you’ve never loved anyone more than me before. I watched you this morning with Teddy and Malfoy and something snapped. Well, it’s always been him, hasn’t it?

 

Harry: Blimey, Gin.

 

Ginny: Stop.

 

Harry: You are SUCH a Slytherin.

 

Ginny: Whatever. What’re you, the only one’s allowed to be a hatstall or something?

 

Harry: You get so Northern when you’re upset. Like, even over text.

 

Ginny: Fuck off.

 

Harry: Gin, I will never love anyone the way I love you. You were there for me at a time when I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as myself, much less anyone else. I let YOU in, not Ron, not Hermione, certainly not Draco – you. And it wasn’t because you were my girlfriend because I didn’t really let you be that then. It was because you were the only person who understood how lonely and empty it felt to finally have him out of my head and how fucked up it was that I almost missed it. That foundation of brutally naked honesty has made our relationship grow into something so special. I don’t ever feel the need to hide anything from you and I never feel even the tiniest bit of shame in the things I share. Not many people have that with anyone in their life, Gin.

 

Ginny: I don’t want to miss you.

 

Harry: Then don’t wreck this. Support me. Let me be happy, you TOSSER!

 

Ginny: Ugh, fine.  I promise.

 

Harry: Drinks later?

 

Ginny: Leaky. Your tab.

 

Harry: Fine, deal.

 

\---

**Contact: Bae**

 

Draco: What were you planning on wearing to brunch tomorrow?

 

Harry: I was just going to ask Pansy when I dropped Ginny off tonight.

 

Draco: NO. Pansy dresses you like sex on a broomstick. I won’t be focused.

        I’ll just come over when you’re done with your ex date, shall I?

 

Harry: That might be late.

 

Draco: I can wait.

 

Harry: OMG you’re DTF

 

Draco: Use your words, you msg like a pubescent muggle with a non-existent intelligence quotient.

 

Harry: I can’t believe you just typed out IQ.

 

Draco: So you’ll msg me when you’re home?

 

Harry: Maybe. Gin might come over after. Depends on how the night goes.

 

Draco: You’re not funny, Potter.

 

Harry: Ginny thinks I am.

 

Draco: Yes, well she’s taken a fair few quaffles to the head so I wouldn’t quit your day job quite yet.

 

\---

 

Harry: Oh, I almost forgot... I was too (ehem) distracted earlier to tease you about this, but your Daddy kink was OUT OF HAND last night. I still can’t believe you wanked in my bathroom.

 

Draco: I had to take care of a few things, yes, if it’s that important to you.

 

Harry: Oh it’s extremely important to me, Daddy.

 

Draco: Laugh now, Potter, but these depraved fantasies are entirely your fault.

 

Harry: My fault?

 

Draco: Certainly. You teased me too much and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

 

Harry: I’d say your actual daddy issues have at least a little to do with it…but yeah, sure, blame who you need to.

 

Draco: I don’t have daddy issues.

 

Harry: Draco.

 

Draco: I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re insinuating.

 

Harry: Huh? What if I called them “father” issues?

 

Draco: Whatever, Potter, your paternal trauma is way worse than mine.

 

Harry: Fair … Paternal trauma, crippling depression – we have so much in common, babe!

 

Draco: Don’t forget PTSD!

 

Harry: The foundation of all great relationships? I could never.

 

\---

 

Harry: Honey, I’m home.  

 

Draco: It’s about time.

 

* * *

 

MONDAY 

 

**Contact: Bae**

 

Harry: Are you ok?

 

Draco: Yes. Why?

 

Harry: Uh, you weren’t here when I woke up this morning.

 

Draco: Keen observation, Potter. Whatever will the Aurors do without you?

 

Harry: Are you, perhaps, upset about something, Draco?

 

Draco: Deductive reasoning, too? How they let you get away, I’ll never know.

 

Harry: Ok, what the hell? We had a great night why are you suddenly pissed at me?

 

Draco: A great night?

 

Harry: Yeah, I seem to remember you enjoying yourself… 3 times.

 

Draco: You fucked me to Australia and back, Potter. Of course I enjoyed myself.

 

Harry: And that is bad?

 

Draco: You fucked me like you wanted to get me out of your system. Like it wasn’t going to happen again.

 

_Harry is typing_

 

Draco: I thought I was clear that this wasn’t a one off. What was your plan? Fuck some, sit an obligatory brunch with my Mother, then you go off to Scotland and things conveniently “fizzle”.

 

Harry: I hate that word! You know I wish I’d never said it. I wish I didn’t know it existed.

 

Draco: Can you really afford to be ignorant about yet another word in the English language?

 

Harry: Hey. Stop it! I am IN this. I don’t know why you keep looking for reasons why I’m not but I am! I woke up at five-a-fucking-clock this morning and made quiche for the Mother of a prat who let me wake up to a cold bed. All week I’ve chosen YOU over my family. I introduced you to my godson! And last night?

          Last night I fucked you like I’d been fantasizing about fucking you since before I knew what fucking was. And I was so overwhelmed by all the possible ways I could fuck you that I wanted to have it all at once.

          I fucked you like I’m falling in fucking love with you. Like I’ve been in love with at least four different versions of you all ready.

 

\---

**Incoming call: Bae**

 

Harry: ***** Angry, almost shouting * “I lied, is that what you want me to say?”

 

Draco: *Concerned* "Harry."

 

Harry: “Of course I didn’t know I was lying at the time but I think I’ve sorted it out now.”

 

Draco: “Harry -”

 

Harry: “I didn’t want Hydra to be you because if he were you, I’d be done for. I had feelings for you so tucked away I … I had to separate it because if you were human, I mean if you weren’t Malfoy… I could always hold on to the fact that we would never work together, would never be a normal couple. I accepted that. You could be a fruitless infatuation. But if I could laugh, tease, banter, open up to _you_ the way I did with Hydra then…then I was ruined. Then…There’s nobody else for me, Draco … You are everything I’ve ever wanted. *Hysterical chuckle* and we’ve technically been dating a week. So that’s like defeating-the-Dark-Lord fucking terrifying.”

 

Draco: “Harry.”

 

Harry: *Breathing heavily * “You called me, Harry.”

 

Draco: “I love you too.”

 

Harry: “I know! So could you stop being such a git about it? I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Draco: “Wear the blue.”

 

Harry: “Huh?”

 

Draco: “You haven’t looked into your closet since - how did you get dressed this morning? Never mind. I hung one sky blue and one tan lounge suit on the inside of your closet door. Wear the blue one to brunch.”

 

Harry: *Groaning * “Draco n – “

 

Draco: “I know you hate it, Potter, but my mother will love it.”

 

Harry: “Ok.”

 

Draco: “I’ll come to yours in about an hour and we can floo over together, yes?”

 

Harry: “Sure.”

 

Draco: “Splendid.”

 

Harry: “Great.”

 

Draco: “Delightful.”

 

Harry: “Right o.”

 

Draco: “Sublime.”

 

Harry: “No, you hang up first!”

 

Draco: “Pardon?”

 

Harry: “It was joke about how you won’t end this conversation.”

 

Draco: “Am I not?”

 

Harry: *Amused* “No”

 

Draco: “Oh, well that wasn’t my intention.”

 

Harry: “Haha ok, bye then”

 

Draco: “Don’t forget to comb your hair.”

 

Harry: “You just did it again.”

 

Draco:  *Deep sigh* “I’m working up to something.”

 

Harry: “Could you do it faster… Apparently, I have to comb my hair.”

 

Draco: *Clears throat, speech is clipped and decisive* “Thank you for your inarticulate, grammatically incorrect confession earlier. I needed to hear it.”

 

Harry: “That’s the best you can do?”

 

Draco: “Well, you rushed me.”

 

Harry: “Try again.”

 

Draco: “You make me happy and I didn’t think that was possible…for me. Which is, as you put it, defeating-the-Dark-Lord fucking terrifying. So, I’m sorry I keep doubting you. Eventually, I’ll become disillusioned with you and that will no longer be a problem.”

 

Harry: “So close.”

 

Draco: “Well, that’s the best you’re getting, you narcissistic sap.”

 

Harry: *Laughs*

 

Draco: *Listens to Harry laugh*

 

Harry: *simultaneously* “You could just come over n - “   Draco: *Simultaneously* “I think it’s best if I do your hair my – “

 

Harry: *Laughing* “The floos open.”

 

\---

 

They were late to brunch.

 

\---

**Contact: Gin**

 

Ginny: Hey, Malfoy told Pansy you really rocked his socks off last night ;)

 

Harry: Draco Malfoy used the phrase “rocked his socks off?”

 

Ginny: Yeah, said you really cocked his rocks off!

 

Harry: What is the matter with you?

 

Ginny: This is me being supportive.

 

Harry: Well, stop it. You’re scaring the children.

 

Ginny: No can do, Harry, dear. You asked, I listened, I PROMISED. I couldn’t possibly go back on my word.

 

Harry: Return to sender. This is not what I ordered.

 

Ginny: *Singing: delightfully on key* Harry and Mal-foy romp-ing wil-low. Slytherin spunk left on your pil-low. *big finish (pun intended)*

 

Harry: His

          Eyes

          Are

          As

         Green

         As

         A

         Fresh

         Pickled

         Toad.

 

Ginny: RUDE!

 

\---

 

Ginny: Hey, remember that time we literally rocked your socks off. We were in a rush so you left them on, yeah. But then you got hot half way through and decided to take them off but your feet smelled so bloody RANK! HAHAHAHA

 

Harry: His hair as dark as a blackboard.

 

Ginny: Fine, I’ll stop.

 

\---

**Contact: Unkown**

 

Blaise: This is Blaise Zabini. I was in your year at Hogwarts.

 

Harry: Lol I remember you Blaise.

 

Blaise: Always good to be sure.

 

Harry: I guess.

 

Blaise: I heard brunch was a success. Narcissa was very pleased.

 

Harry: Is there a reaso-

 

Blaise: As a matte

 

Harry: Look, I’

 

Blaise: I do

 

Harry: W

 

Blaise

 

Harr

 

Bl

 

H

 

\---

 

Harry: WTF just happened?

        My spellular is deleting our entire conversation.

 

Blaise: I trust you remember it, all the same.

 

Harry: I won’t soon forget.

 

Blaise: Good.

 

\---

**Contact: Bae**

 

Harry: Your friend is a murderer!

 

Draco: Which one?

 

Harry: Draco.

 

Draco: No, that wasn’t an attempt at macabre humor. I really need you to be more specific.

 

Harry: Hint: tall, dark … poisonous.

 

Draco: Ah, Blaise got to you.

 

Harry: He threatened my life.

 

          In excruciating detail.

 

Draco: How fortunate it is to be loved.

 

Harry: Then the whole conversation disappeared.

 

Draco: Yeah, he does good work.

 

Harry: DRACO!

 

Draco: Calm down, Blaise wouldn’t hurt a Hufflepuff.

 

Harry: I’m. Glad!?!?!

 

Draco: Aww, is the saviour scared?

 

Harry: …YES.

 

Draco: You should be.

          xx

 

\---

**Contact: Pansy**

 

Harry: Is Blaise fucking Draco’s Mum?

 

Pansy: Don’t ask questions no one wants an answer to, Potter.

 

Harry: WTH!! DRACO DOESN’T MIND?

 

Pansy: I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. But, if I did, however, I would caution you not mention it to Draco. He is practicing what we Salazarians like to call “Selective Sight.” A truly irreplaceable skill, as we see only what we want to see and ignore that which keeps our depressed mothers happy.

 

Harry: I will never understand Slytherins.

 

Pansy: Take comfort in the fact that befuddlement is the state I assume you are most comfortable.

       

\---

**Howlr Messaging:**

 

Prongs: I’m on the train.

 

Greenviper: I know. I just saw you off, dollard. Mind explaining why you’re logged into this insipid application?

 

Prongs: Looking for a Scottish slag on the side. Someone to warm my frigid bed whilst we’re apart. Neville’s already turned me down, see.

 

Greenviper: Don’t make me turn that train around, Potter. It’s only due to my immeasurable generosity that I allowed you to get on it in the first place.

 

Prongs: Hahaha whatever you say, Darling.

 

Greenviper: So, I’ve been thinking, my young cousin asked some great questions the other night.

 

Prongs: Yes! Veela v. Werewolf! Turned out to be a real critical thinker.

 

Greenviper: You know what I’m getting at.

 

Prongs: You know, I don’t think I do?

 

Greenviper: I refuse to play this game with you. Am I your boyfriend or not, Potter?

 

Prongs: : D You’ve been ‘Bae’ in my phone since our first date.

 

Greenviper: Is that supposed to be comforting to me? That is revolting. Change it immediately.

 

Prongs: Don’t be riddikulus.

 

Greenviper: I’m serious.

 

Prongs: No, you’re Draco.

 

Greenviper: Send me a picture of your screen so I know you’ve done it.

 

Prongs: I know “Bae” is le-strange to you but it has me rowling on the fleur laughing.

            Rolling*

 

Greenviper: In the future, if you happen upon a stroke of good fortune, we will be at our wedding and I’ll read this conversation aloud, in the presence of all our friends and family, so they’ll all know you ruined this moment.

 

Prongs: Granger things have happened.

 

Greenviper: We’re breaking up.

 

Prongs: But I’m a keeper ;)

 

Prongs: Accio my love!

_You have been blocked by Howlr user: Greenviper. You can no longer send or receive messages from this Witch, Wizard or Magical Person. The Weasley Wizard Wheezes team cautiously thanks creeps like yourself for your business. Better luck next time!_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's over? Yeah, that's the end! I hope you enjoyed it! It has been a sheer joy to write and work on with Syn! Please don't be shy, I want to know what you thought about the final chapter or the fic as a whole. Over conversations has easily been the best part about Howlr. 
> 
> GINSY: I AM writing the Ginny/Pansy companion piece, so please look out for that! It will be from Pansy's perspective and will cover before, during and after the Howlr timeline. I will post a preview at the end of this fic when it's ready or you can follow me here or on Tumblr (http://partialtopotter.tumblr.com/) for updates! 
> 
> I love you all, 
> 
> PTP


	11. Ginsy Preview

A lot of you asked me for an update when I started posting the Ginsy companion piece, well chapter one is up! It is a story about how Pansy and Ginny get together and will eventually overlap with the Howlr plotline, so you'll get a bit of Howlr from Draco's pov. This is a quick preview, if you like it check out the rest [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16185698/chapters/37822445)! 

* * *

 

**  
Summary:**

Pansy Parkinson has managed to cultivate a good life for herself after the war. She has a job she loves, friends she’d kill for and Howlr to keep her bed warm at night. She has everything she’s ever wanted except – Weasley. And she wants Weasley, even if it means a giant ginger bludger is heading toward her perfect life.

 

**Howlr Profile: Parkbench**

 

Screenname: Parkbench

 

Photo (1)

 

Photo (2)

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Bio:

Witch * Slytherin * Lipstick * Model * Fashion

‘You are what you look like.’ ~ Me 

_Your profile is currently warded and is not visible to other Howlr users._

 

 

**Howlr Profile: TheRealGing**

 

Screenname: TheRealGing

  
  


Photo (1)

  


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Bio:

The last person I dated saved the world, so what are you bringing to the table?


End file.
